Steve from England

After my causing a huge fuss on Tuesday Zoey was finally moved to Berrywood Hospital in Duston. She stayed over night in Harbour Ward for assessment but tonight she moved over to Bay Ward to start the much needed treatment phase. I have zero idea what that entails at this stage, communication is a little patchy so I need to find out who I should be contacting for updates. To the best of my knowledge she is eating, not sure how consistently but she’s eating and occasionally drinking too. Am totally unsure if she’s using the toilet as she should be yet though. She’s had two visits today, this morning from Me and Daisy and this evening from Matt & Anne. Both those visits were good ones where Zoey was laughing and smiling. They are more strict here, it’s not a case of just wandering in so, if someone wishes to visit, please let me know and I’ll give details, make sure someone else isn’t already visiting then as they have a strict 3 visitor maximum. If anyone wants to take under 18...

We decided to take the boys back to see Auntie Zoey this morning, they were looking forward to it. She gave them an initial hug but said nothing. A quick smile and that was that. We spent 40+ minutes with her during which she didn’t engage at all. She responded to her name, knew we were talking to her but didn’t vocalise at all. We eventually left and Danny was crying because Auntie Zoey wouldn’t speak to them. They’ve also learnt that not eating and drinking leads to death and both the boys were really concerned that Zoey still refuses food and water. In short, both me and Daisy felt stupidly guilty for taking them, I think we both knew it would be a risk but had to try it. We were called yesterday and ‘maybe’ a placement has been found for Zoey at Berrywood which is not so far from here, just under 2 miles. ‘If’ she goes there then it will be on Monday. I really don’t have much confidence in the system at this stage. Had a lovely chat with Dennis. For oily skin try this Site ...

I thought that my ability to cope was second to none. You know, yeah, shit happens but it doesn’t phase me, I’m good me. Earlier on, this woman visits, a nurse type, quite nice and she’s here an hour or so talking about what her and her team are going to do for Zoey and it’s all good. Then she starts going on about how we’re coping, how difficult it must be, how we really need support at this really difficult time and I’m thinking … Eh? No, I’m good thanks, I don’t need anything, I am dealing with this shit, this is water off a ducks back to me, autopilot stuff. So, she left but then I started thinking and remembered that thinking isn’t what we do when we’re in this situation, thinking is bad. But, I allowed myself to think for just long enough to start wondering if I was coping OK and, it was a little scary when I realised that … Despite my outward appearance (I think) of dealing with this all rather well, I might actually, just possibly, be doing a hell of a lot of internal screami...

If at all possible, could you maybe send around £75,000 my way. This would no solve all my problems but it would make my future very happy indeed. Of course, should you, dear Lottery, see fit for a few £million then, I could use that very sensibly and generously. You see, I know a few people both in the UK and elsewhere whose lives would be changed completely by not a lot of money sent their way. So, if you could possibly, just swing some cash like that my way, I would be most ever so grateful.

I am going to compress this as much as I can. Over the last few days I have been pestering rather a lot of people to get off their fence and do something for Zoey. I’ve had Health, Social Service and Mental Health all stepping backward trying not to step up and take control. As a consequence of that, Zoey has received only observational care. No way am I knocking what has been done for her on the ward but their hands have been tied. Without any legal back up all they could do was observe and watch Zoey get steadily worse. I kind of blew a mini gasket earlier and insisted that I’d not allow matters to go one more day. If they didn’t do something today I would be raising at the very least, a complaint of neglect of duty. After nearly an entire day of waiting around with Matt we finally got the decision that Zoey was sectioned under section 2. That means they can now do what they need to do in Zoey’s best interests. By the time we left they were querying whether or not Zoey might be s...

Repeated on Facebook At the moment, some of you might have noticed, we're going through a difficult time. Life is about difficult times too. What happens when a family goes through a tough time is one of two things, they blow apart or they stick ever closer together. I am so incredibly proud of how my family has stuck together. I honestly believe that we are all the stronger for the tough times we share and it helps us appreciate the good times. For me, also, it means a lot, I mean, deep down a lot, to have my extended family in the Philippines. Dennis and his family and friends. His mum writes me quite a lot and I know they say prayer there too. Over here and around the world I have friends saying prayers all over the place, Steve & Rosie down in Kent, Jonny over in NYC, Daniel in Atlanta. Those who don't have a faith are still talking to something or someone asking for help even the total non believers. What will be will be. I have to trust that this works out even i...

Zoey is my third child, now 24 years old. She was the one we had to cushion Matt from the responsibility of having to care for his older brother, Jermaine. We were not to know then that Zoey would have special needs all of her own. Thankfully she is officially moderate needs which has meant there have been no health worries in particular but that she had significant developmental delay. ‘Delay’ is rather inaccurate as it implies there will be catch up eventually, this is not the case, she is what she is. To get a better idea, her academic level perhaps reaches that of a 5 year old. She can come across as quite normal but, put any 5 year old in an adults body and they can come across as grown ups for a short time at least. For the majority of her life Zoey has been no real issue. True, I may compare this to Jermaine who most certainly was a lot of trouble but, on the whole, she’s been very manageable albeit it is still quite difficult having a constant 5 year old around. She’s nev...

Clearly I support Immigration, if I didn’t then my future plans are hypocritical. What is immigration? Put simply, it is a person not born here but living here. It covers both those here temporarily and those intending to settle. Break it down further and it also covers people like the Governor of the Bank of England (no less) or the man who just hitched a ride in a truck through the tunnel from France. Both those are migrants. Are both legal though? That rather depends because it isn’t strictly speaking an easy answer. Bank Manager is not on the list of those people we seek from abroad to work in this country so, how comes the Governor got his job? I guess it’s because he knew someone who knew someone. I can’t believe we are lacking suitable UK talent we need a Canadian to run the bank which represents this country. This, however, highlights the problem. We are not as a nation against immigration, what we are against is a certain type of immigrant. If they are wealthy, in jobs...

Trying to remember what I did today, not so easy as I am sure I was doing several things at the same time ... apologies to Daisy, I think I didn't quite complete the dishwasher bit. I forced myself to stay in bed a little later. Sure, I woke up just before 7am and each half hour but I didn't get up until after 9am. I took Daisy to Sainsbury as she needed to get something for a birthday present. Around 11 something I came back and Anne popped in for a chat, always nice to see her and the kids though Zach tried flying off some steps but he's OK. Zoey has still not been eating or drinking, it's been many weeks now since she started not being right. I called 111 which is our emergency Health Service number and spent an age on the phone to them, probably an hour or so. Got through to the GP surgery and eventually got them to send out a doctor who examined Zoey thoroughly and concluded she was physically OK but emotionally a mess. She's been prescribed some anti depressan...

In life we are said to meet one soul mate, that special person we can totally relate to, who loves us no matter what and we love them the same. There was a time, not so long ago when we only had the people within a few streets of us to find them from. Then there were trains and telephones and we might find them in the next town. Cars came along to make life easier, TV showed us a bigger view and they might now be anywhere in the country. Then we got air travel and the internet, we've a whole world to choose from. Our streets is now a planet so, why are you alone precisely? My soul mate is 6,668 miles away flying in a dead straight line, that's like, wow!

I shared this philosophy of mine the other day with a friend and firmly believe if we all thought this way we could live happier, more fulfilled lives. All of us throughout life have ups and downs. Some of those are so huge we have real trouble with them. These life experiences are relative to the general level of experiences we have had. What might be devastating for one person is a minor blimp in the life of someone else but, to both, the impact of ‘their’ big one is life long. Thinking of some examples:   A harsh childhood with bullying and depression A relationship which went wrong A lost job An illness The death of someone special A bad accident Money worries Unexpected parenthood Being thrust into a Caring role Rejection These and many more are life changers for many. Some might experience just one or two of these, others might experience them all. As it happens, I got the full list and then some and several of them many times over. All or any of these can...

Some arse starts smoking weed just outside my house, I detest stoners! Anyway, as I was going to say … the past few weeks have been stupidly stressful. Our Zoey, bless her, has become very difficult to manage. We’ve been able to work out it is a behaviour thing, not an illness or anything which can be easily treated. She has become increasingly and dangerously stubborn. Now, I don’t much mind if she wants to laze around all day, she’s never going to have a job, she’s got no real responsibilities and so on which means, she’s a little like someone that retired. That’s not the issue, she’s got it in her head now that eating and personal hygiene are optional and, more often than not, she does neither. She is borderline underweight now, just a couple of pounds in it.   Today we had a huge kick off because I tried to force the issue on her getting clean. I got kicked and slapped and she tried to bite me at one point. She’d gone three days without anything close to a wash and was smel...

So tired! Tomorrow might be the first time in weeks I don’t get to speak to Dennis :-( I am off first on a bike ride and then over at Abington Park for the concert at the bandstand. Dennis is scaring the life out of me riding the back of a bike who knows how many miles to a baptism and there’s likely no service there (phone) to let me know he got there OK so I’ll just like worry all day! On the plus side, he should be home before I go to bed and, if he remembers, can let me know then he got home OK. Dressed up in my suit on Friday for a wedding … I remember looking good in that thing yet now I look like a fatty wearing my suit! I got a nutribullet now and I ain’t afraid to use it! Loved the wedding car … Am off to bed now, cheers everyone

I've got a few years before I retire, at least 13 anyway (is that all?) and it seems obvious to me that retiring abroad makes more sense than remaining in the UK. Our minimum state pension changes next year and is promised to be at least £150 a week, possibly more, who knows yet, we shall find out next season. That £650 or so a month, not a great deal in this wonderful country of ours.But, that's the UK. If we retire to the Philippines that money suddenly look attractive. With monthly wages there something not to far removed from £276 a month suddenly £650 looks very healthy indeed. On top of that, the Philippines just happens to be an indexed country which means that the rate of pension rises with inflation rather than being frozen as it is in so many other countries. Frustratingly, me and Dennis will have hopefully, and maybe (he's not asked yet) enjoyed many years of marriage to discover we have no legal status over there, that's quite a big deal to me. We'll kno...

Had a lay in bed today until 10:20, true, it was about 2:20am when I went to bed but that’s still a step forward for me! Managed to help Matt & Anne a fair bit today which was rewarding, nice to be able to be there for them for a change. Put the rubbish out here and picked up some 8 & 6 legged friends in the process so needed a shower to flush them away (shudder) Only managed an hour with Dennis earlier, I think the local internet cafe cut the connections around them to get some extra business. Thought there was an irony in an internet cafe which didn’t serve coffee! It’s not the best picture of Dennis, but it was a quick screen grab for my blog. In the process of resetting my phone at the moment. It’s not been quite right since it went all lollipop on me and Samsung suggest a reset to resolve the issues. Worth  try I guess.

I keep pushing myself anyway. That said, I am going to write this then go pass out for some hours or so! Yesterday I was so tired I had to stop driving up to Derbyshire. I was able to eat something and carry on but, even so, stupid tired. Had an epic GTAV session last night but I was so tired there were times I couldn’t remember which controls did what! I wasn’t doing much more than making up the numbers! Today I was so tired I was driving up curbs in the car. Am so tired I am genuinely having trouble thinking. Even so, have been having a great many long conversations with Mama in the Philippines, that’s been fun and makes my relationship with Dennis feel even more real. Went cycling yesterday but we only did 5 miles, not really good enough but still enjoyable. Got some good news today that someone has finally got a long overdue criminal record and, about time! It’s not for the sort of crime that they should have been charged with and they will find some way to get someone else ...

I’ve decided that the only way to find my lost 62GB memory stick is to buy another one. I visited Amazon and found the old purchase at £35 but now it is £14.99 except, underneath it said it had been replaced by a USB3 version for £13.99, a result I think! Whilst I was there I also bought a tea strainer as that too has gone missing! I quite like leaf tea but can’t stand all the large leaves at the bottom. I particularly love Jasmin tea, it’s just sort of yummy and fresh and in my special china tea service too from China … OK, it was made in China but was actually bought in Spain at a theme park in their land which they call ‘China’ so, one way or another it’s authentic! Cortana was missing as a working version from Windows 10 but strangely, now it works! I changed it all to USA location and it worked straight away, it wouldn’t with UK settings. I decided I really didn’t want my PC thinking it was American though so reverted back to UK and, as if by magic, Cortana works so, she doesn’t...

I am in love with Dennis pure and simple. Yes, I understand that some might find it difficult to understand how I can be in love with someone the other side of the world who I have never met. Clearly it is possible because it’s real and, Dennis feels it too which, let’s face it, is a good thing! We speak just about every day between 12-3pm or as much time as we can on Skype otherwise on Viber. Time always flies by so quickly even on those days when we barely say anything. God willing Dennis will be over here next April time for a month to get to know me in the flesh and also to get to know the family a lot more and those friends who would like to meet him. We are, of course, relying on the UK Border Agency approving his tourist visa but that should all go through OK. I shall probably go there to visit over Christmas 2016. Dennis only really gets two longer breaks from work in April and December so when we can travel is restricted. He is a teacher living, hmm, about an hour or so ...

Whether we like it or not, Windows 10 is upon us. I was a little nervous about it to be honest with you. I was thinking we’d be dished up Windows 8.1 with some backward looking features to Windows 7. I am pleasantly surprised to be telling you that what we actually have is Windows 7 with the best bits of Windows 8.1. So far, so good. I think it’s rather possible that Microsoft have released it a little prior to everything actually working so, expect a service pack some time soon but, on the whole, it seems quite a neat package

Yes, my blog is often about current affairs or, more likely than no … me. Not this one, this is about fairness and morality and parenting. When someone has a child they believe they get automatic parental rights . There is no such thing, what they have is parental responsibility , they are two totally different thing. It means that until they are old enough to look after themselves (legally), as a parent there is a responsibility to support that child emotionally , physically and financially . Failure to do any of those consistently or at all is unacceptable by any definition unless there is the sort of situation which makes it impossible. As a parent there is no right to opt out of their lives unless you are so far up your own backside you wish to put yourself first all too often if not all the time. This applies to mothers or fathers, I am not singling anyone out here for special criticism, I’ve know both genders who felt it was totally fine to leave the kids with another parent ...