Steve from England

The past couple of weeks have flown by, I mean, it was barely the other day when it was tomorrow and even that was yesterday a few days ago. Apart from a few little bits that I shall complete tomorrow and that the main item of furniture doesn’t arrive until May 16, the ‘J’ lounge is finished and it does look quite amazing if I say so myself. The deal I got on the TV was good, paid £55 for a 24” wide screen and it works really well. I had to go to Birmingham for it but that was OK seeing as I also needed to get some bits from IKEA … enjoyed that with some cute guys eyeing me up. Hope you enjoyed the second part of my ‘short’ story ‘Be Careful What You Ask For’? I am not sure it flowed as much as the first chapter but then, that is because this one was just building up to something else. I am also not sure about the switch of perspective from Dave to Steve. There is a reason why I chose the name ‘Dave’ and that is because quite often when I tell my name to people they somehow hear it as

The past couple of weeks have flown by, I mean, it was barely the other day when it was tomorrow and even that was yesterday a few days ago. Apart from a few little bits that I shall complete tomorrow and that the main item of furniture doesn’t arrive until May 16, the ‘J’ lounge is finished and it does look quite amazing if I say so myself. The deal I got on the TV was good, paid £55 for a 24” wide screen and it works really well. I had to go to Birmingham for it but that was OK seeing as I also needed to get some bits from IKEA … enjoyed that with some cute guys eyeing me up. Hope you enjoyed the second part of my ‘short’ story ‘Be Careful What You Ask For’? I am not sure it flowed as much as the first chapter but then, that is because this one was just building up to something else. I am also not sure about the switch of perspective from Dave to Steve. There is a reason why I chose the name ‘Dave’ and that is because quite often when I tell my name to people they somehow hear it as

Chapter 2 I can’t believe my luck. There laying beside me is some kind of God, a dream guy and he wants me, at least, he says he does but how can he? We only just met yesterday, he could be some weirdo for all I know. But look at him, he looks shattered but so peaceful. Is he going to wake up and realise it has all been some terrible mistake, what do ‘I’ look like? Hell, I was lucky yesterday, I’d only just had my hair done and I’ve lost some weight recently but what if he had turned up a few weeks ago when I was fat and had long messy hair, hadn’t shaved … crikey this could have been different. Dave turned to me and opened his eyes … “ Steve , is that you? I had this really bad dream that this was somehow unreal, that none of what happened was how it was” “Sorry Dave, I don’t get you, what do you mean, none of what happened? What happened?” “Oh, ignore me, come here and hug me, today is going to be the start of something special, we are never going to be alone agai

Chapter 2 I can’t believe my luck. There laying beside me is some kind of God, a dream guy and he wants me, at least, he says he does but how can he? We only just met yesterday, he could be some weirdo for all I know. But look at him, he looks shattered but so peaceful. Is he going to wake up and realise it has all been some terrible mistake, what do ‘I’ look like? Hell, I was lucky yesterday, I’d only just had my hair done and I’ve lost some weight recently but what if he had turned up a few weeks ago when I was fat and had long messy hair, hadn’t shaved … crikey this could have been different. Dave turned to me and opened his eyes … “ Steve , is that you? I had this really bad dream that this was somehow unreal, that none of what happened was how it was” “Sorry Dave, I don’t get you, what do you mean, none of what happened? What happened?” “Oh, ignore me, come here and hug me, today is going to be the start of something special, we are never going to be alone agai

In one of my many dreams it became apparent to me what is causing my current depressive state … if I could only have these dreams whilst awake I’d find life so much easier! It turns out that I am actually very happy with what I have. I look around all the things I have in my life and it is good. I have great kids, I am proud of them and I know I had no small part to play in that. As some have told me, I have been some kind of hero to manage like I have, hold it all together and my kids are a testimony to my work. Over the years I have had some amazing holidays, met some amazing people and I have some incredible friends. Look at this house, a 5 bedroom place with a huge garden. A great TV, loads of TV channels, audio equipment, PC’s all over the place on a wireless fast broadband connection. My bedroom is just so comfy, everything in there I like. Cars, I have a history of having some really cool cars. I have this talking piece of a gadget in my PDA, what an amazing bit of kit that is.

In one of my many dreams it became apparent to me what is causing my current depressive state … if I could only have these dreams whilst awake I’d find life so much easier! It turns out that I am actually very happy with what I have. I look around all the things I have in my life and it is good. I have great kids, I am proud of them and I know I had no small part to play in that. As some have told me, I have been some kind of hero to manage like I have, hold it all together and my kids are a testimony to my work. Over the years I have had some amazing holidays, met some amazing people and I have some incredible friends. Look at this house, a 5 bedroom place with a huge garden. A great TV, loads of TV channels, audio equipment, PC’s all over the place on a wireless fast broadband connection. My bedroom is just so comfy, everything in there I like. Cars, I have a history of having some really cool cars. I have this talking piece of a gadget in my PDA, what an amazing bit of kit that is.

... Taking a chance on ... OK, not love but the police getting it right this time. The officer earlier asked how we wanted to play it. Did we want him to go arrest the guy that broke down our fence or did we want to drop it altogether? Me and the kids spoke about it for a while and decided the best thing to do was to have the officer go pay the guy a visit and tell him bluntly that he (the officer) wanted to arrest him but that we had asked him not to in the hope that he'd (the guy that did the fence in) understand we didn't want to make things worse and maybe he could just show some respect in the future? Thing is, we are talking about chavs here and they don't have logical brains. My guess is that the chav will tell his chavvy mates and then we'll get even more grief, such is life. Simply doing the right thing these days seems not to be an option. Daisy is seeing her mum right now. She cancelled, that is, Daisy cancelled her allowed visit with mum for next week but na

... Taking a chance on ... OK, not love but the police getting it right this time. The officer earlier asked how we wanted to play it. Did we want him to go arrest the guy that broke down our fence or did we want to drop it altogether? Me and the kids spoke about it for a while and decided the best thing to do was to have the officer go pay the guy a visit and tell him bluntly that he (the officer) wanted to arrest him but that we had asked him not to in the hope that he'd (the guy that did the fence in) understand we didn't want to make things worse and maybe he could just show some respect in the future? Thing is, we are talking about chavs here and they don't have logical brains. My guess is that the chav will tell his chavvy mates and then we'll get even more grief, such is life. Simply doing the right thing these days seems not to be an option. Daisy is seeing her mum right now. She cancelled, that is, Daisy cancelled her allowed visit with mum for next week but na

Visted a care home in Kettering earlier for the second time. My previous visit didn't show it in a good light and the timing was all wrong. It worked out OK today and I have decided to get things moving to have Jermaine transferred there ASAP. I was also able to get some things clarified with the PCT to get them to understand there needs to be more clarity over the financing arrangements so that I can manage Jermaine's money better, they agreed to do this more in the future. I made an appointment earlier to get 'power of attorney' over Jermaine, this should ensure no one can cut me out of the loop with regard to his care and that I can also easily act on his behalf. In other words, restoring my status as his dad and I really feel quite good about that to know I can still play an active role in his future. Hopefully gave Nick some last minute advice with regard to his move and financing it. I suspect it'll be put off but hopefully he'll realise before it is too l

Visted a care home in Kettering earlier for the second time. My previous visit didn't show it in a good light and the timing was all wrong. It worked out OK today and I have decided to get things moving to have Jermaine transferred there ASAP. I was also able to get some things clarified with the PCT to get them to understand there needs to be more clarity over the financing arrangements so that I can manage Jermaine's money better, they agreed to do this more in the future. I made an appointment earlier to get 'power of attorney' over Jermaine, this should ensure no one can cut me out of the loop with regard to his care and that I can also easily act on his behalf. In other words, restoring my status as his dad and I really feel quite good about that to know I can still play an active role in his future. Hopefully gave Nick some last minute advice with regard to his move and financing it. I suspect it'll be put off but hopefully he'll realise before it is too l

I amended the title of this blog so that everyone hopefully understands what it is here for. Right now I am very, very knackered

I amended the title of this blog so that everyone hopefully understands what it is here for. Right now I am very, very knackered

))<>(( I certainly seem to be in that mood where I just want to do stuff, get it sorted so much is moving around just now. Matt completed his bedroom, the ‘J’ lounge will be done this week with carpets for both on Monday. Sadly, the furniture to make the ‘J’ lounge useful is unlikely to arrive before I go to Gran Canaria. The garden got attacked a few days ago and a very large and not attractive bush was chopped down to the basics. There is no way it can be removed totally without a digger so there the base will have to stay but it has cleared a huge area. That may seem good but I had no idea to do with the garden before and now that I have a lot more of it, the choice is no easier. I have decided what I am having done to my hair but I am keeping that as my secret for now. Have been talking a lot to Simon recently but no matter how I look at it, the chances of us getting back together again are remote. I admire him for what he is doing but, of course, it doesn’t co

))<>(( I certainly seem to be in that mood where I just want to do stuff, get it sorted so much is moving around just now. Matt completed his bedroom, the ‘J’ lounge will be done this week with carpets for both on Monday. Sadly, the furniture to make the ‘J’ lounge useful is unlikely to arrive before I go to Gran Canaria. The garden got attacked a few days ago and a very large and not attractive bush was chopped down to the basics. There is no way it can be removed totally without a digger so there the base will have to stay but it has cleared a huge area. That may seem good but I had no idea to do with the garden before and now that I have a lot more of it, the choice is no easier. I have decided what I am having done to my hair but I am keeping that as my secret for now. Have been talking a lot to Simon recently but no matter how I look at it, the chances of us getting back together again are remote. I admire him for what he is doing but, of course, it doesn’t co

Earlier on the local kids for the umpteenth time asked us to go get their ball from the garden. At around 6:15 I suggested that this be the last time today and they find somewhere else to play for now to make sure the ball doesn’t come over. At 6:30, whilst we were eating dinner, more balls came over and, sure enough, banging on the door and the door bell sounding. I’d just finished my dinner so went to the door and explained to the kid that I had already suggested they play elsewhere and that they would now have to wait until tomorrow for their balls. . Within moments of that there was some banging coming from behind the house. I couldn’t see anything from upstairs so went out in the garden and was confronted by a kid climbing through our now demolished fence. He stared at me for a moment then ran off. I ran through the house to confront him but he had since gone. Kids standing at the house behind ours claimed not to know who he was yet they were all there at the time with his, playin

Earlier on the local kids for the umpteenth time asked us to go get their ball from the garden. At around 6:15 I suggested that this be the last time today and they find somewhere else to play for now to make sure the ball doesn’t come over. At 6:30, whilst we were eating dinner, more balls came over and, sure enough, banging on the door and the door bell sounding. I’d just finished my dinner so went to the door and explained to the kid that I had already suggested they play elsewhere and that they would now have to wait until tomorrow for their balls. . Within moments of that there was some banging coming from behind the house. I couldn’t see anything from upstairs so went out in the garden and was confronted by a kid climbing through our now demolished fence. He stared at me for a moment then ran off. I ran through the house to confront him but he had since gone. Kids standing at the house behind ours claimed not to know who he was yet they were all there at the time with his, playin

I had a visitor this evening. He is a lovely guy, friendly, polite (sometimes) and probably a heart of gold but few social skills. Now, I don't mind folk visiting, it's nice to be wanted but sometimes this person doesn't get those little signs that we send out as subtle hints, that time of the evening has arrived, time to go. So, I normally, with this person, have to refrain from subtlety and directly say it is time to go. It worked to this evening except by a stroke of bad timing or wickedness, I don't know which, Matt decided to come down the stairs and at that point make a drink for himself and offer one to this person despite me having already told him he is leaving right now ... Anyway, with cup of tea in hand this person looks at my PDA sitting in its cradle in my office, part of my private space and notices a picture of myself, Tony and Ian and said: "what a lovely picture, of course, the question now is, which one of you dies next?" It is at this point

I had a visitor this evening. He is a lovely guy, friendly, polite (sometimes) and probably a heart of gold but few social skills. Now, I don't mind folk visiting, it's nice to be wanted but sometimes this person doesn't get those little signs that we send out as subtle hints, that time of the evening has arrived, time to go. So, I normally, with this person, have to refrain from subtlety and directly say it is time to go. It worked to this evening except by a stroke of bad timing or wickedness, I don't know which, Matt decided to come down the stairs and at that point make a drink for himself and offer one to this person despite me having already told him he is leaving right now ... Anyway, with cup of tea in hand this person looks at my PDA sitting in its cradle in my office, part of my private space and notices a picture of myself, Tony and Ian and said: "what a lovely picture, of course, the question now is, which one of you dies next?" It is at this point

Just recently my pain levels have been increasing in leaps to the point where my sleep is affected again. There have been a few stupid moments of shooting pain where I have bent to rub then realised how futile that is. This leads me nicely on to decorating and my inability to do it. Started the other day on what is now known as the ‘J’ lounge. The wallpaper needed stripping from one wall and a dado rail removed and repositioned elsewhere. Well, the latter was fine, I am quite good at the making of things but the wallpaper, oh boy! I didn’t realise just how many layers there were of paint and paper and one thing led to another so that before I knew where I was I was down to bare plaster. The result was that it was such a mess it had to be replastered which was something else I had to learn with better results than my stripping … I will never make a stripper! It all needs sanding down again now which I did partially earlier to test the results but annoyingly have caused real problems for

Just recently my pain levels have been increasing in leaps to the point where my sleep is affected again. There have been a few stupid moments of shooting pain where I have bent to rub then realised how futile that is. This leads me nicely on to decorating and my inability to do it. Started the other day on what is now known as the ‘J’ lounge. The wallpaper needed stripping from one wall and a dado rail removed and repositioned elsewhere. Well, the latter was fine, I am quite good at the making of things but the wallpaper, oh boy! I didn’t realise just how many layers there were of paint and paper and one thing led to another so that before I knew where I was I was down to bare plaster. The result was that it was such a mess it had to be replastered which was something else I had to learn with better results than my stripping … I will never make a stripper! It all needs sanding down again now which I did partially earlier to test the results but annoyingly have caused real problems for

As promised I am showing you what this red rubber looks like

As promised I am showing you what this red rubber looks like

When we decided to get divorced I said I wanted the kids living with me and she said she’d go to court as they’d never let them stay with a poof. I mentioned the time she slapped our eldest onto the at risk register and her promiscuity coupled with her general inability to parent and she agreed without further argument that they stayed with me. The whole process took around 7 minutes, there were no raised voices. Since she met her now husband three or so years ago she has seen the kids less and less. The legal situation is that we have shared care, it should be 50/50 and she is liable for 50% of their costs … yeah right! When she announced that she didn’t want anything to do with the eldest lad (mentally handicapped and got to 18 Jan 2005) I stopped driving the girls over to her as there was no longer any gain to me seeing as I still had to care for my lad. This was when she started to see them less because it meant putting some effort into it. However, it was once a week and occasiona

When we decided to get divorced I said I wanted the kids living with me and she said she’d go to court as they’d never let them stay with a poof. I mentioned the time she slapped our eldest onto the at risk register and her promiscuity coupled with her general inability to parent and she agreed without further argument that they stayed with me. The whole process took around 7 minutes, there were no raised voices. Since she met her now husband three or so years ago she has seen the kids less and less. The legal situation is that we have shared care, it should be 50/50 and she is liable for 50% of their costs … yeah right! When she announced that she didn’t want anything to do with the eldest lad (mentally handicapped and got to 18 Jan 2005) I stopped driving the girls over to her as there was no longer any gain to me seeing as I still had to care for my lad. This was when she started to see them less because it meant putting some effort into it. However, it was once a week and occasiona

Borrowed some rubber from Ian & Richard, hope Martyn likes it as I am going to need some help getting into it and, more important, out again! (maybe pictures to follow) Matt sent me a text on the way home. Earlier he has asked if one of his guy friends could stay over and I got quite excited, it was to be the first time he got anyone here, I am totally convinced he is ashamed of showing me off to any of his male friends. The girls are OK as clearly I am no threat but somehow I feel he this is not the case with the guys. Anyway, I got another text to say that he will probably stay at this friend’s house instead. It shouldn’t feel like rejection but it so does. The house was a complete tip when I got home, nothing had been done since I left yesterday, I couldn’t even get anyone to make me a tea, they all have their own stuff to do, I don’t figure in it. Visited Jermaine on the way home from Twickenham and all I could do was feel I should bring him home with me. He looked so sad and p

Borrowed some rubber from Ian & Richard, hope Martyn likes it as I am going to need some help getting into it and, more important, out again! (maybe pictures to follow) Matt sent me a text on the way home. Earlier he has asked if one of his guy friends could stay over and I got quite excited, it was to be the first time he got anyone here, I am totally convinced he is ashamed of showing me off to any of his male friends. The girls are OK as clearly I am no threat but somehow I feel he this is not the case with the guys. Anyway, I got another text to say that he will probably stay at this friend’s house instead. It shouldn’t feel like rejection but it so does. The house was a complete tip when I got home, nothing had been done since I left yesterday, I couldn’t even get anyone to make me a tea, they all have their own stuff to do, I don’t figure in it. Visited Jermaine on the way home from Twickenham and all I could do was feel I should bring him home with me. He looked so sad and p

The level of debt I am currently in is scary. I hate debt and yet I seem to have so much of it and one crap decision from a faceless bureaucrat could bring it all tumbling down on me. Thankfully, more than two thirds of it is money owed to me so I don’t have to find it myself, that is £1900+. Of course, that may be owed to me but those that owe it will need time to repay it and in the meantime, for the first time in ages, I am going to have to pick up some hefty interest charges on my credit card bill. One of the most upsetting aspects is that all my reserve money has gone. If someone I know needs anything I don’t have it to give anymore. My weight has remained constant but my belly seems to have grown again so I guess I need to work more on the abs, very annoying is that and, to be honest, I have never had a great body, it always looks like a cut and shunt job to me whereby the legs and the rest of me don’t match and the join is crap too with my arse and legs further back than my top

The level of debt I am currently in is scary. I hate debt and yet I seem to have so much of it and one crap decision from a faceless bureaucrat could bring it all tumbling down on me. Thankfully, more than two thirds of it is money owed to me so I don’t have to find it myself, that is £1900+. Of course, that may be owed to me but those that owe it will need time to repay it and in the meantime, for the first time in ages, I am going to have to pick up some hefty interest charges on my credit card bill. One of the most upsetting aspects is that all my reserve money has gone. If someone I know needs anything I don’t have it to give anymore. My weight has remained constant but my belly seems to have grown again so I guess I need to work more on the abs, very annoying is that and, to be honest, I have never had a great body, it always looks like a cut and shunt job to me whereby the legs and the rest of me don’t match and the join is crap too with my arse and legs further back than my top

Retail therapy is all well and good but a guy comes down with a bump when the bills have to be entered into the accounts. The new car is going well though the £60+ first fill up was a bit of a shock! Apart from that it is forward backward and round corners though with more ease than the Neon. Visited IKEA in MK on Tuesday and found some things I quite liked which I may well buy for the ‘J’ lounge as we are calling it. Today we went to MK again to get Zoey some new clothes and I bought myself a jacket, some pink boxers and jeans. I believe Daisy got a jacket out of it but we rather annoyingly left the hat she bought on the counter in H&M. Once back in Northampton we went to Homebase where Matt bought some paint and other things for his room and I bought some paint for the ‘J’ Lounge. I opted for green. This is not normally one of my colours but for some reason I thought it would appeal to me … here’s hoping! Tomorrow we have a van rented and Matt and me are going to be taking it ove

Retail therapy is all well and good but a guy comes down with a bump when the bills have to be entered into the accounts. The new car is going well though the £60+ first fill up was a bit of a shock! Apart from that it is forward backward and round corners though with more ease than the Neon. Visited IKEA in MK on Tuesday and found some things I quite liked which I may well buy for the ‘J’ lounge as we are calling it. Today we went to MK again to get Zoey some new clothes and I bought myself a jacket, some pink boxers and jeans. I believe Daisy got a jacket out of it but we rather annoyingly left the hat she bought on the counter in H&M. Once back in Northampton we went to Homebase where Matt bought some paint and other things for his room and I bought some paint for the ‘J’ Lounge. I opted for green. This is not normally one of my colours but for some reason I thought it would appeal to me … here’s hoping! Tomorrow we have a van rented and Matt and me are going to be taking it ove

I have done a terrible thing which should be avoided, I have checked the web to see if I can find out what may be wrong with my throat as I am getting concerned that my breathing is getting increasingly difficult. What I discovered is something called recurrent respiratory papillomatosis (RRP) which is effectively a growth on or around the vocal chords that may have been caused by a HPV (HUMAN PAPILLOMA VIRUS). There is speculation that it may be created by oral sex with someone that has genital warts and those with low immune symptoms are most likely to be affected. This is not proven, on the contrary, it is seen as unlikely but cannot be ruled out. Any and all airway problems require immediate attention. RRP is a potentially life-threatening disease because it can result in complete respiratory obstruction. Medications containing steroids, which tend to compromise immune function and may allow more aggressive growth of the papilloma HPV probably affects only 5% and of those, only 0.0

I have done a terrible thing which should be avoided, I have checked the web to see if I can find out what may be wrong with my throat as I am getting concerned that my breathing is getting increasingly difficult. What I discovered is something called recurrent respiratory papillomatosis (RRP) which is effectively a growth on or around the vocal chords that may have been caused by a HPV (HUMAN PAPILLOMA VIRUS). There is speculation that it may be created by oral sex with someone that has genital warts and those with low immune symptoms are most likely to be affected. This is not proven, on the contrary, it is seen as unlikely but cannot be ruled out. Any and all airway problems require immediate attention. RRP is a potentially life-threatening disease because it can result in complete respiratory obstruction. Medications containing steroids, which tend to compromise immune function and may allow more aggressive growth of the papilloma HPV probably affects only 5% and of those, only 0.0