Steve from England

Had a really busy day today but, let’s backtrack Yesterday the bedroom was turned into a proper bedroom with wardrobe, drawers and so on and my computer stuff and gadgets were moved to another room. I changed my bed clothes, everything looked and worked great. But I stayed up late last night on the Xbox (GTA) and knew I had to get up early. Six hours is normally fine by me, 5 is quite good too so I thought it would be OK. Oh dear, it wasn’t. I seemed to be waking up and each time the clock had moved on an hour or so. By 4am I got up, used the loo, did some relaxation therapy and settled then until I woke at 7:30. Frustrating part is that I had a really busy day lined up so have just ended up so very tired. Now would be a good time to go bed but, I am over tired! I know I won’t sleep yet, it’s just silly like this and, I am up quite early tomorrow too. On the plus side, I don’t have plans for Sunday, I did but now I don’t so, I might sleep a fair bit! Monday is Essex day

Had a really busy day today but, let’s backtrack Yesterday the bedroom was turned into a proper bedroom with wardrobe, drawers and so on and my computer stuff and gadgets were moved to another room. I changed my bed clothes, everything looked and worked great. But I stayed up late last night on the Xbox (GTA) and knew I had to get up early. Six hours is normally fine by me, 5 is quite good too so I thought it would be OK. Oh dear, it wasn’t. I seemed to be waking up and each time the clock had moved on an hour or so. By 4am I got up, used the loo, did some relaxation therapy and settled then until I woke at 7:30. Frustrating part is that I had a really busy day lined up so have just ended up so very tired. Now would be a good time to go bed but, I am over tired! I know I won’t sleep yet, it’s just silly like this and, I am up quite early tomorrow too. On the plus side, I don’t have plans for Sunday, I did but now I don’t so, I might sleep a fair bit! Monday is Essex day

It's maybe presumed that because I write negatively occasionally that I am a negative person, I am really not. Indeed, were I not such a positive person I think I should have gone mad years ago! Those who know me well enough occasionally get infuriated by my positivity, when all they can see is negativity I jump in with an alternative more positive synopsis of a situation. Sometimes I even use a whole selection of stupendously long words, you may have noticed that? Now, I have mentioned in other entries that, now and then, stuff really is sort of poo, there is no point asking someone to think of the positives in their life because, right at that moment they need to let go of the negatives first, it's easier than it sounds. I use visualisation as one tool, breathing methods is another, writing yet another. Adding up all the positives doesn't always work, maths and the mind don't always come to the same answer. So, when we have a negative, it's worth asking someone el

It's maybe presumed that because I write negatively occasionally that I am a negative person, I am really not. Indeed, were I not such a positive person I think I should have gone mad years ago! Those who know me well enough occasionally get infuriated by my positivity, when all they can see is negativity I jump in with an alternative more positive synopsis of a situation. Sometimes I even use a whole selection of stupendously long words, you may have noticed that? Now, I have mentioned in other entries that, now and then, stuff really is sort of poo, there is no point asking someone to think of the positives in their life because, right at that moment they need to let go of the negatives first, it's easier than it sounds. I use visualisation as one tool, breathing methods is another, writing yet another. Adding up all the positives doesn't always work, maths and the mind don't always come to the same answer. So, when we have a negative, it's worth asking some

Hearing news of how my reputation is being ripped apart by false stories about me obviously hurts. It hurts because it means that, to some, these stories might come across as credible because they don’t know me. It might actually stop someone getting helped by me who could really do with being helped by me. I accept why these lies are in existence, it is because someone gains something from them whether it be the moral high ground or a free lifestyle doesn’t much matter but, ironically, by telling those lies I am actually still being the same person I was when I helped them directly, at least partly, because I exist they are getting some sort of help, support or free ride, call it what you will. It is ironic that in seeking to damage me they are actually acknowledging my worth to them being the same as it always was. Unfortunately, there will be victims in this, for every lie there is at least one believer. By the time they realise they’ve been duped it will be too late, they will be a

Hearing news of how my reputation is being ripped apart by false stories about me obviously hurts. It hurts because it means that, to some, these stories might come across as credible because they don’t know me. It might actually stop someone getting helped by me who could really do with being helped by me. I accept why these lies are in existence, it is because someone gains something from them whether it be the moral high ground or a free lifestyle doesn’t much matter but, ironically, by telling those lies I am actually still being the same person I was when I helped them directly, at least partly, because I exist they are getting some sort of help, support or free ride, call it what you will. It is ironic that in seeking to damage me they are actually acknowledging my worth to them being the same as it always was. Unfortunately, there will be victims in this, for every lie there is at least one believer. By the time they realise they’ve been duped it will be too late, they will be

Did I update everyone on the ‘Jo’ situation? My apologies, I should have done. During August the decision came through, it had been rejected. I could see why though and it seemed quite a quick fix, another few hundred £’s but it would have been accepted, I am sure of it. However, Jo decided he didn’t want to appeal. He wanted the decision to stand and just leave it. I remember once, when I was there, if we could not just have a long distance relationship. I explained why there were so many reasons that wouldn’t work for me. Of course, I was a little stupid, perhaps a lot stupid and, turns out all he was really after was my money. I sent over rather a lot after my visit. I thought I could trust him you see. He said he wasn’t getting his wages, I believed him and sent over around £160 every 4 weeks. I paid over £300 to clear his debt on the motorbike he has, I spent nearly £2000 on legal fees and visa fees, another £600+ on flights and accommodation, paid for an English course for him,

Did I update everyone on the ‘Jo’ situation? My apologies, I should have done. During August the decision came through, it had been rejected. I could see why though and it seemed quite a quick fix, another few hundred £’s but it would have been accepted, I am sure of it. However, Jo decided he didn’t want to appeal. He wanted the decision to stand and just leave it. I remember once, when I was there, if we could not just have a long distance relationship. I explained why there were so many reasons that wouldn’t work for me. Of course, I was a little stupid, perhaps a lot stupid and, turns out all he was really after was my money. I sent over rather a lot after my visit. I thought I could trust him you see. He said he wasn’t getting his wages, I believed him and sent over around £160 every 4 weeks. I paid over £300 to clear his debt on the motorbike he has, I spent nearly £2000 on legal fees and visa fees, another £600+ on flights and accommodation, paid for an English course for him,

The past few weeks I've been a bit stressy (A 'bit' he says). I couldn't help the way I was feeling. I usually see these things coming and nip them in the bud before they get going but, this one caught me on the back foot and took hold. I know why, you don't need to know, not on here anyway but my behaviour during it let me down and hurt people I had no right to hurt. Most my friends and particularly family have stood by me. I lost some friends along the way but, I think I needed to do that, some unfinished business playing on my mind with some of them. So, today, 12th October 2014 I am starting again. I did a reboot yesterday which was horrible but today I am ready to go and the man upstairs must know this and has kindly provided some blue sky and sunshine for me. It's difficult to talk about mental health issues, it's not like a broken arm or something visible. Unless someone has suffered from it then it comes across as negativity and selfishness and proba

The past few weeks I've been a bit stressy (A 'bit' he says). I couldn't help the way I was feeling. I usually see these things coming and nip them in the bud before they get going but, this one caught me on the back foot and took hold. I know why, you don't need to know, not on here anyway but my behaviour during it let me down and hurt people I had no right to hurt. Most my friends and particularly family have stood by me. I lost some friends along the way but, I think I needed to do that, some unfinished business playing on my mind with some of them. So, today, 12th October 2014 I am starting again. I did a reboot yesterday which was horrible but today I am ready to go and the man upstairs must know this and has kindly provided some blue sky and sunshine for me. It's difficult to talk about mental health issues, it's not like a broken arm or something visible. Unless someone has suffered from it then it comes across as negativity and selfishness and proba