Steve from England

Someone, and that’s all I am currently saying on the subject publicly.   My new car (Nissan Qashqai +2) is due next week. It’s in a dark purple colour, a favourite colour of mine I share with all the best people. It’s not affordable and I am horribly in debt but, for once, what the fuck!   Pleased to say that an extra special has been made this week and, on the whole, the house is tidy and clean and a pleasure to be in albeit a little too busy at times and sometimes at the wrong times but, no matter.   Awesome to hear some great mixes going on in the lounge and I don’t just mean the music either. No way am I going to say that ‘it is different this time’ because it is always different until it become the same we expect and have gotten used to. I would just like to hold out a hope that this different becomes the new normal. It would be by far the best outcome for all concerned. Apologies for the cryptic nature of this paragraph.   Got a new batch of coffee toda...

Someone, and that’s all I am currently saying on the subject publicly.   My new car (Nissan Qashqai +2) is due next week. It’s in a dark purple colour, a favourite colour of mine I share with all the best people. It’s not affordable and I am horribly in debt but, for once, what the fuck!   Pleased to say that an extra special has been made this week and, on the whole, the house is tidy and clean and a pleasure to be in albeit a little too busy at times and sometimes at the wrong times but, no matter.   Awesome to hear some great mixes going on in the lounge and I don’t just mean the music either. No way am I going to say that ‘it is different this time’ because it is always different until it become the same we expect and have gotten used to. I would just like to hold out a hope that this different becomes the new normal. It would be by far the best outcome for all concerned. Apologies for the cryptic nature of this paragraph.   Got a new batch of coffee toda...

Yes, sorry about that!   For reasons I am not going into here, I have not written a blog entry for quite some time. Suffice to say, I have had other things on my mind and, all GOOD things   Since my last blog entry I had a lovely stay with Ian & Richard in Twickenham. It’s always good to spend time with them, have intelligent adult conversation. I don’t get that much time to speak to people anywhere near my own life experiences and interests so it makes a pleasant change. I agreed to do an interview on Gay Parenting for BBC Northampton on 27/8 which I am pleased to say went well, quite enjoyed that. The first time I did one of those things and didn’t even listen to it, how strange! During September I drove down to Kent to collect Javis and popped into see my friend Don on the way back. Don lives in Brighton so, not exactly a direct route home but well worth the detour. On the way there my car started flashing a picture of a spanner at me. I didn’t pay a lot of attent...

Yes, sorry about that!   For reasons I am not going into here, I have not written a blog entry for quite some time. Suffice to say, I have had other things on my mind and, all GOOD things   Since my last blog entry I had a lovely stay with Ian & Richard in Twickenham. It’s always good to spend time with them, have intelligent adult conversation. I don’t get that much time to speak to people anywhere near my own life experiences and interests so it makes a pleasant change. I agreed to do an interview on Gay Parenting for BBC Northampton on 27/8 which I am pleased to say went well, quite enjoyed that. The first time I did one of those things and didn’t even listen to it, how strange! During September I drove down to Kent to collect Javis and popped into see my friend Don on the way back. Don lives in Brighton so, not exactly a direct route home but well worth the detour. On the way there my car started flashing a picture of a spanner at me. I didn’t pay a lot of attent...

Been a busy few months … backward and forward to Kent. Getting a new Personal Assistant for Zoey, losing friends, making new ones, making plans and changing them. Greatest change of late is my gym class activity. Am going several times a week now so, doing quite well. A lot of pain but, where there is no pain, there is no accident … I mean, gain! Am losing some bulk I don’t want and replacing it with some I don’t mind. It would seem I am not as unattractive as I once thought I was. I am not short of admirers suggesting  long term relationships. I have never in my life been in a position where I may some day need to make choices and difficult choices at that between future chances. It is an interesting new road for me. Not a lot apart from the above is top of my mind to write just now. Important bit is that I am doing OK and I thank those close to me, they know who they are, for helping to get me through some difficult times.

Been a busy few months … backward and forward to Kent. Getting a new Personal Assistant for Zoey, losing friends, making new ones, making plans and changing them. Greatest change of late is my gym class activity. Am going several times a week now so, doing quite well. A lot of pain but, where there is no pain, there is no accident … I mean, gain! Am losing some bulk I don’t want and replacing it with some I don’t mind. It would seem I am not as unattractive as I once thought I was. I am not short of admirers suggesting  long term relationships. I have never in my life been in a position where I may some day need to make choices and difficult choices at that between future chances. It is an interesting new road for me. Not a lot apart from the above is top of my mind to write just now. Important bit is that I am doing OK and I thank those close to me, they know who they are, for helping to get me through some difficult times.

This time last year I was having a bit of a tough time. That is quite possibly the understatement of the year. For too many months I was bouncing down there, on the bottom not seeing any light at the end of that tunnel and, to be honest, feeling quite sorry for myself. That was then, this is now. I have some way to go, there could be a sudden downturn again but, right now I am doing good. I feel more positive about life now than I since I don’t know when and this is a good feeling. I got pain, ouch, yes I have but, ‘it’s only pain’ so I can live with that. Anyway, just sharing that with you

This time last year I was having a bit of a tough time. That is quite possibly the understatement of the year. For too many months I was bouncing down there, on the bottom not seeing any light at the end of that tunnel and, to be honest, feeling quite sorry for myself. That was then, this is now. I have some way to go, there could be a sudden downturn again but, right now I am doing good. I feel more positive about life now than I since I don’t know when and this is a good feeling. I got pain, ouch, yes I have but, ‘it’s only pain’ so I can live with that. Anyway, just sharing that with you

I have come to a decision that to keep stalling on the photography front is futile. Yes, if I get paid I will lost benefits but, it doesn’t take away my entitlement just whether I actually receive them or not so, why not just do it?   I have redone the website and, at some point in the not to distant future, I shall start adding some pricings to it

I have come to a decision that to keep stalling on the photography front is futile. Yes, if I get paid I will lost benefits but, it doesn’t take away my entitlement just whether I actually receive them or not so, why not just do it?   I have redone the website and, at some point in the not to distant future, I shall start adding some pricings to it

OK, I got over the depression more or less. I am not cured, the same issues are there but I am just about on top of it with the help of some excellent friends. We are in loads of debt still but, there is a light at the end of it, we will be hopefully back to normal again next month or the one after depending how the spending goes. We’re owed some money so that always helps. The house is nearly always a tip these days so, doesn’t look so much like we have spent a lot on it but, ah well, part of family life I guess. I had planned to be either working by now or well into applications but decided I needed to get myself in a good place first, I don’t want to blow my chances by having to take off sick time soon into a contract. As I am doing this without medication it could take a little while yet. Now, I have a physical issue with my arm. My GP thinks Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, I am not so sure, I thought an RSI but he thinks not. Either way, it’s stupidly painful and I have an appointment...

OK, I got over the depression more or less. I am not cured, the same issues are there but I am just about on top of it with the help of some excellent friends. We are in loads of debt still but, there is a light at the end of it, we will be hopefully back to normal again next month or the one after depending how the spending goes. We’re owed some money so that always helps. The house is nearly always a tip these days so, doesn’t look so much like we have spent a lot on it but, ah well, part of family life I guess. I had planned to be either working by now or well into applications but decided I needed to get myself in a good place first, I don’t want to blow my chances by having to take off sick time soon into a contract. As I am doing this without medication it could take a little while yet. Now, I have a physical issue with my arm. My GP thinks Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, I am not so sure, I thought an RSI but he thinks not. Either way, it’s stupidly painful and I have an appointment...

This subject is so complicated because it comes in degrees and variants. How do we measure loss? As a child, the loss of a goldfish can be devastating yet, as an adult, it’s just a fish. Loss is a personal thing, what may be shrugged off by one is the straw that breaks the camels back for someone else. As a small child I lost my teddy bear. I was in hospital when I was around 5 and another kid took it home with him, no other teddy would do, that was ‘teddy’ and bedtimes were not the same. Moving on and my life was not too bad. Even as a kid though I had valued toys stolen from me, that hurt as it was always by a relative, a cousin and no one seemed to care, it was always better not to rock the boat, not cause a fuss by mentioning anything so I got used to loss with silence and denial. I fell in love at 20, I was a late starter. We were together for 2 years and I loved him deeply. When he literally disappeared from my love it was difficult to get over but, I rationalised it that a pas...

This subject is so complicated because it comes in degrees and variants. How do we measure loss? As a child, the loss of a goldfish can be devastating yet, as an adult, it’s just a fish. Loss is a personal thing, what may be shrugged off by one is the straw that breaks the camels back for someone else. As a small child I lost my teddy bear. I was in hospital when I was around 5 and another kid took it home with him, no other teddy would do, that was ‘teddy’ and bedtimes were not the same. Moving on and my life was not too bad. Even as a kid though I had valued toys stolen from me, that hurt as it was always by a relative, a cousin and no one seemed to care, it was always better not to rock the boat, not cause a fuss by mentioning anything so I got used to loss with silence and denial. I fell in love at 20, I was a late starter. We were together for 2 years and I loved him deeply. When he literally disappeared from my love it was difficult to get over but, I rationalised it that a pas...

Click on the image above to go to my site telling everyone what I’d like my 50th to be about. It’s not just June 4th, it’s all the moments leading up to it as well. It’s important that by June 4th I have a clear idea of who values me, why they do and who doesn’t. It’s actually really important to me as my 50th year, from 2012-2013 has been awful and totally shaken my emotions and trust, I have to rebuild somehow. So, for me, my birthday is my chance to do that, my opportunity to establish who thinks I am important to them and who doesn’t so I can move on with my life as uncomplicated as possible. If that means that some people ‘I’ love and value will have to be removed from my life then, that will be their choice because, it’s only their actions which would make me think that’s what ‘they’ want. This may come across as very dramatic but, after the totally fucked up year I have had where I have all but lost it, ‘I’ NEED to know who my real close friends are, who can I trust? Who thin...

Click on the image above to go to my site telling everyone what I’d like my 50th to be about. It’s not just June 4th, it’s all the moments leading up to it as well. It’s important that by June 4th I have a clear idea of who values me, why they do and who doesn’t. It’s actually really important to me as my 50th year, from 2012-2013 has been awful and totally shaken my emotions and trust, I have to rebuild somehow. So, for me, my birthday is my chance to do that, my opportunity to establish who thinks I am important to them and who doesn’t so I can move on with my life as uncomplicated as possible. If that means that some people ‘I’ love and value will have to be removed from my life then, that will be their choice because, it’s only their actions which would make me think that’s what ‘they’ want. This may come across as very dramatic but, after the totally fucked up year I have had where I have all but lost it, ‘I’ NEED to know who my real close friends are, who can I trust? Who thin...

How does that make me feel? Totally shit as it happens but thank you for asking. I used to enjoy my work, you know, going back and forth each day, keeping the weight off easily through every day exertion, meeting people, doing the right thing. The wages were never amazing but it was enough for my family and no mention of any hand-outs from the state at all. It was good to know benefits existed though because there was a feeling of comfort that if things went wrong, there was a safety net. In the early 90’s I had a breakdown. I was aware I already had two disabled children, it was a struggle to balance caring and work. I had the mental anguish of still needing to hide my sexuality and felt that I was having to do the thinking for an additional 4 people. I was coping until we had a motor accident and then it all fell apart. At that moment, though no one was seriously hurt, I was shown how vulnerable my family was and how little control of that I had. Over the space of a weekend I tota...

How does that make me feel? Totally shit as it happens but thank you for asking. I used to enjoy my work, you know, going back and forth each day, keeping the weight off easily through every day exertion, meeting people, doing the right thing. The wages were never amazing but it was enough for my family and no mention of any hand-outs from the state at all. It was good to know benefits existed though because there was a feeling of comfort that if things went wrong, there was a safety net. In the early 90’s I had a breakdown. I was aware I already had two disabled children, it was a struggle to balance caring and work. I had the mental anguish of still needing to hide my sexuality and felt that I was having to do the thinking for an additional 4 people. I was coping until we had a motor accident and then it all fell apart. At that moment, though no one was seriously hurt, I was shown how vulnerable my family was and how little control of that I had. Over the space of a weekend I tota...

The council are almost finished with what they had planned, just a matter of 3 A4 sheets of things which need to either be completed or redone! We have managed to build a stud wall ourselves me and Sean, went way over budget but, the end result should look good and at least it makes us feel like the house is ours as opposed to just a council house. Still major decorating to do but the end date for that is March 17th so not long now! We’ve put an event on Facebook for anyone who can help between 9th – 17th March. I have clearly done some damage to my arm, maybe using power tools, I don’t know. I do know that it really hurts! Did some night time photography and some slow shutter speed water shots, take a look …. Am enjoying experimenting when I can. Decided further night time photography can wait until it warms up a little!

The council are almost finished with what they had planned, just a matter of 3 A4 sheets of things which need to either be completed or redone! We have managed to build a stud wall ourselves me and Sean, went way over budget but, the end result should look good and at least it makes us feel like the house is ours as opposed to just a council house. Still major decorating to do but the end date for that is March 17th so not long now! We’ve put an event on Facebook for anyone who can help between 9th – 17th March. I have clearly done some damage to my arm, maybe using power tools, I don’t know. I do know that it really hurts! Did some night time photography and some slow shutter speed water shots, take a look …. Am enjoying experimenting when I can. Decided further night time photography can wait until it warms up a little!