Skip to main content

Tired and Sad

It was a good weekend with the guys and I was sad to leave but I needed to at some point and I was feeling real tired so staying longer would not have been sensible. I was so tired that I don’t think I said a proper goodbye and thanks to Gary as I intended to, I am such an idiot at times.

After dropping Gary off I drove past Tony’s place. I was thinking I could stop but then, I didn’t know what he was doing. I had not called first as I promise I will and, to be honest, I was too tired to be in control of myself and I doubt Tony needs a blubbering mess visiting him.

Soon after I got back I was bombarded by Daisy being a little moo. She had been one all weekend and Matt had rightly grounded her. Actually, had she been more honest with me she would have just been stuck with one week grounded. As it happened, she now has two. It was great to be home to the arguments and the screaming, a wake up call.

I decided to call Tony, I couldn’t keep going not having spoken to him and I am so glad I did. He sounds awful, I mean, really bad. I cried myself silly when I got off the phone but am glad I didn’t make another excuse not to call. There will be plenty of time not to be able to speak to him; I don’t want to waste any chance I get now.

Called Pete once I had calmed down just to offer him love and support, I really just want to so hug him and not let him go.

Nick called later and asked me to visit tomorrow and said that maybe he could come to the airport with me to pick up Danny & Dan, I hope so but it is late. Tony asked me to go wake him when we got back so he can see me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Budget Day

So, we have the ‘Let’s buy a whole host of gullible voters day’ with George Osborne. No doubt we’ll be told how employment is rising, how the deficit is falling, how we’re all so much better off now than we were (compared to what?). We’ll be told that there are still tough times ahead but that only a Conservative government can steer us through them. It will be pointed out how inflation remains low, how not raising duty on fuel has helped everyone as is seen by the current lower prices at the pumps (it’s going up again George). In short, I should listen to this budget later and decide to vote Conservative in May but, I won’t. Labour certainly did nothing to avoid the mess the country got in but they didn’t cause it. They made the mistake of trying to be too conservative, allowing high finance the freedom to cause a catastrophic cock up for which they took zero responsibility. They made the mistake of allowing Gordon Brown to take the job of Prime Minister, one for which he is totally...
2 comments
Read more

Not a good day

Today is a very emotional one for me. I have no idea why that would be the case but apparently it is. For a day that had nothing pre-arranged this one has turned out quite busy. First, I agreed to take Matt for breakfast though I wasn't really hungry. He was being quite argumentative in the morning about some thing or other, I don't recall what exactly but some matter of politics where he was going to argue the toss whilst knowing little or nothing about it. But, even so, I was quite upbeat as Jermaine had gone to school on time ... no, scrub that, i was upbeat until I yet again had to tell Zoey to get her arse out of her room, downstairs, do her chores and get to school, that is when this day started to go downward. I spent way too much money on a new doorbell, true, we needed one but not one that cost nearly £50! This too has not helped. I went to see a garage that can fit parking sensors to my car, all well and good but they needed me to supply paint to match the circles up ...
Read more

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

I am currently working through modules on Self Esteem. I can honestly say, it’s tough reading! So much does relate to me it hurts to read it. Already I am wishing for answers that I need. It’s like, I know and understand what I am reading and acknowledge it as a fair representation of my current state but, where is the hug? The reassurance that it’s all going to be OK? The issue, for me, of doing this sort of thing is that it highlights possibly the greatest issue I have, I am alone. Someone special to hug up to, to talk to when I need it, well, I don’t have anyone. Perhaps that is a good thing because, right now, I’d probably question all their motives, what is their ‘real’ agenda? Even knowing where those feelings come from, where they started and so on is not yet helping me to overcome them. I’ve become somewhat insecure and full of self doubt, all negative stuff. Frustratingly, I can damn well see it too, it’s like there are two of me, am sure someone would say that’s because I a...
Post a Comment
Read more