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Showing posts from April, 2013

Loss

This subject is so complicated because it comes in degrees and variants. How do we measure loss? As a child, the loss of a goldfish can be devastating yet, as an adult, it’s just a fish. Loss is a personal thing, what may be shrugged off by one is the straw that breaks the camels back for someone else. As a small child I lost my teddy bear. I was in hospital when I was around 5 and another kid took it home with him, no other teddy would do, that was ‘teddy’ and bedtimes were not the same. Moving on and my life was not too bad. Even as a kid though I had valued toys stolen from me, that hurt as it was always by a relative, a cousin and no one seemed to care, it was always better not to rock the boat, not cause a fuss by mentioning anything so I got used to loss with silence and denial. I fell in love at 20, I was a late starter. We were together for 2 years and I loved him deeply. When he literally disappeared from my love it was difficult to get over but, I rationalised it that a pas

Loss

This subject is so complicated because it comes in degrees and variants. How do we measure loss? As a child, the loss of a goldfish can be devastating yet, as an adult, it’s just a fish. Loss is a personal thing, what may be shrugged off by one is the straw that breaks the camels back for someone else. As a small child I lost my teddy bear. I was in hospital when I was around 5 and another kid took it home with him, no other teddy would do, that was ‘teddy’ and bedtimes were not the same. Moving on and my life was not too bad. Even as a kid though I had valued toys stolen from me, that hurt as it was always by a relative, a cousin and no one seemed to care, it was always better not to rock the boat, not cause a fuss by mentioning anything so I got used to loss with silence and denial. I fell in love at 20, I was a late starter. We were together for 2 years and I loved him deeply. When he literally disappeared from my love it was difficult to get over but, I rationalised it that a pas

50th June 4th

Click on the image above to go to my site telling everyone what I’d like my 50th to be about. It’s not just June 4th, it’s all the moments leading up to it as well. It’s important that by June 4th I have a clear idea of who values me, why they do and who doesn’t. It’s actually really important to me as my 50th year, from 2012-2013 has been awful and totally shaken my emotions and trust, I have to rebuild somehow. So, for me, my birthday is my chance to do that, my opportunity to establish who thinks I am important to them and who doesn’t so I can move on with my life as uncomplicated as possible. If that means that some people ‘I’ love and value will have to be removed from my life then, that will be their choice because, it’s only their actions which would make me think that’s what ‘they’ want. This may come across as very dramatic but, after the totally fucked up year I have had where I have all but lost it, ‘I’ NEED to know who my real close friends are, who can I trust? Who thin

50th June 4th

Click on the image above to go to my site telling everyone what I’d like my 50th to be about. It’s not just June 4th, it’s all the moments leading up to it as well. It’s important that by June 4th I have a clear idea of who values me, why they do and who doesn’t. It’s actually really important to me as my 50th year, from 2012-2013 has been awful and totally shaken my emotions and trust, I have to rebuild somehow. So, for me, my birthday is my chance to do that, my opportunity to establish who thinks I am important to them and who doesn’t so I can move on with my life as uncomplicated as possible. If that means that some people ‘I’ love and value will have to be removed from my life then, that will be their choice because, it’s only their actions which would make me think that’s what ‘they’ want. This may come across as very dramatic but, after the totally fucked up year I have had where I have all but lost it, ‘I’ NEED to know who my real close friends are, who can I trust? Who thin