Steve from England

Yes, that’s me! I have no idea who I am any more so I must be some sort of fraud. I have no idea how to relax and enjoy myself, I am always on the go. I have no value ‘to me’. I know I am of value to others but I personally get very little out of my life now, just some rare, quiet thoughtful moments where some pleasure seeps in. When it could seem I am enjoying myself my mind is still belting through trying to resolve other peoples issues, worrying about debt, worrying about what person or organisation is going to screw up next and give me more grief ‘I’ have to deal with. It seems to me that when I am needed to do something I do it as soon as I can, nearly always as soon as asked and only very rarely have to refuse to do something. That only works the one way though, if I ask someone else to do something I can just about rely now on the belief it won’t be done. I have been so busy being there for others I now have no room left for me. I am not exaggerating, I really don’t have a...

Yes, that’s me! I have no idea who I am any more so I must be some sort of fraud. I have no idea how to relax and enjoy myself, I am always on the go. I have no value ‘to me’. I know I am of value to others but I personally get very little out of my life now, just some rare, quiet thoughtful moments where some pleasure seeps in. When it could seem I am enjoying myself my mind is still belting through trying to resolve other peoples issues, worrying about debt, worrying about what person or organisation is going to screw up next and give me more grief ‘I’ have to deal with. It seems to me that when I am needed to do something I do it as soon as I can, nearly always as soon as asked and only very rarely have to refuse to do something. That only works the one way though, if I ask someone else to do something I can just about rely now on the belief it won’t be done. I have been so busy being there for others I now have no room left for me. I am not exaggerating, I really don’t have a...

My apologies for not writing any updates in such a long while. Just recently my graphics card died in my PC leaving me off line as far as this blog is concerned, for some time. Not that this is the only reason I’ve not posted anything, that’s mainly for two reasons. Either, not a lot worth writing about has happened or, a lot has happened but it would be inappropriate to write about it on a public forum. I have ordered a new car, did I blog that? It is a Ford Galaxy Titanium which is not the top of the range but the next one down. Hopefully it doesn’t take too long to arrive. I am currently having issues with Key2/Social Services with Javis. They are playing their segregation game whereby they insist on only allowing people ‘on side’ into meetings. That way they can be more intimidating to youngsters and get them to cooperate easier in their crap. Of course, it now also means we don’t know what they are actually going to do to help Javis with his new flat which means I can’t do any...

My apologies for not writing any updates in such a long while. Just recently my graphics card died in my PC leaving me off line as far as this blog is concerned, for some time. Not that this is the only reason I’ve not posted anything, that’s mainly for two reasons. Either, not a lot worth writing about has happened or, a lot has happened but it would be inappropriate to write about it on a public forum. I have ordered a new car, did I blog that? It is a Ford Galaxy Titanium which is not the top of the range but the next one down. Hopefully it doesn’t take too long to arrive. I am currently having issues with Key2/Social Services with Javis. They are playing their segregation game whereby they insist on only allowing people ‘on side’ into meetings. That way they can be more intimidating to youngsters and get them to cooperate easier in their crap. Of course, it now also means we don’t know what they are actually going to do to help Javis with his new flat which means I can’t do any...

Firstly, I am nearly over my recent illness which has been with me now about 3 weeks. It wasn’t nice and managed to put me totally out of action for a couple of days. Apart from that illness, my life, right now, is going very well. Yes, I am aware of a few things which could screw all that up any time now but, I am not about to start fretting about what might happen. Someone who I don’t really know has been giving one of my family members a hard time recently. Bottom line is, they have told him that, either he does whatever they tell him or they will disown him. How sick is that? I thought my family were bad. If that is the way they treat each other I think they deserve everything they get! I am pleased to say that many of the problems of the past as long since over now and we can look forward to a better future on several family fronts. I am so proud to be seeing the family pulling together to support each other. My phone is flipping annoying! All too often, by the time I get ...

Firstly, I am nearly over my recent illness which has been with me now about 3 weeks. It wasn’t nice and managed to put me totally out of action for a couple of days. Apart from that illness, my life, right now, is going very well. Yes, I am aware of a few things which could screw all that up any time now but, I am not about to start fretting about what might happen. Someone who I don’t really know has been giving one of my family members a hard time recently. Bottom line is, they have told him that, either he does whatever they tell him or they will disown him. How sick is that? I thought my family were bad. If that is the way they treat each other I think they deserve everything they get! I am pleased to say that many of the problems of the past as long since over now and we can look forward to a better future on several family fronts. I am so proud to be seeing the family pulling together to support each other. My phone is flipping annoying! All too often, by the time I get ...

For no updates. I have not been well for a while and any updates are appearing on Facebook only, nothing else is being updated

For no updates. I have not been well for a while and any updates are appearing on Facebook only, nothing else is being updated

Is getting me knackered. Going over the same old ground, repeating myself, hitting the same brick walls! Is it so difficult to hear something, understand it and do it? Has the world gone totally mad and incapable? OK, maybe not the whole world but, certainly people I have to deal with daily and occasionally, too many cannot do what they should do. This goes from people not being able to comprehend how a dirty cup becomes a clean cup and the processes involved and how they should be part of that process to large organisations such as HM Tax & Revenue who can confuse a general question with a statement of fact and totally screw up my income. My list of the incapable and incompetent is just too long and is tipping the balance and driving me nuts. I DO NOT need or want to have at least part of every day when I get angry, I shouldn’t have to. There is so much good going on in my life, I want to be able to enjoy it more. Can I live the ‘Walton’s’ life just for a few weeks? Good...

Is getting me knackered. Going over the same old ground, repeating myself, hitting the same brick walls! Is it so difficult to hear something, understand it and do it? Has the world gone totally mad and incapable? OK, maybe not the whole world but, certainly people I have to deal with daily and occasionally, too many cannot do what they should do. This goes from people not being able to comprehend how a dirty cup becomes a clean cup and the processes involved and how they should be part of that process to large organisations such as HM Tax & Revenue who can confuse a general question with a statement of fact and totally screw up my income. My list of the incapable and incompetent is just too long and is tipping the balance and driving me nuts. I DO NOT need or want to have at least part of every day when I get angry, I shouldn’t have to. There is so much good going on in my life, I want to be able to enjoy it more. Can I live the ‘Walton’s’ life just for a few weeks? Good...

Yay, 17 today!

Yay, 17 today!

Why is it that no matter how hard I try, for everything that goes right in my life, something else has to go equally wrong to counter it and, more often than not, to tip the balance away from right and down into very right? What I want most out of life (apart from world peace) is to help people, make them happy and, in return, to have some happiness myself and, just maybe, some appreciation and the slightest degree of effort put back. All too often though I am on this single handed attempt to do the right thing up against those who have to see the worst in me. I am not perfect, I am anything but perfect. Why then, if I am not God, do I often feel my world stops if I am not about or, if not ‘stops’ then falls apart? I will keep going as long as I can find the energy but I have been on reserve power for a long time now and I cannot find a charging point so, soon I’ll be spent No matter what though I am going to work with people who make life worth living, who I can see need me. ...

Why is it that no matter how hard I try, for everything that goes right in my life, something else has to go equally wrong to counter it and, more often than not, to tip the balance away from right and down into very right? What I want most out of life (apart from world peace) is to help people, make them happy and, in return, to have some happiness myself and, just maybe, some appreciation and the slightest degree of effort put back. All too often though I am on this single handed attempt to do the right thing up against those who have to see the worst in me. I am not perfect, I am anything but perfect. Why then, if I am not God, do I often feel my world stops if I am not about or, if not ‘stops’ then falls apart? I will keep going as long as I can find the energy but I have been on reserve power for a long time now and I cannot find a charging point so, soon I’ll be spent No matter what though I am going to work with people who make life worth living, who I can see need me. ...

James is doing me proud. He should be really happy with the way he is transforming himself. With that side of the family, if things keep going as they are doing, 2010 promises to be a very good year indeed. Sadly. not all my friends are happy. I wish I could help but I can’t think of anything other than that which I have suggested and, I just don’t think that’s enough. My allergies have really been messing me about, it’s not nice but, I know what the problem is so I can work through it, I am not, as far as I know, dyeing.

James is doing me proud. He should be really happy with the way he is transforming himself. With that side of the family, if things keep going as they are doing, 2010 promises to be a very good year indeed. Sadly. not all my friends are happy. I wish I could help but I can’t think of anything other than that which I have suggested and, I just don’t think that’s enough. My allergies have really been messing me about, it’s not nice but, I know what the problem is so I can work through it, I am not, as far as I know, dyeing.

Wow, I am going back some 30+ years here. Was chatting to someone very special earlier and we touched on this subject. All my childhood I felt like the square peg ‘they’ were trying to squeeze into the round hole. I really didn’t fit in with anyone, no pigeon hole quite suited me. In my teens that was multiplied many times over! I either had no confidence or too much confidence according to what group I was with. The balance was never really there. Young kids thought I was God, kids my own age thought I was a dog and adults thought I was what the dog left behind, well, that was how it seemed. Because of that, around adults I had no clue and was forever getting it wrong. I’d be trusting and confident with a ‘grown up’ and they’d treat me like a kid or I’d be shy and timid and they’d think I was weird for not behaving like their equal. It seemed an unwinnable situation to me. Hell, I was well into my 30’s before I realised that most people felt the same way and we’d find that out...

Wow, I am going back some 30+ years here. Was chatting to someone very special earlier and we touched on this subject. All my childhood I felt like the square peg ‘they’ were trying to squeeze into the round hole. I really didn’t fit in with anyone, no pigeon hole quite suited me. In my teens that was multiplied many times over! I either had no confidence or too much confidence according to what group I was with. The balance was never really there. Young kids thought I was God, kids my own age thought I was a dog and adults thought I was what the dog left behind, well, that was how it seemed. Because of that, around adults I had no clue and was forever getting it wrong. I’d be trusting and confident with a ‘grown up’ and they’d treat me like a kid or I’d be shy and timid and they’d think I was weird for not behaving like their equal. It seemed an unwinnable situation to me. Hell, I was well into my 30’s before I realised that most people felt the same way and we’d find that out...

They are: The ‘ What if something never happened? ’ game which means, if you could travel back in time and change things, what would you change and, would you actually be better off or, could it actually have stopped you getting something you value? The ‘ What would I do if I won big on the lottery? ’ game which is, rather self explanatory. For the first I have normally concluded that I could barely so much as tinker with the shit that has happened in my life without losing something I value right now. I can’t have ever persuaded the younger me to come out at 20 like I wanted to. I may have had a good life but, what I am quite certain about is that I would not have the friends I have now, would not have my kids and my grandkids. That is a price too high to pay. One thing I know, well, I ‘think’ I know is that I could have said ‘yes’ to my mum to buying her something from Sainsbury’s. I have always felt guilty saying no and … bugger, you see, there we go again. That one moment def...

They are: The ‘ What if something never happened? ’ game which means, if you could travel back in time and change things, what would you change and, would you actually be better off or, could it actually have stopped you getting something you value? The ‘ What would I do if I won big on the lottery? ’ game which is, rather self explanatory. For the first I have normally concluded that I could barely so much as tinker with the shit that has happened in my life without losing something I value right now. I can’t have ever persuaded the younger me to come out at 20 like I wanted to. I may have had a good life but, what I am quite certain about is that I would not have the friends I have now, would not have my kids and my grandkids. That is a price too high to pay. One thing I know, well, I ‘think’ I know is that I could have said ‘yes’ to my mum to buying her something from Sainsbury’s. I have always felt guilty saying no and … bugger, you see, there we go again. That one moment def...