Steve from England

That's because I intended to write on Boxing day and technically it isn't any more. Watched Kinky Boots the other day and I was amazed, the movie was just excellent and made me proud to live in Northampton. Spoke seriously this evening about Matt's impending 10 minute movie and finally got somewhere. he's to ask Ian to play the lead and me as the second (oh brother). He may get Richard to do the piss off manager and his teacher and the wife. The kids are currently set to be Daisy and the munchkin. It may actually work though I may need to keep the vodka flowing to get somewhere with it. Robin seems a lot better which is brilliant ... still not eating a great deal but hopefully that will change given time and I think a week in the nut house has convinced him he isn't! I am feeling quite optimistic about 2007, it holds some prospects I am quite keen on, it may even be fun!

That's because I intended to write on Boxing day and technically it isn't any more. Watched Kinky Boots the other day and I was amazed, the movie was just excellent and made me proud to live in Northampton. Spoke seriously this evening about Matt's impending 10 minute movie and finally got somewhere. he's to ask Ian to play the lead and me as the second (oh brother). He may get Richard to do the piss off manager and his teacher and the wife. The kids are currently set to be Daisy and the munchkin. It may actually work though I may need to keep the vodka flowing to get somewhere with it. Robin seems a lot better which is brilliant ... still not eating a great deal but hopefully that will change given time and I think a week in the nut house has convinced him he isn't! I am feeling quite optimistic about 2007, it holds some prospects I am quite keen on, it may even be fun!

Twas the night before Christmas, well, afternoon really We're all for big hugs, we're all touchy feely Presents beneath our black Christmas tree they sit I hope they're all good but probably shit We've shopped 'til we've dropped, go Comets, go Dixons Homebase and Halfords, the lights we did fix 'em Flashing and Throbbing, watched Batman and Robin Ate some minced pies, some sausage and fries Roll on tomorrow, it's mad but we love it Cooking the dinner, the turkey we stuff it Open the prezzies we are so full of glee Something for you and much more for me So get thee to bed, be still, rest your head put down that book, your clothing do shed Dream pleasant dreams of Christmas's past Close your eyes now my love, it's Christmas at last

Twas the night before Christmas, well, afternoon really We're all for big hugs, we're all touchy feely Presents beneath our black Christmas tree they sit I hope they're all good but probably shit We've shopped 'til we've dropped, go Comets, go Dixons Homebase and Halfords, the lights we did fix 'em Flashing and Throbbing, watched Batman and Robin Ate some minced pies, some sausage and fries Roll on tomorrow, it's mad but we love it Cooking the dinner, the turkey we stuff it Open the prezzies we are so full of glee Something for you and much more for me So get thee to bed, be still, rest your head put down that book, your clothing do shed Dream pleasant dreams of Christmas's past Close your eyes now my love, it's Christmas at last

I won £10.50 on Euro-Millions the other day. Old wives tale now … I have itchy palms, what does that mean? According to my mate ‘Google’ the itching in my left palm means I am going to be given some money and, in the right palm, I am going to have money taken away … yeah, that so fits! Thinking positively though, my left palm is more itchy so maybe the net result could be me quids in? It took me a long while to calm down last night after getting in … after dropping Nick off I called home to let them know I was on my way, I was really missing them for some reason, probably because of the movie. John told me they were watching ‘Cars’ a DVD that I had asked to watch together as a family because it is so funny. That really upset me so I was in a right mood when I got in … then I found out that earlier they had watched ‘Ice Age II’ another movie I was looking forward to seeing as a family and everyone knew this on both counts and there were other movies they could have watched. Da

I won £10.50 on Euro-Millions the other day. Old wives tale now … I have itchy palms, what does that mean? According to my mate ‘Google’ the itching in my left palm means I am going to be given some money and, in the right palm, I am going to have money taken away … yeah, that so fits! Thinking positively though, my left palm is more itchy so maybe the net result could be me quids in? It took me a long while to calm down last night after getting in … after dropping Nick off I called home to let them know I was on my way, I was really missing them for some reason, probably because of the movie. John told me they were watching ‘Cars’ a DVD that I had asked to watch together as a family because it is so funny. That really upset me so I was in a right mood when I got in … then I found out that earlier they had watched ‘Ice Age II’ another movie I was looking forward to seeing as a family and everyone knew this on both counts and there were other movies they could have watched. Da

‘No man is a failure that has friends’ That’s the quote from the end of ‘It’s a wonderful life’, one of if not my favourite movie. But it’s sentimental crap. A man can have friends yet not be worth anything to himself and that’s where it matters, the need to feel valuable with in ourselves. It’s great I have friends but it doesn’t make the headache go away, it doesn’t make me feel valued as anything other than a crutch, a number, a support system and, in some cases, I feel like the sorry excuse to be taken care of, I am never really certain that I am valued as a person even if I never actually perform any useful purpose again. Probably that’s unfair, Ian & Richard are a couple I certainly cannot imagine could gain anything from me so I have to assume their friendship is genuine but, I am also aware that I am totally nothing like anyone they know from what I have seen and I don’t even shag away anymore so what do they see in me? Right from as long ago as I r

‘No man is a failure that has friends’ That’s the quote from the end of ‘It’s a wonderful life’, one of if not my favourite movie. But it’s sentimental crap. A man can have friends yet not be worth anything to himself and that’s where it matters, the need to feel valuable with in ourselves. It’s great I have friends but it doesn’t make the headache go away, it doesn’t make me feel valued as anything other than a crutch, a number, a support system and, in some cases, I feel like the sorry excuse to be taken care of, I am never really certain that I am valued as a person even if I never actually perform any useful purpose again. Probably that’s unfair, Ian & Richard are a couple I certainly cannot imagine could gain anything from me so I have to assume their friendship is genuine but, I am also aware that I am totally nothing like anyone they know from what I have seen and I don’t even shag away anymore so what do they see in me? Right from as long ago as I r

I was at Zoey’s school play earlier … as usual, too long with some suspect creations but OK for all that. The thing is, I got really upset at the start of it because I just kept thinking about Jermaine and it was terribly emotional. It felt like he had died and I was still upset at his passing and, in a way, I guess he has because he isn’t the boy I used to know anymore. What also upset me was that at this moment I realised that all my kids will one day be gone. It’s good of course, I mean, it has to happen but all the same, to dedicate all those years and then it is over just feels so empty.

I was at Zoey’s school play earlier … as usual, too long with some suspect creations but OK for all that. The thing is, I got really upset at the start of it because I just kept thinking about Jermaine and it was terribly emotional. It felt like he had died and I was still upset at his passing and, in a way, I guess he has because he isn’t the boy I used to know anymore. What also upset me was that at this moment I realised that all my kids will one day be gone. It’s good of course, I mean, it has to happen but all the same, to dedicate all those years and then it is over just feels so empty.

There is this programme on the TV about parents with disabled kids, how they cope, what they do, whether they terminate the pregnancy etc. The termination was never an option with Jermaine and Zoey as there was no test available for what they had. That aside, this morning was the first time I had ever considered that as an option. I am not normally a one for saying ‘what if?’ but sometimes it is called for, time to evaluate decisions. Quite possibly I am not selfish often enough, I look at the right or, more commonly, logical thing to do and rarely just what my heart tells me to do. If there had been a test for the kids all those years ago I know I would have decided to keep them but for the wrong reasons. It wouldn’t have been because they had a right to live or that I was particularly skilled to cope with a person who has a disability. No, it would have been because they are mine and no one was going to take something away from me. In my mind somewhere I know was the t

There is this programme on the TV about parents with disabled kids, how they cope, what they do, whether they terminate the pregnancy etc. The termination was never an option with Jermaine and Zoey as there was no test available for what they had. That aside, this morning was the first time I had ever considered that as an option. I am not normally a one for saying ‘what if?’ but sometimes it is called for, time to evaluate decisions. Quite possibly I am not selfish often enough, I look at the right or, more commonly, logical thing to do and rarely just what my heart tells me to do. If there had been a test for the kids all those years ago I know I would have decided to keep them but for the wrong reasons. It wouldn’t have been because they had a right to live or that I was particularly skilled to cope with a person who has a disability. No, it would have been because they are mine and no one was going to take something away from me. In my mind somewhere I know was the t

It seems that my current spate of shit is still being thrust against me … my windscreen was blown apart earlier on the way home from Ian & Richard’s by a low flying pheasant. My RAC cover had expired but they’d not bothered sending out a reminder so how I was I meant to know? This meant I had to drive looking through this shattered screen for 24 miles hoping it didn’t collapse in on me. On getting home I had to buy myself a recovery package to make sure I don’t get caught out again which is £60 and I still need to find the excess for the screen replacement. I was so pleased with myself for someone actually showing gratitude with cash for some favour I did, it seemed like I was getting a little reward and it was sweet. But, that and more is gone now, what is given with hand is taken away with interest from the other. Because of my recent bought of terrible luck I am now reluctant to go anywhere in the car, it just costs me more and more. I still have to find the money

It seems that my current spate of shit is still being thrust against me … my windscreen was blown apart earlier on the way home from Ian & Richard’s by a low flying pheasant. My RAC cover had expired but they’d not bothered sending out a reminder so how I was I meant to know? This meant I had to drive looking through this shattered screen for 24 miles hoping it didn’t collapse in on me. On getting home I had to buy myself a recovery package to make sure I don’t get caught out again which is £60 and I still need to find the excess for the screen replacement. I was so pleased with myself for someone actually showing gratitude with cash for some favour I did, it seemed like I was getting a little reward and it was sweet. But, that and more is gone now, what is given with hand is taken away with interest from the other. Because of my recent bought of terrible luck I am now reluctant to go anywhere in the car, it just costs me more and more. I still have to find the money