Steve from England

Got a call from my man at the garage earlier ... the car should be ready next week AND it looks like it will be coming in under budget (this last one I shall believe when I get the bill) I have listed the C5 on Ebay again, I really cannot afford to not sell it and don't want to take the risk of placing all the repair costs on a credit card I then can't afford to repay, I don't need large interest payments on top of everything else. We are going to Northampton Museum today Other things remain the same: I am still overweight and can't afford to go to the gym The weather is rubbish Martyn's mum is still not well and I liked his mum when I met her Zoey is still in the shower We are still broke I still love John I still despair with Matt I am still going to be 44 next Monday

Got a call from my man at the garage earlier ... the car should be ready next week AND it looks like it will be coming in under budget (this last one I shall believe when I get the bill) I have listed the C5 on Ebay again, I really cannot afford to not sell it and don't want to take the risk of placing all the repair costs on a credit card I then can't afford to repay, I don't need large interest payments on top of everything else. We are going to Northampton Museum today Other things remain the same: I am still overweight and can't afford to go to the gym The weather is rubbish Martyn's mum is still not well and I liked his mum when I met her Zoey is still in the shower We are still broke I still love John I still despair with Matt I am still going to be 44 next Monday

The good news is that it could possibly be Jermaine will be moved into his lovely new flat within 6 weeks. Matt is another story. His apology earlier was rather pathetic. He's still not really said sorry to either Daisy or Deej and, indeed, seems to think saying sorry to anyone is more important than being with his mates. He has a set of rules now, in writing and he's been told that if he deviates from it just once he best have somewhere else to live. We shall see. I don't hold out much hope but there is still a little inside of me, I need to believe there is good in him ... for now. Car - still not sold Looked at Nick's new place the other day. It's small but not so much as I feared it may be and could be made to look real nice with a little effort and thought. I know how I'd do it but it's up to Nick how he does it and I am looking forward to seeing the end result. Loads of work still to do at Robin's of course but at least he is up and running again o...

The good news is that it could possibly be Jermaine will be moved into his lovely new flat within 6 weeks. Matt is another story. His apology earlier was rather pathetic. He's still not really said sorry to either Daisy or Deej and, indeed, seems to think saying sorry to anyone is more important than being with his mates. He has a set of rules now, in writing and he's been told that if he deviates from it just once he best have somewhere else to live. We shall see. I don't hold out much hope but there is still a little inside of me, I need to believe there is good in him ... for now. Car - still not sold Looked at Nick's new place the other day. It's small but not so much as I feared it may be and could be made to look real nice with a little effort and thought. I know how I'd do it but it's up to Nick how he does it and I am looking forward to seeing the end result. Loads of work still to do at Robin's of course but at least he is up and running again o...

I thought how much my blog looked like all the other blogs out there and what with me having a MySpace thingy now, it was time for a change. The address for that is this by the way. Hope you like it and it is not too difficult to read. I took this picture of myself last January in Gran Canaria and you don't often see me wearing a jumper in GC!

I thought how much my blog looked like all the other blogs out there and what with me having a MySpace thingy now, it was time for a change. The address for that is this by the way. Hope you like it and it is not too difficult to read. I took this picture of myself last January in Gran Canaria and you don't often see me wearing a jumper in GC!

It's darned well half term again, do these school never stay open more than a few days? The car has still not sold, not even a glimmer of interest and I am in a frame of mind whereby I am just enjoying this next month as after that my life is about to become hell as I am going to have to start spending money I don't have, paying mega amounts of interest and generally going through financial hell. I have never before known a car so difficult to sell as this Citroen is being. It's be understandable if there was something wrong with it but there isn't, it's as sweet as can be and will make someone a lovely motor but it seems destined to remain a millstone around my neck and I could end up losing loads if it doesn't go soon. The shite hit the fan with Matt today. Daisy told Kes about Matt and Zipsy and Kes told Kerry who then got to confirm the details. Kes managed to tell Kerry that it was me that told her ... actually, I suspect that Daisy didn't tell her eith...

It's darned well half term again, do these school never stay open more than a few days? The car has still not sold, not even a glimmer of interest and I am in a frame of mind whereby I am just enjoying this next month as after that my life is about to become hell as I am going to have to start spending money I don't have, paying mega amounts of interest and generally going through financial hell. I have never before known a car so difficult to sell as this Citroen is being. It's be understandable if there was something wrong with it but there isn't, it's as sweet as can be and will make someone a lovely motor but it seems destined to remain a millstone around my neck and I could end up losing loads if it doesn't go soon. The shite hit the fan with Matt today. Daisy told Kes about Matt and Zipsy and Kes told Kerry who then got to confirm the details. Kes managed to tell Kerry that it was me that told her ... actually, I suspect that Daisy didn't tell her eith...

We need shit but end up with weeds anyway. It could be fair to say I am going through a rough patch right now, one which has been getting worse and worse for a few months culminating in me thinking very seriously about going to sleep and not waking up and I mean 'really' thinking about that as an option in a logical and calculated way. Not that my conclusion was entirely against the idea, there were some considerable merits to the possibility. My rejection decision is because I feel I owe me one chance to get it right but, if I am honest, I feel I only have enough energy left for one more crack at it. My brain will not be able to handle another major issue in my life. The C5 is once again advertised at a price I feel it should get. If it doesn't then I am screwed. There is no point holding on to the idea of keeping the Sebring and I will just have to sell that as soon as it's repaired. If that's what I have to do I shall also sell the C5 at the same time for what ev...

We need shit but end up with weeds anyway. It could be fair to say I am going through a rough patch right now, one which has been getting worse and worse for a few months culminating in me thinking very seriously about going to sleep and not waking up and I mean 'really' thinking about that as an option in a logical and calculated way. Not that my conclusion was entirely against the idea, there were some considerable merits to the possibility. My rejection decision is because I feel I owe me one chance to get it right but, if I am honest, I feel I only have enough energy left for one more crack at it. My brain will not be able to handle another major issue in my life. The C5 is once again advertised at a price I feel it should get. If it doesn't then I am screwed. There is no point holding on to the idea of keeping the Sebring and I will just have to sell that as soon as it's repaired. If that's what I have to do I shall also sell the C5 at the same time for what ev...

It's lovely this morning ... the clouds are starting to roll in but it was great to wake this morning with the sun through the curtains and the feeling of heat. Whilst I know the BBC are crap at forecasts it is nice to just hold on to the thought that this week may be a getting better type of week with some real prospects of shorts and t-shirts required. Today does not feel like a Sunday ... actually, it does but somehow tomorrow doesn't feel right being Monday. I am really missing Jermaine and feeling terribly guilty for not visiting more often, I really don't have any excuses. OK, yes, I have excuses. It is a crap drive, it gets me knackered, I can't afford the fuel, the country lanes are so small it risks damaging the car each time and the staff there piss me off occasionally. My reason is that it is easier not to. Somehow I console myself telling me that he doesn't miss us, barely remembers who we are etc. Would I be the same with any of the other kids? Well, ye...

It's lovely this morning ... the clouds are starting to roll in but it was great to wake this morning with the sun through the curtains and the feeling of heat. Whilst I know the BBC are crap at forecasts it is nice to just hold on to the thought that this week may be a getting better type of week with some real prospects of shorts and t-shirts required. Today does not feel like a Sunday ... actually, it does but somehow tomorrow doesn't feel right being Monday. I am really missing Jermaine and feeling terribly guilty for not visiting more often, I really don't have any excuses. OK, yes, I have excuses. It is a crap drive, it gets me knackered, I can't afford the fuel, the country lanes are so small it risks damaging the car each time and the staff there piss me off occasionally. My reason is that it is easier not to. Somehow I console myself telling me that he doesn't miss us, barely remembers who we are etc. Would I be the same with any of the other kids? Well, ye...

The car did not sell. The highest bidder was around £3500 but that's not enough. One other guy who had been watching sent an email and he's looking at a figure of around £3400. I am just not selling it that low, it's the price for the car in terrible condition and I know I'd be selling myself short and resent it. When everyone who gets into the car loves it there has to be something good about it. There is something else in the pipeline, I am not sure if it will come off or not but it would be really cool if it did. What I have decided to do for now is to just not think about selling it again for at least another week, try and enjoy driving again and fill up the tank! Someone made me really happy earlier just by thinking about me, someone who is thinking about me just because he wanted to and it makes life worthwhile when that happens. I know others care too, Robin, Nick David, etc but occasionally a message of 'I thought of you today' from just about anyone is ...

The car did not sell. The highest bidder was around £3500 but that's not enough. One other guy who had been watching sent an email and he's looking at a figure of around £3400. I am just not selling it that low, it's the price for the car in terrible condition and I know I'd be selling myself short and resent it. When everyone who gets into the car loves it there has to be something good about it. There is something else in the pipeline, I am not sure if it will come off or not but it would be really cool if it did. What I have decided to do for now is to just not think about selling it again for at least another week, try and enjoy driving again and fill up the tank! Someone made me really happy earlier just by thinking about me, someone who is thinking about me just because he wanted to and it makes life worthwhile when that happens. I know others care too, Robin, Nick David, etc but occasionally a message of 'I thought of you today' from just about anyone is ...

That's what is left on the car. The figure currently stands at £2350.00. No one has bid in many hours, only 5 people have bid at all since the listing appeared. There have been no messages since this morning and that was discounted as one wanting it for £2500.00. No one has looked at it In short, this car is not going to sell as far as I can see, we are back where we were the last Ebay listing, zilch. I can give it two weeks on Ebay but then I may just have to cut my losses, pay for the repair to the Sebring and sell it, I really cannot afford both and if I can't sell the C5 I have to sell the one that will sell. How does that make me feel? Like I don't matter, like in the great scheme of things I am meant to be a giver, not a receiver. I know giving is jolly commendable but ... well, enough said on that I shall update just after 10:30 when the auction ends

That's what is left on the car. The figure currently stands at £2350.00. No one has bid in many hours, only 5 people have bid at all since the listing appeared. There have been no messages since this morning and that was discounted as one wanting it for £2500.00. No one has looked at it In short, this car is not going to sell as far as I can see, we are back where we were the last Ebay listing, zilch. I can give it two weeks on Ebay but then I may just have to cut my losses, pay for the repair to the Sebring and sell it, I really cannot afford both and if I can't sell the C5 I have to sell the one that will sell. How does that make me feel? Like I don't matter, like in the great scheme of things I am meant to be a giver, not a receiver. I know giving is jolly commendable but ... well, enough said on that I shall update just after 10:30 when the auction ends

After the failure to sell on AutoTrader and the failure to sell first time around on Ebay it is once again on Ebay using a different tragedy. With just 14 hours left to go there is not one person who has said they will be viewing it. One person offered £2500 subject to seeing it (like it could possibly be so bad as to only be worth that!) Currently it stands at £1605.00 but that's a totally fake figure assisted by a friend who kindly agreed to keep the bidding going until the reserve was met. There have been no bids since 22:03 on 18th. That's 12 hours of stillness. I know I am being told not to worry, things will all happen in the last hour or so but having been in the last hour or so once before, experience is showing me that no movement at this stage means no bugger is really seriously interested in it. Sure, there are 26 watching but that's all they are.

After the failure to sell on AutoTrader and the failure to sell first time around on Ebay it is once again on Ebay using a different tragedy. With just 14 hours left to go there is not one person who has said they will be viewing it. One person offered £2500 subject to seeing it (like it could possibly be so bad as to only be worth that!) Currently it stands at £1605.00 but that's a totally fake figure assisted by a friend who kindly agreed to keep the bidding going until the reserve was met. There have been no bids since 22:03 on 18th. That's 12 hours of stillness. I know I am being told not to worry, things will all happen in the last hour or so but having been in the last hour or so once before, experience is showing me that no movement at this stage means no bugger is really seriously interested in it. Sure, there are 26 watching but that's all they are.

Yes, you guessed it, number 2 son is going to get back with the child girlfriend. Oh, they are not seeing each other right now, oh no, not actually going out because they said they weren't. They do however see each other when ever possible and Matt has used up half a month's phone credit on her already in just one week. OK, not strictly true, he's used it up on her and his other girl he's also not going out with 'Zippsy'. Whilst Matt and the child are not currently seeing each other this is to be resolved in July when they apparently are going to see each other again. Yes, like me, you are probably wondering 'what the fuck?' but I am sorry, I don't have the answers. I spoke to him earlier and these are his views: It would be wrong for his gay mate of 19 to date a guy of 14 even 10 months after they started dating if they were still together It would be wrong for a guy of 19 to be dating his 14 year old sister even 10 months after they started dating ...

Yes, you guessed it, number 2 son is going to get back with the child girlfriend. Oh, they are not seeing each other right now, oh no, not actually going out because they said they weren't. They do however see each other when ever possible and Matt has used up half a month's phone credit on her already in just one week. OK, not strictly true, he's used it up on her and his other girl he's also not going out with 'Zippsy'. Whilst Matt and the child are not currently seeing each other this is to be resolved in July when they apparently are going to see each other again. Yes, like me, you are probably wondering 'what the fuck?' but I am sorry, I don't have the answers. I spoke to him earlier and these are his views: It would be wrong for his gay mate of 19 to date a guy of 14 even 10 months after they started dating if they were still together It would be wrong for a guy of 19 to be dating his 14 year old sister even 10 months after they started dating ...

12 watching - 0 bids :-( Could the price be too high? Are they all waiting until the last moment to grab a bargain? Are they time wasters? Are they mates and interested parties just making the figures look good? Is this the wrong time to sell? 16 mins ... zilch 15 mins ... zilch 11 mins ... zilch, no change, nothing happening Am expecting some email in around 12 mins suggesting an off ebay sale of £3500 10 mins ... zilch 7 mins ... zilch 6 mins ... zilch What the fuck do I do, I need this money and going lower is going to cripple me financially ... even at this price I lose over £2500 in a year from what I paid. 1 min ... zilch :-( :-( I feel totally crap ... right now I am thinking sledge hammer, insurance claim. Right now I am hating all those tight fisted bastards that won't things given away. Right now I am really hating all those 12 that watched my misery

12 watching - 0 bids :-( Could the price be too high? Are they all waiting until the last moment to grab a bargain? Are they time wasters? Are they mates and interested parties just making the figures look good? Is this the wrong time to sell? 16 mins ... zilch 15 mins ... zilch 11 mins ... zilch, no change, nothing happening Am expecting some email in around 12 mins suggesting an off ebay sale of £3500 10 mins ... zilch 7 mins ... zilch 6 mins ... zilch What the fuck do I do, I need this money and going lower is going to cripple me financially ... even at this price I lose over £2500 in a year from what I paid. 1 min ... zilch :-( :-( I feel totally crap ... right now I am thinking sledge hammer, insurance claim. Right now I am hating all those tight fisted bastards that won't things given away. Right now I am really hating all those 12 that watched my misery

With 1 1/2 days left on the C5 being auctioned on Ebay I have 7 people watching it ... not one bid, not one contacting me to arrange a viewing. This is not looking good as simply watching means sod all in terms of hard cash and that's what I need right now. If not right now then certainly in the coming month. It is now less than 3 weeks until my birthday. At a time when I should be reaping the rewards of decades of parenting I am still knowing that my birthday, if it is notable at all, will be because of my partner or my friends, my family will no doubt fail to acknowledge it more than saying 'happy birthday' and that's that. My dad will most likely send a cheque which will get absorbed into the family budget because that's the way of things. Jermaine can't do anything just because he can't. Matt can't do anything because he has no money and he just won't. At least I have the day clear from meetings but that may not stop the phone ringing about somet...

With 1 1/2 days left on the C5 being auctioned on Ebay I have 7 people watching it ... not one bid, not one contacting me to arrange a viewing. This is not looking good as simply watching means sod all in terms of hard cash and that's what I need right now. If not right now then certainly in the coming month. It is now less than 3 weeks until my birthday. At a time when I should be reaping the rewards of decades of parenting I am still knowing that my birthday, if it is notable at all, will be because of my partner or my friends, my family will no doubt fail to acknowledge it more than saying 'happy birthday' and that's that. My dad will most likely send a cheque which will get absorbed into the family budget because that's the way of things. Jermaine can't do anything just because he can't. Matt can't do anything because he has no money and he just won't. At least I have the day clear from meetings but that may not stop the phone ringing about somet...

After way over a decade of not watching (except for a brief moment in 2000 which doesn't count cos it was on in the pub) I am going to sit down tonight with friends and watch Eurovision 2007. I promise not to get angry about the political voting or to laugh at the crapness of the acts, I shall be good and use this as a healthy distraction from the real world! Matt has again decided not to date Kerry. He says he'd quite like for a while not to be dating anyone ... I give it two weeks. The car now has 5 people watching ... please can they all start bidding now so I can at least feel there is a chance of selling the car. What worries me is that were it me I'd be asking to look at the car myself rather than thinking on paying over £4000 for a car I have not seen. As none of these 5 have contacted me I have to conclude that either they really do like leaving these things to the last minute or that they are not serious bidders, maybe just others trying to sell a C5 and wondering ...

After way over a decade of not watching (except for a brief moment in 2000 which doesn't count cos it was on in the pub) I am going to sit down tonight with friends and watch Eurovision 2007. I promise not to get angry about the political voting or to laugh at the crapness of the acts, I shall be good and use this as a healthy distraction from the real world! Matt has again decided not to date Kerry. He says he'd quite like for a while not to be dating anyone ... I give it two weeks. The car now has 5 people watching ... please can they all start bidding now so I can at least feel there is a chance of selling the car. What worries me is that were it me I'd be asking to look at the car myself rather than thinking on paying over £4000 for a car I have not seen. As none of these 5 have contacted me I have to conclude that either they really do like leaving these things to the last minute or that they are not serious bidders, maybe just others trying to sell a C5 and wondering ...

By the way ... if any of my friends are watching the progress of the car on Ebay, can they not please? All I have to go on is how many are watching and, hopefully, bidding. I don't get details so as it stands right now it looks like I have three potential bidders watching the car ... I'd hate that to turn out to be three mates just checking in even with the best of intentions!

By the way ... if any of my friends are watching the progress of the car on Ebay, can they not please? All I have to go on is how many are watching and, hopefully, bidding. I don't get details so as it stands right now it looks like I have three potential bidders watching the car ... I'd hate that to turn out to be three mates just checking in even with the best of intentions!

Not sure, it's sure getting close. When Jermaine went away I was convinced we could all get along with our lives and things would greatly improve, we'd all be so much more relaxed. What I didn't account for was how stupid Matt would get. Because of a small child he gave up University and any chance of a prosperous future in favour of under age sex and pushing trolley's at Tesco. I have tolerated this relationship hoping that one or both of them may at some point grow up enough to see sense and the past few days I thought they may have got there. She was wanting the level of freedom he wouldn't allow and he was finding the way she was behaving unacceptable. He said how things were just not working, how he couldn't trust her because she was to heavily and easily in contact with other guys. All this has now changed apparently in the last 24 hours. Again they are desperately in love, the man and the child and she's promised she wants no one but him and he's ...

Not sure, it's sure getting close. When Jermaine went away I was convinced we could all get along with our lives and things would greatly improve, we'd all be so much more relaxed. What I didn't account for was how stupid Matt would get. Because of a small child he gave up University and any chance of a prosperous future in favour of under age sex and pushing trolley's at Tesco. I have tolerated this relationship hoping that one or both of them may at some point grow up enough to see sense and the past few days I thought they may have got there. She was wanting the level of freedom he wouldn't allow and he was finding the way she was behaving unacceptable. He said how things were just not working, how he couldn't trust her because she was to heavily and easily in contact with other guys. All this has now changed apparently in the last 24 hours. Again they are desperately in love, the man and the child and she's promised she wants no one but him and he's ...

Item number: 220109924212 Should anyone be interested ... I guess selling some stuff I don't need may not be such a bad idea right now!

Item number: 220109924212 Should anyone be interested ... I guess selling some stuff I don't need may not be such a bad idea right now!

You bet I am I have finally got around to listing my Citroen on Ebay, it took way longer than I'd imagined so now the bidding probably ends at very late O'clock in 10 days time, no matter. Not that I should be worried by this because I have done my sums. I need to get £4100 to break even on the sale of this car and the repair of the Sebring. But that money is over £2000 less than I paid for the car in worse condition just over a year ago! I am taking a huge loss on it. My theory is that should I get more than one bidder it could fly and if I don't, I get something which is better than the nothing I have right now. With a bill of potentially £2500 for the Sebring repairs I can't afford to get nothing. What this means is that I effectively don't start saving for the holiday spending money until today giving me just 10 weeks over which time, if I am lucky, I may just get it together providing nothing else huge hits me (it probably will). I do still need to pay for the...

You bet I am I have finally got around to listing my Citroen on Ebay, it took way longer than I'd imagined so now the bidding probably ends at very late O'clock in 10 days time, no matter. Not that I should be worried by this because I have done my sums. I need to get £4100 to break even on the sale of this car and the repair of the Sebring. But that money is over £2000 less than I paid for the car in worse condition just over a year ago! I am taking a huge loss on it. My theory is that should I get more than one bidder it could fly and if I don't, I get something which is better than the nothing I have right now. With a bill of potentially £2500 for the Sebring repairs I can't afford to get nothing. What this means is that I effectively don't start saving for the holiday spending money until today giving me just 10 weeks over which time, if I am lucky, I may just get it together providing nothing else huge hits me (it probably will). I do still need to pay for the...

They are at it again ... I should be shocked but I'm not. Matt is back to smoking ... he's apparently so hooked on his 'one or two' a day habit he finds it impossible to quit. This is, in fact, so typically Matt. Full of intentions yet expecting them to just resolve themselves which he knows they will because he's an expert on such things. He is also using poppers still, he bought some in London at the weekend. He's been smoking and using reccie drugs in front of Daisy, setting a great example ... I think not. Daisy, for her part, has been lying to me and stealing from Matt. In this case it is the mentioned before poppers from his room. It's just so very difficult to ground her any more than I have but I still have some avenues left open to me. Matt in particular has so much going for him yet seems intent on hitting the self destruct button. He doesn't like it any more than I do but then, he'd have to actually change his attitude to stop being an idi...

They are at it again ... I should be shocked but I'm not. Matt is back to smoking ... he's apparently so hooked on his 'one or two' a day habit he finds it impossible to quit. This is, in fact, so typically Matt. Full of intentions yet expecting them to just resolve themselves which he knows they will because he's an expert on such things. He is also using poppers still, he bought some in London at the weekend. He's been smoking and using reccie drugs in front of Daisy, setting a great example ... I think not. Daisy, for her part, has been lying to me and stealing from Matt. In this case it is the mentioned before poppers from his room. It's just so very difficult to ground her any more than I have but I still have some avenues left open to me. Matt in particular has so much going for him yet seems intent on hitting the self destruct button. He doesn't like it any more than I do but then, he'd have to actually change his attitude to stop being an idi...