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I am so ashamed of myself :-(

As mentioned in my last blog we have been getting some hassle from local chavs throwing the snowballs and stuff.

I got to a point earlier where I couldn't stay in the house any more because it was winding me up so. What I needed to do was remove myself from the situation so got John and Zoey ready and headed for the car, Daisy stayed home alone not wanting to go out in the cold.

I don't remember a great deal, it's a bit of a blur now but I know we were coming in for some abuse and had snowballs thrown at us and at some point I just snapped. The ringleader, this mixed race kid pushed me further than I thought it was possible to push me and I went for him. Initially I grabbed his throat, I just wanted to shut him up. When he smiled at me I could see the smile I got back in the old house from the kid there that terrorised us for years knowing he'd get away with it. I freaked. Very soon I let go of him totally shocked by what he had done and then, when I did, the kid (14) smiled at me, he knew he'd one a victory and I snapped again and hit him once, maybe twice. There were loads of witnesses to it and I feel so terribly ashamed. I am not ashamed because there were witnesses but because I can lose control like that. That has not happened since Jermaine was here on one of those times he was attacking everyone and I was trying to restrain him and getting really hurt. It's just so not me to be like that.

When we left and after loads of abuse and one particularly well aimed snowball to my crotch they turned their attention on the house with their boots and tried to break the door down. Daisy was justifiably terrified and had to call the police.

All I keep thinking is that here we go again, this is the start of it all over again and I love this house, I don't want to have to move again.

But those snowballs though, it was like each time a brick was going through again, all the terror of before came back, I could feel it was different and didn't know how to react, I should have just stayed indoors, turned something up really loud and tried to block it out.

Now I am in fear of what is going to happen next, I can't believe this is the end of it. I have moved the car to far away from the house and hope it's far enough, at least I can relax knowing that is not likely to be picked on. Of course, I could just be dead unlucky and some drunk will pick on it in the pub car park where it currently is. That was the only place I could park it over there where it didn't stand out, no one over there parks their cars on the road.

What the hell is wrong with people these days.

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