Steve from England

As we move on our annual passage through life saying farewell to one year and welcoming in the next I think it is important to look at our lives and take ownership. Some of us will have had a horrible childhood, it could be bullying, neglect or some other thing we consider to not have been ‘the best’. In later years we make choices, adult choices and sometimes we forget those choices and blame life in general for our situation. Do not please get me wrong, many things in life are indeed, unfair, some, possibly many are just plain wrong but accepting those we do have to realise we make choices. As an adult we can choose to let go of our childhood, accept that it happened but agree with ourselves that the only way to move forward is to stop allowing ourselves to blame the past for where we are, that’s just an excuse we tell ourselves because, let’s face it, life can be a scary prospect. We get so used to saying this or that causes us not to whatever that it becomes a comfort blanket fo

It’s easy to write off a year and be glad to see the back of it but, even the worst years will have added something to our life experiences and made us who we are. What we do with those good or bad experiences shows everyone what we’re about. Not bragging too much about the good, not overplaying the bad. Coping when we can cope and accepting the help when we cannot. For me perhaps ‘interesting’ best described this rapidly departing year. One of highs and lows both of which have been heavy on the emotion. Serious issues with Zoey resulted in her finally moving out. That was a very unpleasant experience for many involved. Me and Dennis getting stronger in our relationship, becoming engaged, failing to get a visitors visa for him to come here, succeeding on getting a fiancé visa, huge highs and lows. Dealing with some huge trust and betrayal issues along the way and coming through it making us stronger. My getting close to the new family over in the Philippines Setting in motion getti

I visited an old school friend earlier, first time I’d seen him in several years. When I say ‘old’ I mean the same age as me but, in his case, ‘old’ works. He answered the door and whilst it was obviously him what I saw was a little bent over old man. This guy has been an alcoholic for a great many years. He’s lacked confidence for as long as I can remember and acted the fool at school as it was his mask to hide his insecurities. He was a young man growing up with an alcoholic father and a mother who was of a generation which were always old in attitude and look, a lovely lady but, never young from my recollection, probably into her 40’s when she had him. He has a brother who put it about, on wife number 3 and I lose count how many children he acknowledges. His older brother was gay, he passed with a HIV related illness a long while back. He’s spent his life in the closet, not just for his sexuality, which he now acknowledges but also from life itself, too afraid to live a life in ca

In the last month I finalised the sale of Dad’s flat in Essex, I worked out a 3 year plan whereby he keeps the ownership of the new flat in Northampton and has tenants in (already done) and this part pays for his care home which I found and he’s been in now  for 3 weeks. It’s a 3 year plan because part of that funding comes from his savings. Sadly, they won’t last forever but, when they expire, in about 3 years, the property should be worth a lot more than currently it is and he’ll have an additional funding source adequate for the rest of his life. I visited Dad the once after he moved into the care home but it was a horrible experience. He’s was at the stage whereby he knew I was, sort of knew who Daisy was but is in lala land for most everything else. He’s totally forgotten that I’ve been there for him these past few years and blames me for everything in his life going wrong. I will visit again but it’s been a really hectic time so I need to get myself emotionally strong enough firs