Steve from England

Been having a few posting issues recently, hopefully I should have it sorted soon.   At least there is one new one to read!”"

According to pictures I have, my diary and my Facebook page … nothing significant happened in 2015 until June … really? OK, So I dug a little deeper. I started the year off suffering from depression, that might have lasted a while as it seems I also went to the doctor for it and had some CBT along the way, this might explain why I seem to have been in a coma for the first 6 months. It does seem like my stubbornness turned things around though because in June life changed. After the mess that was my failed relationship with Jo I was really very nervous of starting anything again with someone who wasn’t British and, as I find it rather difficult to form a relationship with British guys I’d all but decided that being single was me set up for life. But, right at the start of June, Dennis reached out and, to be honest, I gave him a very hard time. All my anxieties about what happened with Jo got landed in his lap. It would be fair to say that I was rather mean. Thing was though, he seemed s

I believe this is the single greatest issue for carers. They (we) stop being and individual and become someone’s Carer and little more than that. It’s almost worse than owning a dog! Invites dry up because of concerns the Carer might being the person they care for. The Carer doesn’t get a break because the person they care for is always there. No phone call is ever private, if they can read then nothing written or typed is private either. Everything, and I mean everything, is about the person being cared for. Going out the house is a messy business, it needs to be well thought through. Actually, I am about to be interrupted again so will need to stop … … life is like that. Grabbed moments in between intense moments of Caring. I am not even talking about hands on physical caring but more the complete lack of ‘self’ type of caring where the Carer has long since allowed themselves the luxury of putting themselves first because, even if they are doing something for themselves, they are

Sure, I was ill but it was still a lovely visit to see Dennis and the family in the Philippines. The illness wasn’t in any way pleasant, quite horrible. Even though I seem to be clear of tummy issues I still feel exhausted every day, it’s going to take a while to clear my system I think. I created a video of my experience … it’s not long because I never intended for the trip to be a sightseeing holiday, it was just a getting to know you sort of thing. The flight home went without any issues apart from just being too damned long! 3 hours waiting around in Manila then a 4 1/2 hour flight to Beijing. I had nearly 3 hours there before an 11 hour flight to London. I cleared the airport within 30 minutes and then another couple hours to get home. In all it was nearly a whole day to get from A-B. Of course, it’s rather a long way, about 7000 miles in a straight line so it’s never going to be quick. I reckon the quickest it can be done on a direct flight is maybe 20 hours. I’ve included t

Amazing as it seems I am two weeks through my visit here. Some might be getting a little confused about why I am here. There is only one important reason and that is to be with Dennis. This isn’t a vacation to me, it’s just about having to travel to the Philippines because it is where Dennis happens to be. I’m still in very regular contact with home dealing with daily issues, the council, social services and so on. I am geographically away from it but technically still connected. Obviously it’s cool to wander into Manila and see the place, travel in a Jeepney and so on. Wandering around the malls is fun but it is who I am with rather than where I am that matters most to me. Highlights for me, apart from every second I spend with Dennis have to be meeting family and friends.         Veronica and her family and Imee of course who has kept me entertained for hours with conversation about anything and everything     Ireneo too tries real hard with his English and makes me fe

I wasn’t going to be particularly open about being in the Philippines at the moment. Bitter experience has shown me that there those who would wish to attack my happiness and I was trying to avoid that this time. As it happens social services are still doing a safeguarding investigation, that’s their way of saying they believe I did something to harm Zoey earlier in the year, they’re determined to find something. They won’t because there is nothing but they want to believe there is and there is nothing I can do about it. It’s not like a legal investigation, they don’t need to gather in all the evidence just that which they want that makes their accusation seem credible. From this they can reach any conclusion they want and make decisions upon it. I’d have to make a legal challenge at my own cost to disprove it. So, some evil, bitter person doing their worst, which is normally to contact the DWP, well, it’s not significant to me by comparison. I am seeing the bigger longer term pictur

There must be some countries which get it right but I know the UK doesn’t and has not done so my entire life. What people seem to object to most if the identity of their country being destroyed. We have towns in the UK now which are almost totally dominated by alien cultures. It doesn’t matter where they are from, that’s not the point. Where we went wrong was that we've just never insisted that those who moved to the country had to do anything to embrace it. They were encouraged to move in and being their culture with them. We made a few suggestions that it might be useful to integrate but we never insisted. Many even third generation immigrants speak with accent of their great grandparents home, not this country. They were allowed to place demands for equality when it came to all things religion especially. The more moved in and refused to speak English, the more English speakers moved out. Easily created entire areas of the country many born here won’t recognize as England. My o

Breakfast with the family, well, first breakfast anyway, we're sort of like Hobbits I think, we have second breakfast as well (no hairy feet) Went to SM this morning and bought some new pillows, I have been borrowing so far so thought I should get some new ones. We had lunch in Mang  Inasal  which was manic. Too much rushing about by staff and no enough doing.The food was good though and the desert was purple so it had to be good. Healthy might be pushing it a little! After that we got the Jeepney  back to the local Mall where Imee and I had a full body massage for a staggering £5 (ph350) for 1:20 of damn good stuff. Back at the apartment again waiting for Dennis who's still at work at the moment. In the background is the local Karaoke shop and, let's just say it's interesting. Yesterday was a family day   which I wasn't expecting but great fun anyway. We were joined by Dennis's Sister Veronica and her family. I shared some brandy and beer but did have to give u

It's great to have Zoey back home. Now the issues with social services escalate as they fight to save money and we fight to make sure she gets what she needs. I heavily photoshopped this picture and it's easy to think we were actually together in the same place. Obviously that can't be possible because I am sitting here and my PC says it's 2:11 in the morning. Isn't it a nice thought though that we could actually be together. The flight would be horrible though, cheapest I've seen is via China and who the hell wants to go to China? Even then it is a 10 hour first flight which I will no doubt not sleep on and then a 5 hour wait for another 5 hours on a plane where I might actually sleep for a couple of hours ... if I were to do that sort of thing. I've even heard that China are obsessed with batteries, even if you follow all the instructions if they deem they are not for everyday use, such as in a camcorder, they will remove them and dump them, how terrible i

As some might know by now, this will be the last update on Zoey. I got a call earlier on today telling me that the all those involved in her care have held emergency meetings and agreed that Zoey no longer meets the criteria for any form of detention and she is free to come home which she shall be doing tomorrow. A huge thank you to all of those involved over the past several weeks, all your love, prayers and support, I cannot tell you enough how much it all means to me.

Wouldn't it be lovely if the world had equality? We read and talk about equality but, what is it? The problem with the notion of it is that someone has to be more equal than someone else else we have a very weird idea of law and order. If the thief believes he is equal to his victim so can take their stuff, that doesn’t work! If we all had an equal right then, along with that comes the absolute need to know the difference between right and wrong but, that doesn’t work either. Some believe that being a homosexual is wrong so, ‘they’ deem the homosexual less equal. Then we have those who believe equality requires compensation for the years of inequality such as those women who want to be equal but demand preferential treatment simply because they are women. Further we have groups who believe they are more equal because they choose to interpret some ancient religious scripts in a way which tells them they are. So, we can’t ever have true equality unless we follow one simple rule and

I visited earlier and she is really a joy to visit now. I also found a reliable way to get her to communicate as to whether she wants to come home or not and she made it abundantly clear just how much! Now it is up to me to do my best to make sure it happens if I can. I told her, I can’t promise her anything other than I will do my best. There were a lot of tears and hugs but a lot of laughter too. She made it clear she totally doesn’t like being watched 24/7, she says she feels intimidated … she didn’t say that word but I can’t remember what she actually said but that was what she was saying anyway. It’s so sad to walk away with her standing there with her little wave trying to stay happy but near to tears.

Today was like I was a basket ball dropped from a very tall damn. Started off briefly on a high then dropped to the bottom, bounced back up again, to the bottom, back up and so on eventually settling into a quiet calm. Some parts of today have been absolute hell, others, very emotional and uplifting. I only exchanged a few words with Dennis, he has a bad head and needed his bed, I wish I’d been there to sooth him though, if it was anything like the headaches I get, he’s have politely told me to go elsewhere! Caroline did an absolutely awesome job with a great massage and reiki but more so with her understanding and friendship. Robin gave me the left overs of his dinner which I had all on it’s on for my supper and it was gorgeous. House peaceful though, I don’t much like empty. Watched an episode of Break Bad, not many to go now, 8 I think. I went to the pharmacy earlier and picked up some sleeping tablets … to help me sleep. This weekend I am taking a break from dealing with any

The Care Manager for Zoey (social worker) decided Thursday morning that there was no reason to have a discussion about discharge as she had barely started her safeguarding investigation. Though they try to deny it, this is effectively ‘them’ saying that they believe ‘we’ did something to harm Zoey and that’s why she ended up in hospital. This is one of the most horrible things I have ever had to experience. I am trying really hard but I cannot see any good in what they are doing, it’s vindictive, it’s nasty and it is plain wrong! Each day they seem to twist the knife in me more. I am fighting for what I know is right for my daughter and I am being made to feel like some sort of sordid criminal. This should be one of the happiest most positive times of my life yet I feel so horribly low. No organisation or individual should have the power to do this to others, it is one of the worst cases of abuse of authority and it’s happening to us. Just about the worst part is, none of them are

The Government are totally right on one thing, earning boosts the economy, on this basic fact there can be no dispute. Getting folk off benefits, including tax credits, and self sufficient in employment has to be the way to go but, he has it wrong, terribly wrong, damaging to the country wrong on the level of income people need to really make this a healthy top to bottom country. The notion they have of making the rich richer and expecting it to filter down requires a mindset amongst the wealthy which simply doesn't exist. What is required is to make those at the bottom wealthier, not rich but they must have expendable income. Look, it's obvious, anyone can understand it, except the government it seems, it's economics. If you pay Joe Public minimum wage, even a living wage and it just about covers his living needs so, his everyday costs such as utilities, rent/mortgage, TV and so on then he is no longer a burden on the country but then, he is also not a financial contributo

Firstly, we are relying on those letters from you dear friends and family. We need to disprove what didn’t happen. There is an assumption floating around that Zoey wasn’t care for very well at home which was behind her presentation at the hospital and possibly her UTI. They are trying to play down any thought that it might be an accusation but, at the same time they do describe it is a fact finding mission to make sure that the environment and care at home is suitable for Zoey. Now, to me that’s clearly saying they don’t believe the care she was getting was good enough but apparently they feel the two things are not the same. This is why we need your input to tell them very politely, with great respect and understanding, what you think of our ability care for Zoey, whether she seemed happy at home or not. I am not going to tell you what to say, I want this to be your own words. Obviously if I thought you were going to write something negative I’d not be asking but, you must decide wh

The hospital said no … actually, one consultant said no, one who has barely met her at all who is going on advice from what he has read of what she was like at her worst when she was admitted. I can report that Zoey herself now seems to be 100% back to being Zoey. That said, she is deeply unhappy because she cannot understand why they won’t let her go home. The consultant is taking her unhappiness as a sign of depression and wants to persist with medication for depression! So, try and solve her unhappiness there by medicating so she what? Gets used to it there and just accepts it? I don’t think so, you aint experimenting on my daughter mate! There is a lot more I could write but I suspect a clearer picture will emerge tomorrow so I shall wait until then. Keep sending those letters in if you feel inclined, they need to know at the hospital that we are a strong and loving family and that there is no evidence at all for any question mark over her safety at home.

For over 5 months now, me and Dennis have spoken every day. I don’t think we’ve missed a day yet. Sometimes we don’t manage our several hour long sessions on Skype, occasionally it’s just a quick Viber conversation or text chat but we always communicate somehow. True, some of those times are like hospital visits, neither of us quite knowing what to say, that’s the problem with the distance, those are the time when we both really just want to hug but, how does that communicate over technology? Of course, I’ve totally no idea what Dennis sees in me. I’m stressed more often than not, I rearrange our slots online, cut them short, invite the family along, take him someone else for the chat. I’ve ballooned, I think, since he first saw me. When I get stressed, I eat and, when I eat I get bigger ‘almost’ everywhere! But, I do love him, there is something special about Dennis. Beyond his good looks and his amazing smile he is just this amazing person with a great sense of humour, some hones

I feel guilty because I didn’t get to see Zoey today. It must be so scary for her and difficult to trust anyone. We’ve all but told her she’ll be coming home yet no one visited today. Of course, had we gone we’d still have had to leave her there and perhaps that might have been worse than not going at all, who knows? Today I’ve been getting some help from a friend to put a stronger case for Zoey’s release should they deny her the right to come home by Monday. I knew most of it but, even so, having someone else write it all up and to act as a sounding board and come up with the same conclusions as me is comforting. Today I passed on visiting the hospital as I’d not have been strong enough to cope if Zoey got upset. Yes, that’s selfish, I know this but I don’t want her to feel my nervousness as to whether she is coming home or not. Yesterday we all managed to be so positive and that’s how I want her to carry on feeling. It feels like I am not likely to get completely over the bug I ha

Meeting with the social worker today. There is stuff which is in the background it’s not appropriate to talk about in a public forum so, ask if you see me perhaps. Suffice to say, it might not have been so pleasant for the social worker to take the line she did earlier when up against 3 Williams! We finally ran out of patience with all the estimates running into months of how much longer she would spend in hospital and I today gave a notice of intent to discharge her. They have until just after midday on Monday to respond. My guess is, if they have any common sense left, they will approve the discharge, if they don’t then I take it to tribunal. We need to keep Zoey safe and we can’t protect her whilst she is in a place for people with mental illness which she clearly does not have. Zoey sobbed her eyes out earlier saying she wants to come home, she is coming home ASAP!

URGENT - Our family and Zoey needs your help It seems that we as a family are being blamed for causing her current condition. In a recent report with regard safeguarding it states that: "Zoey was admitted to NGH in crisis –the risks of returning home are currently yet to be understood." It makes it clear elsewhere they consider there is a question mark as to her safety at home. Each professional involved with Zoey at every opportunity asks over and over what it was which triggered her situation at home. They are talking about potentially months of keeping Zoey at Berrywood whilst they investigate this. In my opinion, they know she shouldn't be in an Acute Mental Health hospital but don't want to admit their mistake. They want to justify their decision by claiming it is for safeguarding reasons. What do I need you to do? I need only those who know how much we cared for Zoey here, who know us as a family and who know how loving and caring we are to write to Berrywo

Why do Doctors and managers and hospitals worry more about covering their own backsides than they do about their patients? Hell no, let’s go back a bit … I’ve been trying to speak to the consultant treating Zoey for weeks. I make an appointment and he doesn’t show up. Today I finally get a meeting where he and I can talk so I expect it is me and he sitting down in a room and having a chat. Clearly I forgot how these things work. There was him, his trainee, the ward manager, the LD coordinator and me in a conference room. Do you know, as a Carer how you feel like there is them and then you? Well, no, of course you don’t unless you’ve been there but that’s how it was. No one was in my corner and, by ‘MY’ corner I mean Zoey’s. The overwhelming feeling seems to be that clearly we were the cause of this problem, something must have happened at home. That if we were able to cope then she wouldn’t have been sent to hospital. I obviously, well, obvious to me, pointed out that we’d managed to

I think the visits with Zoey are getting better. I am quite certain her remaining in hospital is a mistake. It’s a mistake which is going to see her degenerate loads if we’re not careful. She’s seeing too many things she shouldn’t see, picking up too many behaviours from other patients that she doesn’t understand. As far as I can see, there are totally no mental health issues with Zoey at all now and it amazes me that the consultant on the ward has not picked up on this already. Those nurses who deal with her on a regular basis know it already so, why is she still on a section 3? I am seeing the consultant tomorrow, if he turns up. This will be the third arranged meeting and the man has failed to attend the first two. I’ve put in an official complaint highlighting my concerns to the Care Quality Commission who oversee such places. I don’t expect them to have acted before Zoey is released. I used the word ‘released’ as opposed to ‘discharged’ because that is the nature of a section

I spoke to the people at NHS Commissioning who had an all day meeting on October 14 with us and various others. She was meant to call me back with the conclusion late on 14th or early on 15th. No great surprise that she did neither. Eventually I called them and discussed the issue. I discovered that Zoey has a named Social Worker who was meant to turn up on 14th and didn’t because Social Services decided that Zoey’s urgent case should be allocated to a social worker who was on annual leave until next week! Next I called the hospital to complain, spoke to the deputy manager and he has agreed to arrange a meeting for me to talk to the consultant on Monday. This consultant has, apparently, said many times his need to meet with the family which is strange as I’d arranged two previous meetings with the man and he didn’t show up. I’ve also put in a complaint about the lack of care at Berrywood Hospital to the Care Qualities Commission. I should imagine that won’t go any further than filin

For me, immigration is not the issue top of my agenda other than how difficult it has become to genuinely get the person you love into this country. I guess that's the opposite of what the Tories are about though. If the people of this country have any issue with immigration at all it has nothing to do with the individuals settling here from other countries or even coming here to work, send money home and then eventually return to their European nation. No, what people get really angry about is foreign nationals doing what the British did to other countries for years. They come here, they can't be bothered to use our language, have no interest in our laws and customs, challenge our values and faith and rather than do what their country of origin would do and give them an official slap, we try and change the our country to accommodate them. Being in the UK is a privilege, no one should have the right to come here and complain about how we do things any more than idiotic Brita

Yesterday was difficult for me. It was mum’s birthday, she’s have been 82 but she died 29 years ago at 52, that’s younger than I am now and shows, we never do know how long we have with someone. When someone dies we never really do get over it, we just learn to live with our new reality. We often ask ourselves what life would have been like if they were still here. I know for me, with mum, I felt she never really met me. Not the real me that I am today. She only knew this scared screwed up version of me, the one who only ever did what he thought he was meant to do and had no idea I could do what I wanted to do. Her reaction might have been totally negative but, I’d have liked to know. Not many people who know me now knew mum and they may think to themselves, it’s 29 years, get over it. But, mum didn’t know my children or my grandchildren either. All the pleasures I have enjoyed she missed out on. She knew Jermaine was on his way but that’s as close as she got. On another note, earli

I am quite convinced now that we’ve turned the corner with Zoey. I am going on my gut here but I feel she’s not going to revert back to how she was once she’s home. Speaking of home, I don’t think it will be long. I shall know more tomorrow possibly but all of us now feel that keeping her there does more harm than good. It’s also apparent that some of the patients there are not the sort of people Zoey should be mixing with at all. We were sat in a meeting earlier when this very well dressed lady came in the room and sat down. Long story short, turns out she’s a patient. She was adamant she was not leaving. We eventually had to leave the room ourselves whilst the heavy mob dealt with her kicking and screaming. It was quite scary and intimidating how cold this woman was. She looked like someone who would think nothing of shooting everyone in the room given the chance. Anyway, we need to wait see what is going to happen but I feel optimism is appropriate. Don’t get carried away, I als

It seems fairly obvious to me after visiting this morning that Zoey doesn’t want to be told what to do. She’s an adult and, let’s face it, who really wants to be told what to do all the time? A LD nurse was trying to get her to use a speaking mat to communicate. She is missing the point, it’s not just that Zoey doesn’t want to talk it is that she doesn’t want to interact at all. So, it’s not that she doesn’t have the ability to communicate, she doesn’t have the desire to. I am not at all sure she will talk when she comes home either, whenever that might be. The worrying thing is, the Zoey which is emerging may not be one who would fit in with a family environment any longer. In a place of her own, if she chooses not to do things like washing or communicating at all then it isn’t an issue, she doesn’t have to much like where Jermaine is. There is no point pushing him to achieve anything as it isn’t going to happen. Zoey is now like that. To get her to do the basic is still taking a f

Another good visit with Zoey earlier. Took her iPod into her, had to lend her my skull candy headphones. Also I drove to Milton Keynes and collected an IKEA catalogue for her to look at. She got even happier when Dennis came online. It’s annoying that it’s near impossible to use Skype video on a phone but, better than nothing. With the continence we’re having maybe one accident a day now and Zoey is making an effort to get to the toilet but not quite getting there, I think she’s still feeling the after effects of the UTI she had. She’s still not talking but I think that will change when she leaves. Cleanliness is still a slight issue but she’s getting there. What worries us is that they are still referring to her being there in months time. We’re thinking more a week or so. The reality is, the issues she went into hospital with are now resolved. We need tweaks on the hygiene and continence but I am still quietly optimistic about those happening soon. But, will they recognise where

Look, I don’t want to be overly optimistic here so let’s be cautiously optimistic. I had a really good visit with Zoey last night, a real turning point I thought. We had some serious interaction and for the first time she said she wanted to come home. She didn’t just say it she really said it then hugged me sobbing for around 10 minutes. There was a worrying aspect to the visit though. Zoey isn’t really talking except when she gets really emotional. I felt she wanted to talk but that she was stopping herself. Rather than tell or ask her to speak I did a series of questions with nod or shake head answers. I am going to simplify what went on for about 15 minutes. In a nutshell she was scared and said that someone there has told her she isn’t allowed to talk. I was getting to the who when she couldn’t answer any more and got very upset. She certainly gave me the impression she was scared. Obviously that’s worrying and I did report it to a staff member. I intend to do so again to a high

Nothing has really changed. Ironically, the two things we’re waiting to get resolved are both things which were not an issue when she went into hospital! Legally she’s on a Section 3, for those who don’t know, this means that until such time as she has improved she is imprisoned for her own good for 6 months and then indefinitely subject to reviews. It’s not a nice thought but it is the reality. If she gets better then she can be sent home. Right now I just don’t know ‘if’ she will get better. They know she needs speech therapy and continence advice, there is a significant waiting list for both. So, in the meantime, they’re just hoping the situation sorts itself out as they are not really doing anything except babysitting from what I’ve seen. Social Services have apparently allocated her a new key worker to assess her needs and place together a revised home package, they have so far not managed to contact me with this information though.

I’ve effectively been a single parent now for 16 years. I’ve had partners in that time but, rest assured, the responsibility and emotions remained mine. Raising kids is always tough, fun and rewarding but not easy. I feel like I made a lot of mistakes, I mean, way too many I probably had no right to make. I took too many holidays without the children. I considered they were well looked after but, in hindsight, that probably wasn’t true. Whatever caused Jermaine’s issues, I don’t think I dealt with it well enough, I don’t think I got the balance right between his needs and the needs of the other kids. I decided way after the event that he needed to go into a care home and even then I went with the wrong care home and he had to wait months for me to get it right whilst being neglected and abused because of that in the meantime. Of course two of the kids would rebel, go off, make mistakes and, of course I was totally oblivious to it. I was so smug that I’d done a good job of raising

Me and Matt went up to see her. She’s still not talking. If she gets really angry she will no doubt say something but it’s obvious that in everyday interaction she is forcing herself not to talk. In every other way she is interacting. Body language and expression are there and she cannot hold on to her laughs. She’s reluctantly having her injections for the infection. She’s still not really cooperating with hygiene but it is being done. Food and drink seem to be OK and she has a good colour. For some reason she is still in pads and they tell us it will take a continence expert to make that change … I’d have thought removing the pads from her room and giving her knickers instead would be a quicker way but, what do I know apart from the fact that I already potty trained her once! So, apart from the not talking which I know really bugs Matt, she seems to be well on the mend. If it turns out the UTI was not the cause of all these problems though we have an issue. Even if we get her

Very brief this After numerous complaints, all upheld, a full time LD nurse has now been put in place. Zoey starts a course of antibiotics today. She is eating and drinking regularly and sleeping OK. She is also communicating a lot more. Had a slight strop earlier, she still argues she doesn’t want to get better or have anyone look after her but, well, let’s see how she is once the UTI is sorted. She will be on a Section 3 next week but staying where she is.

Not ‘Man Flu’ or any type of flu, just a cold but, all the same, rather annoying and unpleasant. I was woken up the other night with a nose bleed, hey, don’t jest, Attila the Hun had a nose bleed in his sleep and it killed him! Right now I am amazed at the production rate of unpleasant gunk in my head tubes, I am already on handkerchief number 3 of the day and it’s not 11am yet. My eyes, wow, stinging much! Aching? Yes, I’d say that’s sums up most of my body. Headache, yep, medication not touching that. Mega tired. I am out this evening so, need to get some more sleep. Appetite disappeared somewhere, not up for eating just yet. My farts really stink, it’s embarrassing! I am hot, and cold, and hot again. Can’t really hear much or smell and seeing is a little vague. So, like I said, a cold. Unpleasant, annoying but I am not dying, life goes on and in a few days it will be gone.

4 Hours out of my life and what a waste of time. OK, not entirely a waste of time but any gains were coincidental. I was invited to go along to a meeting at 3pm, the meeting started at 3:50! The section 2 expires for Zoey at midnight on Tuesday so you’d think the professionals would be in a mad panic to work out what is happening next but, no, not one of them came to the meeting today with any clue what is going to happen next week. How is this for logic: They cannot lawfully keep her there as of midnight Tuesday, that’s not possible because there is no section 2. They cannot issue a section 3 without having a game plan on what services to provide, they know this. The services she needs cannot be provided to an adequate level where she is, they know that too. They want her in a LD unit in Kettering except, that is unsuitable because it is all male at the moment and all have challenging behaviour incompatible with Zoey’s best care. Even so, the LD Psychiatrist today said that a bed

I become more convinced each time I explore the actions at the Berrywood Hospital that their actions are negligent to the point of abuse. They are ignoring the plan they were given by the LD team making statements that no one tells them how to run their wards! That statement from someone who is not LD trained, on the day in question, neither was any other staff member LD trained. Zoey is being left not monitored for over an hour at a time. Her bed is soiled but no one is changing it. She’s been diagnosed with a urine infection but because she is refusing antibiotics, this remains untreated, she is sectioned remember. Under a section 2 order someone can be medicated against their will except in extreme cases such as ECT. There is no reason on this planet why Zoey is not having her infection cured other than negligence. When I asked the head nurse the other day whether they were being slow in offering treatment in the hope that Zoey would be moved elsewhere she replied that she believ

Last night, being alone in my house, I thought I’d say some prayers out loud, I mean, normal conversation loud rather than those late at night whispers. I’m not stupid, I just asked for life to go a little easier on me, allow something good to happen without the hell to over compensate for it. Feeling pleased with myself that I felt comfortable praying out loud I sat down to watch TV and realised I couldn’t focus on it at all. Then I realised I actually could barely see the TV! So, first signs of a migraine, great! Managed to control that with medication. Today, cooking dinner, couldn’t smell the wonder aroma of a Sunday Roast at all so went down to investigate, the oven wasn’t working! Thankfully, we have a top over, a fraction of the size but it still works so, dinner is getting cooked now. Am just wondering, I mean, I didn’t even ask for a sign that anyone was listening, I just trusted. Is the answer really that I am meant to always have to work so much harder than anyone else

At least for a while. There is only so much I am able to take and whilst Zoey is somewhere she is being looked after, I don’t need to go there to be abused, I am taking a short break. Quote from Zoey: "fuck off and leave me alone you bastard" ... She said quite a bit before that but this was after I was explaining they were going to start making her get better there. Trying to let her know that we love her dearly and actually don’t have much say in anything any longer. All I could do was let her know she’s loved and I can’t do anything more to get involved in her care, it’s up to the professionals now. If there is anything positive it is that they finally got to comprehend the level of comprehension and communication skills Zoey has. They can’t pretend she just doesn’t understand any longer. I got the distinct impression I’ve been taken out of the loop. They don’t have to consult me so they won’t sort of thing. An advocate is being brought in now too, seems my opinions

The situation with Zoey doesn’t look to be resolving any time soon. I have to stop burying my head in the sand and hoping it will all go away and life will get back to normal. I’ve got to face my worst case scenario. Zoey isn’t coming back and Sean & Daisy may well be moving out. Annoyingly, I didn’t quite clear all my debts yet, stupidly close and, if things don’t change it’ll be fine but, things have changed and most likely will change more. Zoey’s benefits stop on October 4th, that is in just a week and a few days time. Once that happens, all is not lost but I am struggling. I’ve switched my Caring role onto Robin as he says he needs me about but, doing that has cost Robin £40 a week, I need to make that up to him, he might say not to worry about it but that isn’t good enough. ‘I’ need to sort that. By the end of October the car gets cancelled too. I am trying to remain positive whilst being realistic too. I could wait it out, Zoey might get better this side of Christmas and

I am told Zoey is showing signs of improvement. She is eating more, she is … well, I am not entirely sure what else precisely it is she is doing above and beyond that. She is barely drinking and her blood pressure is constantly low. She is in effectively a nappy (diaper) now because she’s decided she doesn’t much want to use the toilet any longer. She is still screaming at people and being violent when it suits her. Most of this I know from what I am told. Just about every time I am there I get virtually nothing and, why do I get virtually nothing? Because of ‘Susan’. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a nurse and probably a really good one. She’s been doing her job for many years and, so I am told, does manage to get Zoey to do things. The thing is, whenever I am visiting I don’t get to spend any time with Zoey without this woman being involved like she’s family. Every time I try and talk to Zoey she’s listening and comments when she feels the need. I am using my years of experience with my