Steve from England

January was when I was all excited. In love with my man Jo from Gensan, very much looking forward to meeting him in February and planning a future together. Christmas had gone well, Javis was still doing good and working with Zoey. Vodafone was still be annoying and making life difficult getting Sean’s number transferred to his new network but eventually got it sorted. Got to watch 4 films this month, Saving Mr Banks, 12 Years a Slave, The Railway Man and Walking with Dinosaurs, all worth seeing. Do see Facebook for a fuller review of those. If you don’t know already, I am easy to find by going to https://www.facebook.com/northampton   I also went to watch Matthew Bourne’s adaptation of ‘Swan Lake’ in Milton Keynes. February and I watched ‘the Secret life of Walter Mitty’, again, see Facebook for review. Shortly before I left for my travels I held an ‘Adios Party’ as I called it. The reason was that Mindanao isn’t exactly one of the safest places on earth for Westerners. It has a

January was when I was all excited. In love with my man Jo from Gensan, very much looking forward to meeting him in February and planning a future together. Christmas had gone well, Javis was still doing good and working with Zoey. Vodafone was still be annoying and making life difficult getting Sean’s number transferred to his new network but eventually got it sorted. Got to watch 4 films this month, Saving Mr Banks, 12 Years a Slave, The Railway Man and Walking with Dinosaurs, all worth seeing. Do see Facebook for a fuller review of those. If you don’t know already, I am easy to find by going to https://www.facebook.com/northampton   I also went to watch Matthew Bourne’s adaptation of ‘Swan Lake’ in Milton Keynes. February and I watched ‘the Secret life of Walter Mitty’, again, see Facebook for review. Shortly before I left for my travels I held an ‘Adios Party’ as I called it. The reason was that Mindanao isn’t exactly one of the safest places on earth for Westerners. It has a

Well, another Christmas, I’ve had a few of those now, how many? Well, you should know that already dear reader. 2014 has been a bit of a roller coaster year, strange I’d say that, I quite like roller coasters! I travelled all the way around the world this year you know, easterly all the way, that’s a lot of miles I’ve loved and I’ve lost, starting to wonder whether … well, there may be someone, watch this space. Time shall tell, no rush. Too much time has been spent in hospital either as a visitor or a patient, not one of my favourite places. I have been shit on from a great height by at least two, if not more people this year, actually, it’s quite a few more if I am honest with myself about it, not a good year for respect 2014. Oh boy, the debt, hell there is too much of that. Too much of a lot of things we could all do without this year. But, on the whole a lot of good happened, there is always good in amongst the bad, it’s like that, life. I’ve learnt a lot more this year a

Well, another Christmas, I’ve had a few of those now, how many? Well, you should know that already dear reader. 2014 has been a bit of a roller coaster year, strange I’d say that, I quite like roller coasters! I travelled all the way around the world this year you know, easterly all the way, that’s a lot of miles I’ve loved and I’ve lost, starting to wonder whether … well, there may be someone, watch this space. Time shall tell, no rush. Too much time has been spent in hospital either as a visitor or a patient, not one of my favourite places. I have been shit on from a great height by at least two, if not more people this year, actually, it’s quite a few more if I am honest with myself about it, not a good year for respect 2014. Oh boy, the debt, hell there is too much of that. Too much of a lot of things we could all do without this year. But, on the whole a lot of good happened, there is always good in amongst the bad, it’s like that, life. I’ve learnt a lot more this year a

Well, I stopped driving, that just got way too risky. Surgery due for next Tuesday in the afternoon, hell, they should have made it late Christmas Eve! I keep panicking it’s going to get cancelled. Ironically, after getting Matt & Anne to take Jermaine’s gift up to him, he’ll be here on Christmas Eve I am getting that need to be in the Philippines … I’ll just pretend I can afford it to make me feel better Been hearing a lot of stories recently about nasty things being said of me, bothers the hell out of me that otherwise decent people are spreading horrible lies about me. The more they share the information the more others will say there is no smoke without fire. People just don’t realise the damage they can cause with their gossip. Just when I thought everything was sorted with the sale of Dad’s bungalow, someone who shall remain nameless, has gone and put a spanner in the works! The property is sold but someone is blocking the money intentionally, it’s all rather annoying. B

Well, I stopped driving, that just got way too risky. Surgery due for next Tuesday in the afternoon, hell, they should have made it late Christmas Eve! I keep panicking it’s going to get cancelled. Ironically, after getting Matt & Anne to take Jermaine’s gift up to him, he’ll be here on Christmas Eve I am getting that need to be in the Philippines … I’ll just pretend I can afford it to make me feel better Been hearing a lot of stories recently about nasty things being said of me, bothers the hell out of me that otherwise decent people are spreading horrible lies about me. The more they share the information the more others will say there is no smoke without fire. People just don’t realise the damage they can cause with their gossip. Just when I thought everything was sorted with the sale of Dad’s bungalow, someone who shall remain nameless, has gone and put a spanner in the works! The property is sold but someone is blocking the money intentionally, it’s all rather annoying. B

Let's start this by saying, it's not sad to write this, it isn't depression or suicidal thoughts. It is the reality for a lot of single people. Each and every day there comes that time when we acknowledge that the day is over. At that time, no matter what else we were doing before, how noisy it was, right at that moment there is a stillness. There is a lack of anything when the world of nobody seems to stretch out for miles and miles even though there may be people just feet away behind a wall. The once again realised truth that, no one is going to say goodnight tonight. Knowing that if we get cold in the night, no one is there for a hug to warm is up. Being alone, being single is doing things and not sharing them. If we share them it is with those who have not shared the experience, they pretend to be interested, many won't do that either. Don't get me wrong, sometimes being single is an absolute blessing. Not having to justify a decision, not having to consider th

Let's start this by saying, it's not sad to write this, it isn't depression or suicidal thoughts. It is the reality for a lot of single people. Each and every day there comes that time when we acknowledge that the day is over. At that time, no matter what else we were doing before, how noisy it was, right at that moment there is a stillness. There is a lack of anything when the world of nobody seems to stretch out for miles and miles even though there may be people just feet away behind a wall. The once again realised truth that, no one is going to say goodnight tonight. Knowing that if we get cold in the night, no one is there for a hug to warm is up. Being alone, being single is doing things and not sharing them. If we share them it is with those who have not shared the experience, they pretend to be interested, many won't do that either. Don't get me wrong, sometimes being single is an absolute blessing. Not having to justify a decision, not having to consi

Yay, so happy, Sean agreed to go this evening

Yay, so happy, Sean agreed to go this evening

Well, plans I thought I may have for Christmas don't seem likely now. Not entirely sure what direction it's going to go in but I am sure it'll be sorted before the big day. In the meantime, Christmas has started early here at Williams Towers. We're watching Christmas movies and listening to Christmas music. I've completed all my shopping now (How awesome is that). Tonight, being November 5th, is fireworks night and we're heading down to town for the free show there as a family except for Sean who is yet to learn how important it is to grab every quality moment with the kids when they're young ... I am still going to try and persuade him again though, I am sure he'd enjoy it. Dad has placed an offer in for the Essex flat which has been accepted so full steam ahead on that one. I was up way too late last night because I didn't have any plans for this morning. Had a lovely chat with Randy over there in the Philippines until nearly 3am. Of course, as the

Well, plans I thought I may have for Christmas don't seem likely now. Not entirely sure what direction it's going to go in but I am sure it'll be sorted before the big day. In the meantime, Christmas has started early here at Williams Towers. We're watching Christmas movies and listening to Christmas music. I've completed all my shopping now (How awesome is that). Tonight, being November 5th, is fireworks night and we're heading down to town for the free show there as a family except for Sean who is yet to learn how important it is to grab every quality moment with the kids when they're young ... I am still going to try and persuade him again though, I am sure he'd enjoy it. Dad has placed an offer in for the Essex flat which has been accepted so full steam ahead on that one. I was up way too late last night because I didn't have any plans for this morning. Had a lovely chat with Randy over there in the Philippines until nearly 3am. Of course

Had a really busy day today but, let’s backtrack Yesterday the bedroom was turned into a proper bedroom with wardrobe, drawers and so on and my computer stuff and gadgets were moved to another room. I changed my bed clothes, everything looked and worked great. But I stayed up late last night on the Xbox (GTA) and knew I had to get up early. Six hours is normally fine by me, 5 is quite good too so I thought it would be OK. Oh dear, it wasn’t. I seemed to be waking up and each time the clock had moved on an hour or so. By 4am I got up, used the loo, did some relaxation therapy and settled then until I woke at 7:30. Frustrating part is that I had a really busy day lined up so have just ended up so very tired. Now would be a good time to go bed but, I am over tired! I know I won’t sleep yet, it’s just silly like this and, I am up quite early tomorrow too. On the plus side, I don’t have plans for Sunday, I did but now I don’t so, I might sleep a fair bit! Monday is Essex day

Had a really busy day today but, let’s backtrack Yesterday the bedroom was turned into a proper bedroom with wardrobe, drawers and so on and my computer stuff and gadgets were moved to another room. I changed my bed clothes, everything looked and worked great. But I stayed up late last night on the Xbox (GTA) and knew I had to get up early. Six hours is normally fine by me, 5 is quite good too so I thought it would be OK. Oh dear, it wasn’t. I seemed to be waking up and each time the clock had moved on an hour or so. By 4am I got up, used the loo, did some relaxation therapy and settled then until I woke at 7:30. Frustrating part is that I had a really busy day lined up so have just ended up so very tired. Now would be a good time to go bed but, I am over tired! I know I won’t sleep yet, it’s just silly like this and, I am up quite early tomorrow too. On the plus side, I don’t have plans for Sunday, I did but now I don’t so, I might sleep a fair bit! Monday is Essex day

It's maybe presumed that because I write negatively occasionally that I am a negative person, I am really not. Indeed, were I not such a positive person I think I should have gone mad years ago! Those who know me well enough occasionally get infuriated by my positivity, when all they can see is negativity I jump in with an alternative more positive synopsis of a situation. Sometimes I even use a whole selection of stupendously long words, you may have noticed that? Now, I have mentioned in other entries that, now and then, stuff really is sort of poo, there is no point asking someone to think of the positives in their life because, right at that moment they need to let go of the negatives first, it's easier than it sounds. I use visualisation as one tool, breathing methods is another, writing yet another. Adding up all the positives doesn't always work, maths and the mind don't always come to the same answer. So, when we have a negative, it's worth asking someone el

It's maybe presumed that because I write negatively occasionally that I am a negative person, I am really not. Indeed, were I not such a positive person I think I should have gone mad years ago! Those who know me well enough occasionally get infuriated by my positivity, when all they can see is negativity I jump in with an alternative more positive synopsis of a situation. Sometimes I even use a whole selection of stupendously long words, you may have noticed that? Now, I have mentioned in other entries that, now and then, stuff really is sort of poo, there is no point asking someone to think of the positives in their life because, right at that moment they need to let go of the negatives first, it's easier than it sounds. I use visualisation as one tool, breathing methods is another, writing yet another. Adding up all the positives doesn't always work, maths and the mind don't always come to the same answer. So, when we have a negative, it's worth asking some

Hearing news of how my reputation is being ripped apart by false stories about me obviously hurts. It hurts because it means that, to some, these stories might come across as credible because they don’t know me. It might actually stop someone getting helped by me who could really do with being helped by me. I accept why these lies are in existence, it is because someone gains something from them whether it be the moral high ground or a free lifestyle doesn’t much matter but, ironically, by telling those lies I am actually still being the same person I was when I helped them directly, at least partly, because I exist they are getting some sort of help, support or free ride, call it what you will. It is ironic that in seeking to damage me they are actually acknowledging my worth to them being the same as it always was. Unfortunately, there will be victims in this, for every lie there is at least one believer. By the time they realise they’ve been duped it will be too late, they will be a

Hearing news of how my reputation is being ripped apart by false stories about me obviously hurts. It hurts because it means that, to some, these stories might come across as credible because they don’t know me. It might actually stop someone getting helped by me who could really do with being helped by me. I accept why these lies are in existence, it is because someone gains something from them whether it be the moral high ground or a free lifestyle doesn’t much matter but, ironically, by telling those lies I am actually still being the same person I was when I helped them directly, at least partly, because I exist they are getting some sort of help, support or free ride, call it what you will. It is ironic that in seeking to damage me they are actually acknowledging my worth to them being the same as it always was. Unfortunately, there will be victims in this, for every lie there is at least one believer. By the time they realise they’ve been duped it will be too late, they will be

Did I update everyone on the ‘Jo’ situation? My apologies, I should have done. During August the decision came through, it had been rejected. I could see why though and it seemed quite a quick fix, another few hundred £’s but it would have been accepted, I am sure of it. However, Jo decided he didn’t want to appeal. He wanted the decision to stand and just leave it. I remember once, when I was there, if we could not just have a long distance relationship. I explained why there were so many reasons that wouldn’t work for me. Of course, I was a little stupid, perhaps a lot stupid and, turns out all he was really after was my money. I sent over rather a lot after my visit. I thought I could trust him you see. He said he wasn’t getting his wages, I believed him and sent over around £160 every 4 weeks. I paid over £300 to clear his debt on the motorbike he has, I spent nearly £2000 on legal fees and visa fees, another £600+ on flights and accommodation, paid for an English course for him,

Did I update everyone on the ‘Jo’ situation? My apologies, I should have done. During August the decision came through, it had been rejected. I could see why though and it seemed quite a quick fix, another few hundred £’s but it would have been accepted, I am sure of it. However, Jo decided he didn’t want to appeal. He wanted the decision to stand and just leave it. I remember once, when I was there, if we could not just have a long distance relationship. I explained why there were so many reasons that wouldn’t work for me. Of course, I was a little stupid, perhaps a lot stupid and, turns out all he was really after was my money. I sent over rather a lot after my visit. I thought I could trust him you see. He said he wasn’t getting his wages, I believed him and sent over around £160 every 4 weeks. I paid over £300 to clear his debt on the motorbike he has, I spent nearly £2000 on legal fees and visa fees, another £600+ on flights and accommodation, paid for an English course for him,

The past few weeks I've been a bit stressy (A 'bit' he says). I couldn't help the way I was feeling. I usually see these things coming and nip them in the bud before they get going but, this one caught me on the back foot and took hold. I know why, you don't need to know, not on here anyway but my behaviour during it let me down and hurt people I had no right to hurt. Most my friends and particularly family have stood by me. I lost some friends along the way but, I think I needed to do that, some unfinished business playing on my mind with some of them. So, today, 12th October 2014 I am starting again. I did a reboot yesterday which was horrible but today I am ready to go and the man upstairs must know this and has kindly provided some blue sky and sunshine for me. It's difficult to talk about mental health issues, it's not like a broken arm or something visible. Unless someone has suffered from it then it comes across as negativity and selfishness and proba

The past few weeks I've been a bit stressy (A 'bit' he says). I couldn't help the way I was feeling. I usually see these things coming and nip them in the bud before they get going but, this one caught me on the back foot and took hold. I know why, you don't need to know, not on here anyway but my behaviour during it let me down and hurt people I had no right to hurt. Most my friends and particularly family have stood by me. I lost some friends along the way but, I think I needed to do that, some unfinished business playing on my mind with some of them. So, today, 12th October 2014 I am starting again. I did a reboot yesterday which was horrible but today I am ready to go and the man upstairs must know this and has kindly provided some blue sky and sunshine for me. It's difficult to talk about mental health issues, it's not like a broken arm or something visible. Unless someone has suffered from it then it comes across as negativity and selfishness and proba

I can't speak for all homosexuals, I can only speak for me but, maybe some of this rings true for others and it's a story that only part told to date. Perhaps in reading it you might discover more of me than you knew, it might explain to you why I appear strong and capable of dealing with anything. Being gay ... well, I didn't know I was for many years and that's because I didn't even know such a thing existed. Some have found it strange but I am telling you like it is, from around age 5 I certainly knew I wasn't like other boys. My first same sex experience was with another boy actually in class at school. We were just being innocent kids, surely most kids do this sort of experimentation at some point don't they? I remember doing straight experimentation too, I can also remember wanting that to be over with as quickly as possible whilst the same sex one I yearned for it to happen again. I don't remember whether he started it or I did, we were both the s

I can't speak for all homosexuals, I can only speak for me but, maybe some of this rings true for others and it's a story that only part told to date. Perhaps in reading it you might discover more of me than you knew, it might explain to you why I appear strong and capable of dealing with anything. Being gay ... well, I didn't know I was for many years and that's because I didn't even know such a thing existed. Some have found it strange but I am telling you like it is, from around age 5 I certainly knew I wasn't like other boys. My first same sex experience was with another boy actually in class at school. We were just being innocent kids, surely most kids do this sort of experimentation at some point don't they? I remember doing straight experimentation too, I can also remember wanting that to be over with as quickly as possible whilst the same sex one I yearned for it to happen again. I don't remember whether he started it or I did, we were both the