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Zoey Update 22 September 2015

I am told Zoey is showing signs of improvement. She is eating more, she is … well, I am not entirely sure what else precisely it is she is doing above and beyond that.

She is barely drinking and her blood pressure is constantly low. She is in effectively a nappy (diaper) now because she’s decided she doesn’t much want to use the toilet any longer. She is still screaming at people and being violent when it suits her.

Most of this I know from what I am told.

Just about every time I am there I get virtually nothing and, why do I get virtually nothing? Because of ‘Susan’. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a nurse and probably a really good one. She’s been doing her job for many years and, so I am told, does manage to get Zoey to do things. The thing is, whenever I am visiting I don’t get to spend any time with Zoey without this woman being involved like she’s family. Every time I try and talk to Zoey she’s listening and comments when she feels the need. I am using my years of experience with my daughter to encourage her to interact with me and this damn woman is suggesting I perhaps get her to drink something! I spent 40+ minutes with Zoey earlier with her facing the wall away from me laying down in bed. I just started to get her smiling then she turned to face to me as though she was about to say something and in comes Susan, sits herself on the chair next to me and says excuse her coming in but she really wanted to hear Zoey speak just to hear what she sounds like! Zoey immediately turned to face the wall again, moment lost. Each time I’ve visited recently she’s been there and it’s driving me nuts. I don’t want anyone there feeling bad because I’d worry then that Zoey wasn’t getting their best attention but, at the same time, it’s making me feel all the more like utter crap!

Just lately it feels like I am unable to help anyone. I also feel stupidly alone. You know, I want someone, not because I’ve asked but because they thought about it, to ask me out for a coffee. But, that’s not happening.

There are issues going on in my life here, serious long term issues I need to work out which affect the direction the rest of my life goes in. If Zoey doesn’t come home and soon, I have a serious problem. My main focus is that Zoey gets better, I love her to bits, she’s my daughter but, I’d be totally mad to ignore the consequences of the timing right now on me. If she doesn’t come home then, my next couple of years have the potential to be the most difficult and challenging of my life with no guarantee of success.

If only the Philippines had recognition for same sex relationships, grrr.

So, one aspect of my life is the best ever, the other is absolute mess up.

Clearly everyone wants me to answer that Zoey is doing great we’re all optimistic and life is good. Sorry to disappoint you. Right now I feel like I am losing my second child to something horrible and I can do nothing about it.

Keep praying people x

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