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CAR CHARGE ESTIMATION LESS THAN EXPECTED

There was a phone call received by this office earlier on today by someone we shall call 'the man' confirming rumours that the coils have had it and the plugs are not sparking. It is estimated that the company loss will be around £400 though analysts suspect this figure may rise.

THEATRE VISIT NEARLY MISSED, SHOCK REVELATION

In a shock move today the stage play 'Witches of Eastwick' jumped forward one day resulting in a near miss. It was previously reported that the play would present itself on Friday but a source inside the theatre quoted that the tickets had been miss read by one Rupert Hontong Brewup and were indeed valid for Thursday. It was shear luck the error was discovered by Dame Stephanie Willibums of Northamberton in time for the evenings performance.

COMPUTER GLITCH WASTES HOURS

Technicians today discovered a glitch in the main frame of the company hyper text mark up language which caused erroneous results when views from an optical interface. After several hours the problem was resolved and passengers on the 16:12 to Putney continued their journey as usual.

RETIRED COMPUTER TECHNICIAN LEARNS OF INTERNET CONFUSION

A retired man of Bristols-upon-Tits found himself marooned earlier on today when a website known as 'face book' transformed itelf into an alien artifact and became unusable to normal humans. He was said earlier to be in a confused but stable condition In Holby General awaiting further reports.

NORTHUMPERTDINKGOGOGOCK MAN SUFFERS DROUGHT

A man was reported just moments ago in breaking news to be suffering a drought in his glass of brandy and lemondade. Rescuers are on the scene in the hope of an early rescue.

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