Steve from England

So far today I have cleared up a lot of piss and I somehow doubt I am finished yet! Jermaine has pissed on his bed three times so far which has meant three lots of bedding having to be washed. He won’t come downstairs and, well, probably for the best as he just seems to want to piss everywhere right now making no attempt to use the toilet at all. That is three wet beds but he has pissed his clothes another two times as well. I have washing backing up yet am concentrating purely on his mess. The carers were here this morning. One arrived on time, the other was 10 minutes late and it took another 15 to tell them what to do and answer their questions so I was late by 25 minutes for my break. The nurse was booked for midday but didn’t show until nearly 1pm by which time Jermaine had seen his lunch sitting on the side and got well and truly angry so was in no mood to eat or have injections by the time the nurse showed up. Thus started his pissing spree. I did have a nice bacon butty and an

So far today I have cleared up a lot of piss and I somehow doubt I am finished yet! Jermaine has pissed on his bed three times so far which has meant three lots of bedding having to be washed. He won’t come downstairs and, well, probably for the best as he just seems to want to piss everywhere right now making no attempt to use the toilet at all. That is three wet beds but he has pissed his clothes another two times as well. I have washing backing up yet am concentrating purely on his mess. The carers were here this morning. One arrived on time, the other was 10 minutes late and it took another 15 to tell them what to do and answer their questions so I was late by 25 minutes for my break. The nurse was booked for midday but didn’t show until nearly 1pm by which time Jermaine had seen his lunch sitting on the side and got well and truly angry so was in no mood to eat or have injections by the time the nurse showed up. Thus started his pissing spree. I did have a nice bacon butty and an

Today was the important meeting with the health department to discuss an assessment for Jermaine at Hargrave House in Rushden. I was called last week to be told that Jermaine would go in this Monday (yesterday) that was then corrected to say, probably Wednesday and altered again today to say defiantly Monday but that I had to get him there. OK, not a problem. During this meeting we discover that he is definitely going to be there for at least 28 days but possibly less. He would not go back to school for 2 weeks and after that we have another meeting to discuss exactly how long he is in there for; they may even section him to comply with the mental health act requirements on restraint and evasive treatment. In order to know if they have to do that or not they have to do a mental capacity assessment, basically to find out if he is capable of understanding and, as a result, give informed consent to anything. What I expect to get out of this is a bit of paper that says “Hey, his dad was ri

Today was the important meeting with the health department to discuss an assessment for Jermaine at Hargrave House in Rushden. I was called last week to be told that Jermaine would go in this Monday (yesterday) that was then corrected to say, probably Wednesday and altered again today to say defiantly Monday but that I had to get him there. OK, not a problem. During this meeting we discover that he is definitely going to be there for at least 28 days but possibly less. He would not go back to school for 2 weeks and after that we have another meeting to discuss exactly how long he is in there for; they may even section him to comply with the mental health act requirements on restraint and evasive treatment. In order to know if they have to do that or not they have to do a mental capacity assessment, basically to find out if he is capable of understanding and, as a result, give informed consent to anything. What I expect to get out of this is a bit of paper that says “Hey, his dad was ri

It is really quiet here with just Jermaine. Thankfully he is in an OK mood this morning so not so terrible but time is really dragging not being able to do much. Finding out that I am rapidly becoming the only single guy I know and with little prospect of that changing, life is a little depressing just now, all work and no play at all. Could well do with a good massage and a little fun though I think I have forgotten what to do! All plans for this year are on hold so nothing at all to look forward to except going to stay with Gary and Tom for the weekend

It is really quiet here with just Jermaine. Thankfully he is in an OK mood this morning so not so terrible but time is really dragging not being able to do much. Finding out that I am rapidly becoming the only single guy I know and with little prospect of that changing, life is a little depressing just now, all work and no play at all. Could well do with a good massage and a little fun though I think I have forgotten what to do! All plans for this year are on hold so nothing at all to look forward to except going to stay with Gary and Tom for the weekend

Totally knackering drive from home to Twickenham to Basildon and home again. The day was OK but ate too much and very tired.

Totally knackering drive from home to Twickenham to Basildon and home again. The day was OK but ate too much and very tired.

It’s not possible, as far as I am aware as to how to do an accurate scream in text form so can you, the reader, insert a scream of your choice in this box please? [ …….. ] I was just earlier in a very long meeting with social services and health, duration of some 2 and a half hours, and it was predictably a meeting to arrange a meeting. We have moved into a different spectrum now of social worker, now we have 4 layers of management turning up to meetings, heaven only knows how much money is wasted by this amount of staffing but I should think it were substantial. Much of what was discussed were items already raised and not acted upon in previous meetings. At this point I acknowledge just how dull this may seem to anyone not fully aware of our family situation and the inner working of social services and health … I shall try to elaborate as I go along. To place a summary we can say this: Social Services agreed over a year ago that we are entitled to 70 nights of respite in a residential

It’s not possible, as far as I am aware as to how to do an accurate scream in text form so can you, the reader, insert a scream of your choice in this box please? [ …….. ] I was just earlier in a very long meeting with social services and health, duration of some 2 and a half hours, and it was predictably a meeting to arrange a meeting. We have moved into a different spectrum now of social worker, now we have 4 layers of management turning up to meetings, heaven only knows how much money is wasted by this amount of staffing but I should think it were substantial. Much of what was discussed were items already raised and not acted upon in previous meetings. At this point I acknowledge just how dull this may seem to anyone not fully aware of our family situation and the inner working of social services and health … I shall try to elaborate as I go along. To place a summary we can say this: Social Services agreed over a year ago that we are entitled to 70 nights of respite in a residential

This will only mean something to anyone that knows Tony as I do but I hope others will feel the same way as well. Fancy a coffee, my treat? Yes, I fancy a coffee For the life that you led me to, I fancy a coffee For the confidence you found in me, I fancy a coffee For the fun times doing things I would never have done, I fancy a coffee For your tenderness, I fancy a coffee For your love, I fancy a coffee For you, I fancy a coffee, my treat. 'Fancy a coffee' is one of those phrases Tony has when he actually wants something else like a rest or a ciggie, sometimes even a coffee!

This will only mean something to anyone that knows Tony as I do but I hope others will feel the same way as well. Fancy a coffee, my treat? Yes, I fancy a coffee For the life that you led me to, I fancy a coffee For the confidence you found in me, I fancy a coffee For the fun times doing things I would never have done, I fancy a coffee For your tenderness, I fancy a coffee For your love, I fancy a coffee For you, I fancy a coffee, my treat. 'Fancy a coffee' is one of those phrases Tony has when he actually wants something else like a rest or a ciggie, sometimes even a coffee!

Yesterday I had my ex in-laws here and it was an OK sort of day though I was feeling a little tired toward around 7pm. Jermaine tried to hit his nan but was otherwise fine and it was mainly because she made him jump. I didn't get up until gone midday today and I am pleased to say my hands have not been quite so painful but almost as useless, my typing is actually crap but this is my 2 finger tidied up version. It's an OK day, not a lot going on and nice to just relax for a change and catch up on some paperwork. Been thinking a lot about Tony and how Pete & Danny are coping but I have to be realistic, I cannot be there or on the phone all the time. It's good to have Robin to talk to

Yesterday I had my ex in-laws here and it was an OK sort of day though I was feeling a little tired toward around 7pm. Jermaine tried to hit his nan but was otherwise fine and it was mainly because she made him jump. I didn't get up until gone midday today and I am pleased to say my hands have not been quite so painful but almost as useless, my typing is actually crap but this is my 2 finger tidied up version. It's an OK day, not a lot going on and nice to just relax for a change and catch up on some paperwork. Been thinking a lot about Tony and how Pete & Danny are coping but I have to be realistic, I cannot be there or on the phone all the time. It's good to have Robin to talk to

It has been a nice day today but has also proved to be just how unwell I am. Got up early to go and meet Seb down town and had a really fun time. It was great to laugh a lot and be on the same wavelength as someone else. Annoyingly, because I think Seb and I could be really good friends, he is probably moving back to France again soon so I may only see him one more time before he goes and I am a bit gutted about that. Drove over to Robin’s after that and took him some new mugs. I figured it is always nice to have something new and fresh in the house and it is kinda of a way of me being there when I can’t be too. Memo to self: Cut Robin’s hair … no, I am not obsessed with hair, I just seem to be OK at cutting it and it needs cutting. I got back here with good intentions to do some housework, cook dinner etc but I was so shattered I just needed to go to bed. Very pleased to have the chance to speak to Danny first though. Daisy was really good earlier. She cooked dinner without complaint

It has been a nice day today but has also proved to be just how unwell I am. Got up early to go and meet Seb down town and had a really fun time. It was great to laugh a lot and be on the same wavelength as someone else. Annoyingly, because I think Seb and I could be really good friends, he is probably moving back to France again soon so I may only see him one more time before he goes and I am a bit gutted about that. Drove over to Robin’s after that and took him some new mugs. I figured it is always nice to have something new and fresh in the house and it is kinda of a way of me being there when I can’t be too. Memo to self: Cut Robin’s hair … no, I am not obsessed with hair, I just seem to be OK at cutting it and it needs cutting. I got back here with good intentions to do some housework, cook dinner etc but I was so shattered I just needed to go to bed. Very pleased to have the chance to speak to Danny first though. Daisy was really good earlier. She cooked dinner without complaint

Paul left this morning and this afternoon Jermaine arrived home from a totally terrible cock up of nearly three weeks of respite. It’s not worth writing all about it here as, well, to be honest, I don’t know all the details myself yet. Suffice to say that he was messed about a lot and it was all totally avoidable. With all that, he still managed to come home with a smiling face and eagerness to hug; it was such a relief to get him back like that. At the dentist, I saw a different one, I had to do some negotiating as what this guy was saying was different to the last story I got and my natural distrust of dentists made me want to be sure before I agreed to anything. Daisy wanted to go along with me and I couldn’t see any reason why not and I am so glad she did. The dentist convinced me, with demonstrations and explanations what he needed to do so I allowed him to proceed. I needed a major descaling which hurt like hell. This was where Daisy proved so vital to me. She noticed me in pain

Paul left this morning and this afternoon Jermaine arrived home from a totally terrible cock up of nearly three weeks of respite. It’s not worth writing all about it here as, well, to be honest, I don’t know all the details myself yet. Suffice to say that he was messed about a lot and it was all totally avoidable. With all that, he still managed to come home with a smiling face and eagerness to hug; it was such a relief to get him back like that. At the dentist, I saw a different one, I had to do some negotiating as what this guy was saying was different to the last story I got and my natural distrust of dentists made me want to be sure before I agreed to anything. Daisy wanted to go along with me and I couldn’t see any reason why not and I am so glad she did. The dentist convinced me, with demonstrations and explanations what he needed to do so I allowed him to proceed. I needed a major descaling which hurt like hell. This was where Daisy proved so vital to me. She noticed me in pain

My friend from Dagenham, Paul visited today and I was so hoping I had felt better than I did. In fact, I woke up this morning hurting like hell. Annoyingly one of my antibiotics has a side effect of buggering about with my circulation. Of course, still can’t open my mouth either. Anyway, Paul and I spoke, most of which I can’t repeat because it is confidential. But I think we both conveyed how much we have loved each other for years. I am not sure that means the sort of love that leads to a relationship and my condition certainly stopped me from trying anything physical though I really wanted to. It concerns me that Paul is not well yet he is frightened to go to the doctor to get sorted. He could so easily get himself fit and healthy again yet is fixated on old wives tales of the past to how his sort of problems are dealt with and it is really so much easier now. I think I managed to convince him that 42 is not old though!

My friend from Dagenham, Paul visited today and I was so hoping I had felt better than I did. In fact, I woke up this morning hurting like hell. Annoyingly one of my antibiotics has a side effect of buggering about with my circulation. Of course, still can’t open my mouth either. Anyway, Paul and I spoke, most of which I can’t repeat because it is confidential. But I think we both conveyed how much we have loved each other for years. I am not sure that means the sort of love that leads to a relationship and my condition certainly stopped me from trying anything physical though I really wanted to. It concerns me that Paul is not well yet he is frightened to go to the doctor to get sorted. He could so easily get himself fit and healthy again yet is fixated on old wives tales of the past to how his sort of problems are dealt with and it is really so much easier now. I think I managed to convince him that 42 is not old though!

I had a lovely day today. Went over to Tony’s, the whole of Castlethorpe will forever be Tony’s place to me. I was greeted by Danny and Tom soon joined us. I also met Tony and I was dreading that as I so didn’t want to be blubbering knowing how Tony doesn’t really do outbursts of emotion well and, thankfully, I was just so relieved to see him at all that I simply enjoyed his company and had a small giggle with him and it was nice. Danny cooked a Jambalaya which was gorgeous and I followed that with some ice cream thoroughly enjoying both. Tony looked amazingly well, even with his illness he still manages to ignore his age and be ‘Tony’, he is truly amazing, such an attractive man. I didn’t check but he probably needs a haircut! Tom will always be great and another of those that does not have an age. I know how old he is but he doesn’t live by his age, he is a person that can rise above numbers and I have a great deal of respect for him. I know he is going to, if not already, find it to

I had a lovely day today. Went over to Tony’s, the whole of Castlethorpe will forever be Tony’s place to me. I was greeted by Danny and Tom soon joined us. I also met Tony and I was dreading that as I so didn’t want to be blubbering knowing how Tony doesn’t really do outbursts of emotion well and, thankfully, I was just so relieved to see him at all that I simply enjoyed his company and had a small giggle with him and it was nice. Danny cooked a Jambalaya which was gorgeous and I followed that with some ice cream thoroughly enjoying both. Tony looked amazingly well, even with his illness he still manages to ignore his age and be ‘Tony’, he is truly amazing, such an attractive man. I didn’t check but he probably needs a haircut! Tom will always be great and another of those that does not have an age. I know how old he is but he doesn’t live by his age, he is a person that can rise above numbers and I have a great deal of respect for him. I know he is going to, if not already, find it to

Last night I took the kids to McDonalds at Sixfields. Just a normal trip, well, normal except for me not being able to eat anything. Well, it soon turned out to be far less than normal when I pulled into the cinema car park where I normally leave the car. Sitting on the corner was a red Volvo estate car, an ‘E’ reg and suddenly the gravity of what Robin had told me about Tony struck home and I was totally gone, weeping like a baby. Not even sure how I managed to park the car I was crying so much. Matt was amazing, he lent over and just hugged me and Daisy stroked my hair … when did I deserve such great kids? Anyway, I gave up trying to stop myself and just sat there weeping in McDonalds, I considered I had the right. Tony is one of my closest friends and I probably owe him so much more than any other for the way he turned my life around. We met in the summer of 1998, he was the first openly gay friend I had, well, I mean ‘real’ friend and not just an acquaintance. He was kind to me, he

Last night I took the kids to McDonalds at Sixfields. Just a normal trip, well, normal except for me not being able to eat anything. Well, it soon turned out to be far less than normal when I pulled into the cinema car park where I normally leave the car. Sitting on the corner was a red Volvo estate car, an ‘E’ reg and suddenly the gravity of what Robin had told me about Tony struck home and I was totally gone, weeping like a baby. Not even sure how I managed to park the car I was crying so much. Matt was amazing, he lent over and just hugged me and Daisy stroked my hair … when did I deserve such great kids? Anyway, I gave up trying to stop myself and just sat there weeping in McDonalds, I considered I had the right. Tony is one of my closest friends and I probably owe him so much more than any other for the way he turned my life around. We met in the summer of 1998, he was the first openly gay friend I had, well, I mean ‘real’ friend and not just an acquaintance. He was kind to me, he

I was so glad to get to see Pete today and to be able to help if only a little. I feel so much for Pete that it hurts. He must be going through so much pain just now and he has already been through so much and just when he was celebrating getting rid of the happy pills, along comes the big ‘C’ to screw things up. Love ya Pete. After Pete’s I got myself to the hospital who referred me to a dentist and he did a lot of poking around before telling me I needed some other antibiotics as the ones I had were totally wrong. To say it hurt is understating the facts. He told me to come back on Friday and see what progress had been made As it stands I still don’t know what is wrong but am in a lot of pain and still can’t open my mouth more than a fingers width and I have small fingers.

I was so glad to get to see Pete today and to be able to help if only a little. I feel so much for Pete that it hurts. He must be going through so much pain just now and he has already been through so much and just when he was celebrating getting rid of the happy pills, along comes the big ‘C’ to screw things up. Love ya Pete. After Pete’s I got myself to the hospital who referred me to a dentist and he did a lot of poking around before telling me I needed some other antibiotics as the ones I had were totally wrong. To say it hurt is understating the facts. He told me to come back on Friday and see what progress had been made As it stands I still don’t know what is wrong but am in a lot of pain and still can’t open my mouth more than a fingers width and I have small fingers.

A huge thanks to Robin for taking us too and picking us up from the airport and telling me the news than Tony has cancer. He is a total star. The news had not sunk in when he told me but I could feel his pain in having to tell me and he handled it so well, I adore him immensely.

A huge thanks to Robin for taking us too and picking us up from the airport and telling me the news than Tony has cancer. He is a total star. The news had not sunk in when he told me but I could feel his pain in having to tell me and he handled it so well, I adore him immensely.

The second week we were sick of walking so we rented a yellow VW Beetle Convertible just because it looked dead trendy! These are the trips we did in it … Roque Nublo , the old volcano of the island and it was amazing because for the first time ever it was totally clear. We had excellent views over to Tenerife and Mount Teide and Maspalomas. The air was thin but clean and just a little cooler then lower down … I think even Matt, who, in theory would have the place flattened in favour of a theme park, seemed to get some enjoyment from it. Puerto Mogan is a small fishing village that has been theme parked into something totally different. Not in a bad way, it is still very attractive, maybe even more so than originally but very obviously worked by developers rather than time. I had the weirdest steak ever cooked in strawberries and banana which was strangely enjoyable. Daisy had some fresh tuna and now is convinced she preferred it from a tin. Matt and Zoey had Paella but I doubt either

The second week we were sick of walking so we rented a yellow VW Beetle Convertible just because it looked dead trendy! These are the trips we did in it … Roque Nublo , the old volcano of the island and it was amazing because for the first time ever it was totally clear. We had excellent views over to Tenerife and Mount Teide and Maspalomas. The air was thin but clean and just a little cooler then lower down … I think even Matt, who, in theory would have the place flattened in favour of a theme park, seemed to get some enjoyment from it. Puerto Mogan is a small fishing village that has been theme parked into something totally different. Not in a bad way, it is still very attractive, maybe even more so than originally but very obviously worked by developers rather than time. I had the weirdest steak ever cooked in strawberries and banana which was strangely enjoyable. Daisy had some fresh tuna and now is convinced she preferred it from a tin. Matt and Zoey had Paella but I doubt either

• Faro 1 still has the giant turn marking where the loos are. • Roja still make those loos • Leg room is getting even less on planes and if I notice it must be bad. • One of the guys at Merlin’s (the Italian one) seriously broke his leg roller skating and is off work just now but hopes to be back for September. He doesn’t look at all himself though, bless him. • It was lovely to meet Ree and Jules out there a couple of times, they seemed like really good fun so it was annoying I felt too crap to really enjoy their company. • I am starting to really dislike the Spanish. Not all of them of course, I have not met all of them! Our neighbours on both sides of the apartment seemed incapable of talking to each other in anything less then a bellow. They were worse than the Germans for reserving sun beds. They dominated the pool and just didn’t give a sod if they spoiled the enjoyment of others especially if those others were not Spanish. They smoked regardless of regulations to the contrary. A

• Faro 1 still has the giant turn marking where the loos are. • Roja still make those loos • Leg room is getting even less on planes and if I notice it must be bad. • One of the guys at Merlin’s (the Italian one) seriously broke his leg roller skating and is off work just now but hopes to be back for September. He doesn’t look at all himself though, bless him. • It was lovely to meet Ree and Jules out there a couple of times, they seemed like really good fun so it was annoying I felt too crap to really enjoy their company. • I am starting to really dislike the Spanish. Not all of them of course, I have not met all of them! Our neighbours on both sides of the apartment seemed incapable of talking to each other in anything less then a bellow. They were worse than the Germans for reserving sun beds. They dominated the pool and just didn’t give a sod if they spoiled the enjoyment of others especially if those others were not Spanish. They smoked regardless of regulations to the contrary. A