Steve from England

Is getting me knackered. Going over the same old ground, repeating myself, hitting the same brick walls! Is it so difficult to hear something, understand it and do it? Has the world gone totally mad and incapable? OK, maybe not the whole world but, certainly people I have to deal with daily and occasionally, too many cannot do what they should do. This goes from people not being able to comprehend how a dirty cup becomes a clean cup and the processes involved and how they should be part of that process to large organisations such as HM Tax & Revenue who can confuse a general question with a statement of fact and totally screw up my income. My list of the incapable and incompetent is just too long and is tipping the balance and driving me nuts. I DO NOT need or want to have at least part of every day when I get angry, I shouldn’t have to. There is so much good going on in my life, I want to be able to enjoy it more. Can I live the ‘Walton’s’ life just for a few weeks? Good...

Is getting me knackered. Going over the same old ground, repeating myself, hitting the same brick walls! Is it so difficult to hear something, understand it and do it? Has the world gone totally mad and incapable? OK, maybe not the whole world but, certainly people I have to deal with daily and occasionally, too many cannot do what they should do. This goes from people not being able to comprehend how a dirty cup becomes a clean cup and the processes involved and how they should be part of that process to large organisations such as HM Tax & Revenue who can confuse a general question with a statement of fact and totally screw up my income. My list of the incapable and incompetent is just too long and is tipping the balance and driving me nuts. I DO NOT need or want to have at least part of every day when I get angry, I shouldn’t have to. There is so much good going on in my life, I want to be able to enjoy it more. Can I live the ‘Walton’s’ life just for a few weeks? Good...

Yay, 17 today!

Yay, 17 today!

Why is it that no matter how hard I try, for everything that goes right in my life, something else has to go equally wrong to counter it and, more often than not, to tip the balance away from right and down into very right? What I want most out of life (apart from world peace) is to help people, make them happy and, in return, to have some happiness myself and, just maybe, some appreciation and the slightest degree of effort put back. All too often though I am on this single handed attempt to do the right thing up against those who have to see the worst in me. I am not perfect, I am anything but perfect. Why then, if I am not God, do I often feel my world stops if I am not about or, if not ‘stops’ then falls apart? I will keep going as long as I can find the energy but I have been on reserve power for a long time now and I cannot find a charging point so, soon I’ll be spent No matter what though I am going to work with people who make life worth living, who I can see need me. ...

Why is it that no matter how hard I try, for everything that goes right in my life, something else has to go equally wrong to counter it and, more often than not, to tip the balance away from right and down into very right? What I want most out of life (apart from world peace) is to help people, make them happy and, in return, to have some happiness myself and, just maybe, some appreciation and the slightest degree of effort put back. All too often though I am on this single handed attempt to do the right thing up against those who have to see the worst in me. I am not perfect, I am anything but perfect. Why then, if I am not God, do I often feel my world stops if I am not about or, if not ‘stops’ then falls apart? I will keep going as long as I can find the energy but I have been on reserve power for a long time now and I cannot find a charging point so, soon I’ll be spent No matter what though I am going to work with people who make life worth living, who I can see need me. ...

James is doing me proud. He should be really happy with the way he is transforming himself. With that side of the family, if things keep going as they are doing, 2010 promises to be a very good year indeed. Sadly. not all my friends are happy. I wish I could help but I can’t think of anything other than that which I have suggested and, I just don’t think that’s enough. My allergies have really been messing me about, it’s not nice but, I know what the problem is so I can work through it, I am not, as far as I know, dyeing.

James is doing me proud. He should be really happy with the way he is transforming himself. With that side of the family, if things keep going as they are doing, 2010 promises to be a very good year indeed. Sadly. not all my friends are happy. I wish I could help but I can’t think of anything other than that which I have suggested and, I just don’t think that’s enough. My allergies have really been messing me about, it’s not nice but, I know what the problem is so I can work through it, I am not, as far as I know, dyeing.

Wow, I am going back some 30+ years here. Was chatting to someone very special earlier and we touched on this subject. All my childhood I felt like the square peg ‘they’ were trying to squeeze into the round hole. I really didn’t fit in with anyone, no pigeon hole quite suited me. In my teens that was multiplied many times over! I either had no confidence or too much confidence according to what group I was with. The balance was never really there. Young kids thought I was God, kids my own age thought I was a dog and adults thought I was what the dog left behind, well, that was how it seemed. Because of that, around adults I had no clue and was forever getting it wrong. I’d be trusting and confident with a ‘grown up’ and they’d treat me like a kid or I’d be shy and timid and they’d think I was weird for not behaving like their equal. It seemed an unwinnable situation to me. Hell, I was well into my 30’s before I realised that most people felt the same way and we’d find that out...

Wow, I am going back some 30+ years here. Was chatting to someone very special earlier and we touched on this subject. All my childhood I felt like the square peg ‘they’ were trying to squeeze into the round hole. I really didn’t fit in with anyone, no pigeon hole quite suited me. In my teens that was multiplied many times over! I either had no confidence or too much confidence according to what group I was with. The balance was never really there. Young kids thought I was God, kids my own age thought I was a dog and adults thought I was what the dog left behind, well, that was how it seemed. Because of that, around adults I had no clue and was forever getting it wrong. I’d be trusting and confident with a ‘grown up’ and they’d treat me like a kid or I’d be shy and timid and they’d think I was weird for not behaving like their equal. It seemed an unwinnable situation to me. Hell, I was well into my 30’s before I realised that most people felt the same way and we’d find that out...

They are: The ‘ What if something never happened? ’ game which means, if you could travel back in time and change things, what would you change and, would you actually be better off or, could it actually have stopped you getting something you value? The ‘ What would I do if I won big on the lottery? ’ game which is, rather self explanatory. For the first I have normally concluded that I could barely so much as tinker with the shit that has happened in my life without losing something I value right now. I can’t have ever persuaded the younger me to come out at 20 like I wanted to. I may have had a good life but, what I am quite certain about is that I would not have the friends I have now, would not have my kids and my grandkids. That is a price too high to pay. One thing I know, well, I ‘think’ I know is that I could have said ‘yes’ to my mum to buying her something from Sainsbury’s. I have always felt guilty saying no and … bugger, you see, there we go again. That one moment def...

They are: The ‘ What if something never happened? ’ game which means, if you could travel back in time and change things, what would you change and, would you actually be better off or, could it actually have stopped you getting something you value? The ‘ What would I do if I won big on the lottery? ’ game which is, rather self explanatory. For the first I have normally concluded that I could barely so much as tinker with the shit that has happened in my life without losing something I value right now. I can’t have ever persuaded the younger me to come out at 20 like I wanted to. I may have had a good life but, what I am quite certain about is that I would not have the friends I have now, would not have my kids and my grandkids. That is a price too high to pay. One thing I know, well, I ‘think’ I know is that I could have said ‘yes’ to my mum to buying her something from Sainsbury’s. I have always felt guilty saying no and … bugger, you see, there we go again. That one moment def...

… ever lose my memory I dunno, it could be stress of lack of sleep but both my memory and concentration are going tits up and have been for a few months now and I really hate it. I have not gone doolaly, not yet anyway (still time) but if this is a sample of what losing marbles is like then I don’t much like it. I start saying something and then nothing, total blank. I am forgetting names, forgetting what day of the week it is even. Some things I remember with perfect clarity, indeed, most things I do but the processing time seems a lot longer than I am used to, sometimes though, the memory doesn’t come at all and I draw a blank and on important things too like family names, how wrong is that? Anyway, hopefully I am still sort of useful. Zoey’s social worker came round earlier. During the meeting she asked what I did for a break. Not because my memory is lacking but because it is reality, I had nothing to give her, what the hell is a break? I remember the USA in 2004 for one ...

… ever lose my memory I dunno, it could be stress of lack of sleep but both my memory and concentration are going tits up and have been for a few months now and I really hate it. I have not gone doolaly, not yet anyway (still time) but if this is a sample of what losing marbles is like then I don’t much like it. I start saying something and then nothing, total blank. I am forgetting names, forgetting what day of the week it is even. Some things I remember with perfect clarity, indeed, most things I do but the processing time seems a lot longer than I am used to, sometimes though, the memory doesn’t come at all and I draw a blank and on important things too like family names, how wrong is that? Anyway, hopefully I am still sort of useful. Zoey’s social worker came round earlier. During the meeting she asked what I did for a break. Not because my memory is lacking but because it is reality, I had nothing to give her, what the hell is a break? I remember the USA in 2004 for one ...

All families, yes, even for those who are old enough to remember, even the Waltons and the Ingles had differences and difficulties which they had to overcome for the greater good of the family as a unit. As I see it, families are not about the here and now, it is a long term investment in people. When the bonds are strong enough then it is not a matter of hate and rejection but more temporary like or dislike. It is entirely compatible to love someone deeply yet, at the same time, to dislike them intensely. It all rather depends on a number of factors in any order, quantity or combination. This means that a single disagreement can feel, at the time, like the end of an era, the beginning of the end, the end of the family as we know it. The emphasise has to be on the word ‘feel’. Much of what goes wrong in families is perceptual dysfunction and bad or no communication. At some time it may be sensible to have one person tell another that perhaps they are not particularly happy with w...

All families, yes, even for those who are old enough to remember, even the Waltons and the Ingles had differences and difficulties which they had to overcome for the greater good of the family as a unit. As I see it, families are not about the here and now, it is a long term investment in people. When the bonds are strong enough then it is not a matter of hate and rejection but more temporary like or dislike. It is entirely compatible to love someone deeply yet, at the same time, to dislike them intensely. It all rather depends on a number of factors in any order, quantity or combination. This means that a single disagreement can feel, at the time, like the end of an era, the beginning of the end, the end of the family as we know it. The emphasise has to be on the word ‘feel’. Much of what goes wrong in families is perceptual dysfunction and bad or no communication. At some time it may be sensible to have one person tell another that perhaps they are not particularly happy with w...