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Happy Christmas Dear Reader

.. and what a bunch of readers you are too.

I hardly ate anything Christmas Eve, just not very hungry and now I am having trouble sleeping. It would be really good to say that this is because I can't wait to see what Santa has brought me but, well, he's giving me a miss this year.

No, my inability to sleep is two fold. A tummy that is not feeling very clever, loads of smelly farts (strange how we have to do a little smile even just reading the word 'fart') The other reason is sudden depression brought upon by the issue with Matt and the word 'gay' earlier. It may have been brought on by that but that was the last straw I think. So much uncertainty in my life right now is screwing me up. I am also very aware that this is the first Christmas when I am alone, not part of a pair and that is difficult. I am used to having someone, a crutch, someone that is there for me 24/7 if need be and is trying as hard as I am to achieve a happy relationship. Oh well, like I said, Santa isn't coming this year ... of course, that may just be the farting!

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