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What a friggin’ crap week!

Just when I start thinking everything in my world is going to amazingly well, it starts to crumble!

This time with Javis I was so sure it was going to work but, once again, it’s all collapsed, he’s gone. This is not the place to tell the story other than to say, I am really very sad about it and that, just lately, the levels of stress have made me ill. If I could wind back time, know what caused the problem and stop it, I would. Sadly, I didn’t see it coming and, by the time I tried to sort it, things had already gone too far. I said to him I didn’t want him as part of this family if he left, it was a bluff to get him to stay, it backfired and now he believes it, it’s my only regret that he still believes it. Maybe, one day in the future, things will sort themselves out. I get he won’t ever live in the same place again, I get that he has his own life but that doesn’t write off every possibility.

Annoyingly, I am still very not well. I am eating again which is good but, my body is not right. Today I was reminded of some good relaxing techniques so shall use them before going to bed and see what happens.

Am really pleased that Adam is finally working with Zoey, I’ve wanted him to do it from the start but he’s never been available. It was totally awesome earlier being driven around in the car and dropped off at Matt & Anne’s, I could get used to this!

Looking forward to my Friday massage session. The current dizziness is clearly linked to my neck somehow.

Looking forward to Florida with Robin, this time I really need a break from UK stress. If I could take along all those I loved then, all the better. I can only hope they know they go with me in my heart and, if I win the lottery in the meantime, I hope you lot are ready to spend a lot of time out the country!

Found out why my phone seemed to have a lot of space taken up … HTC seem to like to place their 150mb synch software for the PC on the phone!

I really have a lot of video editing to do. I think I will concentrate on the work video first and then the Florida holiday with Javis. Things may be shit now but, at that time they were good and I want to do the memory proud, I hate any idea of messing with good memories, if they were good at the time then they should stay that way.

Am really glad that this time around we seem to have kept a really strong link with Josh’s extended family, little fella deserves to remain close to all his family if they want to be close to him.

Planning a holiday with Zoey next year, she seems to want to drive down to Spain and stay in Salou! Well, that restricts us to only a max of 5 people so, me, Adam, Zoey, Deej and maybe, A N Other if they can pay their way … at least the driving will be easier this time around with two drivers … unless motability say Adam can’t be insured for Europe, in which case, sort of fooks the whole idea. Would be good to go back there though. Thinking some time in June so, if you want to be the A N Other, see if you can be free then and can afford it. (Have no clue yet how much BTW or even if it is possible)

Really excited about Danny making an appearance soon but, all the more excited about having all the grandchildren around for Christmas … I just don’t have enough arms!

Sod it, even my hands are starting to hurt now, maybe some pain killers and bed then

Comments

Steve said…
August 2012, I want the memory of this time to just go away, I hate every last bit of how I was feeling then because, it just keeps coming back to hit me even now
3:18 am
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