Skip to main content

The one with no title

C'mon, it's early and I can't be arsed with thinking up witty titles!

The car is still running and, more important perhaps, outside my house! Yesterday I paid £230 to get the last bit of bodywork sorted out, just a windscreen repair to go and it's as good it its going to get. (It's only a small chip so shouldn't be a problem)

When I say that, about it being good as its going to get I mean until I get the parking sensors fitted of course and I go see a little man about those next week.

I spent quite a bit of last week fretting about my Dad and his wife coming over. I am 44 years old and what he thinks still gets to me. As far as I am aware there is not one thing I have done in my life for which he is proud of me so still I try to impress him even when I so know it'll never happen. John and me spent an age working on the garden. Kath still managed to be critical of the front though. She was also (or came across as) bitchy about the car wanting to know how I can afford a car like that? The implication seemed to me to be that someone like myself, scrounging off the state, shouldn't have a nice car.

As usual she refused my dinner. She also managed a game of one upmanship by comparing her grandson Max to Daisy saying how they are the same age yet Max has taken his GCSE's already. Dad said rather little as it happens, probably best.

Jermaine came over too and it was his best visit to date. There were loads of smiles and giggles and not a sign of anger.

Matt & Anne seemed to be having issues so came across as somewhat rude. Matt bit my head off when I called out to him his grandparents were leaving which wasn't very nice. Yesterday he bit my head off because I suggested I collect him from town 20 minutes earlier than I'd agreed because that was what fitted in with my plans. He's only managing to hand out 2-3 CV's each day and not following up leads he gets for jobs. He is so going to get himself in a lot of bother very soon and if he's messing me about and deliberately not doing anything to make sure he can stay here then it's so going to backfire on him because it's just totally disrespectful and what got us in this situation in the first place. As usual his social life is his #1 priority and all else is just meant to fall into place despite the overwhelming evidence that this is not what happens in life.

Robin is once again going through a spell of feeling down. I think we may have got to the root of it now and it is a very heavy situation. On the plus side, I think there is a resolution, something Robin can do which may well help end the cycle of depression but it is going to be really difficult to him as it means making some life changes. He knows deep down he is in the thoughts of many throughout hi life it is just difficult for him to accept that as he has such a low opinion of himself.

Did I mention I have a new car? ;-)

Oh, one interesting thing also ... we'd noticed that files we had on the network here seemed to be going missing and just couldn't work out what we'd done with them. It turned out that Zoey had decided she didn't want all these things cluttering up her laptop so was deleting them! Now I have the task of putting the collection back together again!

Zoey is at college now by the way, and she's really loving it. We can't see her for dust when she gets ready in the mornings.

This afternoon we should be getting our two new cats.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Budget Day

So, we have the ‘Let’s buy a whole host of gullible voters day’ with George Osborne. No doubt we’ll be told how employment is rising, how the deficit is falling, how we’re all so much better off now than we were (compared to what?). We’ll be told that there are still tough times ahead but that only a Conservative government can steer us through them. It will be pointed out how inflation remains low, how not raising duty on fuel has helped everyone as is seen by the current lower prices at the pumps (it’s going up again George). In short, I should listen to this budget later and decide to vote Conservative in May but, I won’t. Labour certainly did nothing to avoid the mess the country got in but they didn’t cause it. They made the mistake of trying to be too conservative, allowing high finance the freedom to cause a catastrophic cock up for which they took zero responsibility. They made the mistake of allowing Gordon Brown to take the job of Prime Minister, one for which he is totally...

Not a good day

Today is a very emotional one for me. I have no idea why that would be the case but apparently it is. For a day that had nothing pre-arranged this one has turned out quite busy. First, I agreed to take Matt for breakfast though I wasn't really hungry. He was being quite argumentative in the morning about some thing or other, I don't recall what exactly but some matter of politics where he was going to argue the toss whilst knowing little or nothing about it. But, even so, I was quite upbeat as Jermaine had gone to school on time ... no, scrub that, i was upbeat until I yet again had to tell Zoey to get her arse out of her room, downstairs, do her chores and get to school, that is when this day started to go downward. I spent way too much money on a new doorbell, true, we needed one but not one that cost nearly £50! This too has not helped. I went to see a garage that can fit parking sensors to my car, all well and good but they needed me to supply paint to match the circles up ...

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

I am currently working through modules on Self Esteem. I can honestly say, it’s tough reading! So much does relate to me it hurts to read it. Already I am wishing for answers that I need. It’s like, I know and understand what I am reading and acknowledge it as a fair representation of my current state but, where is the hug? The reassurance that it’s all going to be OK? The issue, for me, of doing this sort of thing is that it highlights possibly the greatest issue I have, I am alone. Someone special to hug up to, to talk to when I need it, well, I don’t have anyone. Perhaps that is a good thing because, right now, I’d probably question all their motives, what is their ‘real’ agenda? Even knowing where those feelings come from, where they started and so on is not yet helping me to overcome them. I’ve become somewhat insecure and full of self doubt, all negative stuff. Frustratingly, I can damn well see it too, it’s like there are two of me, am sure someone would say that’s because I a...