Steve from England

Finally it seems to be sinking in to me, I am 'feeling' Christmas! Last night my sleep was crazy. I went to bed a little earlier than I normally do as I was so terribly tired. I don't remember getting into bed and lost a whole 15 minutes before I was unable to sleep for another 2 hours! The Disney Store have wound me up a bit. I ordered some gifts last week. They gave me a two hour delivery slot and didn't turn up. The next day I got an email in the evening to tell me they'd posted my order through the door whilst I was actually in the hallway. Of course, they didn't because it could never fit and so started contacting Disney. Turns out, and I don't believe a word of it, my package never left the depot but they ensure me it'll be here within 48 hours! This evening I also forgot that there is a gift missing for one person because I totally forgot to order it so ... will have to go remedy that one very soon. Been to see two nativity type things and...

What is 'Yuppie Flu'? Here is a web search answer: " There is no virus called Yuppie Flu. It is a name given usually to a disorder called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Conditions usually are called a "Syndrome" when the underlying cause of a cluster of symptoms seen similarly in multiple patients has not been identified yet. This is the case with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. If you don't know what is causing it, you don't know what would prevent it. So, there is currently no prevention." Many don't much like the condition being called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome either because it implies that 'tiredness, albeit severe, is the only symptom and, it isn't. Let me break that down for you because most can barely say it and even if they can, it just doesn't shout out what it is. It is the proper given name to  Chronic Fatigue Syndrome . It is broken down into: Myalgic  is used for muscle pain and/or tenderness. The word  encephalomy...

It is the autumn time of year when all the leaves looked beautiful wonderful colours except for those in my house which get brought in! My last actual post was back in August I think, a long while back. Since then, much has happened. I shall leave some details until later in the year. Thank God Dennis was approved for the mid term visa, it only cost us around £3000 we didn't have, thank you very much Theresa May (who introduced the charge and the increases). My M.E. is just horrible. I know I should be used to it but, I don't think someone ever gets used to it. There is a good argument for getting an electric car because I would need at least as many recharge breaks as it would! This makes me tired all the time to the extent my body actually doesn't seem to know when I am tired or not so sometimes I can go asleep at nights and, more often than not, I can't. I can't work any longer, sometimes in life we just have to be honest and admit that we don...

Yeah, some people on eBay get it ... something is put up for sale with an end date and they get that their role is to buy it, pay for it and collect it. Some people though feel that their role is to buy it and forget it about it for as long as they want, not pay or arrange to collect. Do they go to Tesco, fill up their trolley, take it to the checkout then ask them to hold onto it for a few days whilst they think about it too? Just plain rude in my opinion.

I have been really overdoing things the past week or two and each day is just one big fog after another and it's so frustrating! Thankfully, what I am managing to do is helping and I can always just pass out in a few weeks so, if I suddenly go really quiet everywhere for a while, you know why! Tomorrow I don't have to get up early so have no plans to do so! Today I have had to take the amount of pain killers I usually take and my normal meds have not helped much at all, a sign of overdoing it obviously. Dad is in hospital again but I totally do not have the energy to visit just yet. I have not had any diagnosis yet either so he may just be there waiting to be sent home! They have my number if it turns out to be anything more pressing. Yesterday we went to the cinema, actually, scrub that, it was Tuesday I think, anyway, it was Spider Man and was totally excellent. Just finished watching Jessica Jones, the final season as best as we know. Luke Cage popped in ...

I am heading back here to Blogger. Over the next year I am phasing out all my domain names and will just go totally Google

Look, this M.E./CFS thing doesn't come with choices so that you know. I don't just think to myself that I feel a little sleepy so I'll snuggle in for a nice nap, that doesn't happen. I get to a point, way beyond tiredness during every day when I stop functioning on any sort of normal level. I struggle to make a cup of tea, I can't remember what I am doing, two cups of tea and you'd think it was a Krypton Factor test! I'll start heading to the toilet and forget where I was going and go somewhere else. I'll walk several times toward the kitchen to do a meal and never get there. Quite likely I'll go there to take my meds and totally forget my meds when I get there ... at least I can tell now when I have forgotten them! When I go for a nap it is because I just as well be comfortable, not sleeping isn't an option. It's not like I wake up feeling refreshed, I don't but I am able to function a little more than before for a while un...

Is it safe to have sex with someone who is HIV+? It can be, it is certainly totally OK to have a relationship with them and love them totally. It has to be remembered that everyone who is HIV+ got that way because they didn't take precautions. Sure, some just didn't care, they fucked whoever they wanted to hell with the consequences, that's a reality, both men and women. I've never told anyone this before but, the very first time a guy fucked me (when I was drunk and sleeping), he didn't use anything. He didn't know his status, he didn't care what his status was. By the time I was aware what was happening it was too late. Truth is, I was raped yet I did nothing about it because he was my friend, I trusted him and I was stupidly naive. I did get myself tested and I was OK but, he didn't know that, he didn't care. I could easily have been HIV+ myself now because I trusted someone. I was later in another relationship, it was an open relationsh...

I remember there was a TV programme about helping the police catch criminals. At the end the presenter would always say 'Don't have nightmares'. The explanation was simple ... Just because we know there is bad in the world it doesn't mean the world is bad. The World is basically a good place full of good people. Sadly, too many of those good people are led by powerful people desperate to hold on to their power whether they be dictators or religious leaders. Too many (mainly men) demanding obedience (or else). In 17 US States it is legal to marry off underage girls, no lower age limit if they are pregnant. So against the threat posed by their church are the parisherners that they would rather marry their daughter to her rapist than to bring a bastard into the world. I saw a guy interviewed who got a 14 year old pregnant when he was 24. He said he was no pedophile because pedophiles went for like, children, under 10. Translation of that is, any girl over the age of 11 is ...

What is luck? Of late it is tempting for me to believe I have been really rather unlucky. I have a mountain of debt, my health is awful. I can't work, most days I barely function, these things are all true. If I wanted to I have enough things I could highlight to demonstrate that the world hates me but ... does it? My mum would argue that she had arthritis because she had the strength to cope with it and if her having it meant other less strong people didn't have to, then it was OK. That's a way of thinking about it for sure. Some would claim that eventually Karma will recognise all the good I have done and luck will head my way because life has to balance out the good and the bad ... yeah, that's another viewpoint! Again, some might say that "we make our own luck". A valid point to be sure but, hmmm, not quite sure that's how it works either. My thought is that I am what I am. What I am makes me who I am and what I do with that is up to me. "I love y...

Learn Something Today Whilst I do have an invisible illness this is not just about me. So many people have an illness we can't see and most of them share the same experiences in their lives. Short lived sympathy, well meant encouragement and disbelief. This is true for so many ... including me I think we have all done it, we've been either sick or healthy ourselves then seen someone who isn't working, perhaps claiming financial support and we're like .... yeah right, looks like they're ill! No one intends to be mean about it but, we just don't think. I know I have been guilty of it myself and I should know better and, this is why ... My Mum! Mum had chronic arthritis. I had many stern comments to say to people on trains who left her standing whilst they sat in the disabled seat but mum was in constant agonising pain every day for the last 20 years or so of her life. I have lived knowing what invisible illness looks like so, yes, I should know better. One of the ...

Let's get this totally clear ... we already know where we have been in life but we certainly don't know where our life is heading. The trouble here is, we spend so much time worrying about where we are going we tend to forget where we have been. When we choose to remember we then tend to cloud it with our negativity to where we think we might be going. We focus on the bad things which have happened in our life as though that is somehow the sum of our lives this far ... is it really? We may have an ex we would rather forget but, does that mean we have to forget all the good times we had with them? Perhaps someone died and it hurts so we try not to think about them but ... that thinking is what makes our love for them real, what keeps the memories alive. Some people go as far as to use their bad experiences as an excuse for why their life is going to be bad. Hey, you choose your path now, no one else is in the driving seat. Only if you allow the bad memories to dominate can they ...

I was just listening to the radio and they were discussing the human ability to lie to ourselves, to honestly believe we are honourable people who never lie yet continually have one part of ourselves convince another part of something which is actually untrue. How many of us are shocked when we see a picture of ourselves? This is because when we look in a mirror we have already convinced ourselves what we look like so, more or less, that's what we see. In those nano seconds before getting the image we already converted it. In the picture we seldom get that warning and see the reality which can come as quite a shock! How about our voice? Isn't it amazing how often you hear your own voice and barely recognise yourself or even go as far as to blame the equipment for in incorrect capture of our voice? Both these examples are the same thing, the perception we have of ourselves are the one we have convinced ourselves to be true. Reality often comes as quite a shock. Whether that is p...

Depression is something so many people do not comprehend. Truth be known, many who suffer from it don't understand it either. Every Invisible illnesses such as depression is hard to appreciate for anyone who has not suffered. It is too easy to dismiss them as trivial or laziness because, people identify with what they see, not what they don't Possibly we are programmed to automatically reject such things as weakness in a society still comparatively young in an evolutionary sense. Many suffering with mental health conditions will certainly tell you that they feel very weak whilst suffering as though they are letting the side down. Rarely does someone fully embrace a family member, colleague or friend and treat them how they need to be treated. Sadly, 'pull yourself together' is still a thing. Trust me, if pulling themselves together was a thing they would do it instantly. Why would anyone want to feel they are worthless, that their life is devoid of meaning? Everyone who...

Imaginative chef wanted to do the menu planning and cooking for one not overly fussy person who must cut out everything which will increase cholesterol and also anything which will provoke the onset of diabetes and promote rapid but healthy weight loss with minimal exercise. Salary negotiable as long as you don't need one, can accommodate Apply in writing to, who the hell I you kidding at no chance avenue, on your bike up the creek ... oh well, worth asking I guess! but seriously, my head is in a spin trying to sort it all out and tonight I just allowed myself a last binge of unhealthy stuff for the hell of it

Sure, I have some health issues but, I have not let anything beat me my entire life and I am in no mood to let it yet! I've a couple of interviews lined up already and my aim is to be fully employed and earning by next month (end of) which I have convinced myself is possible. As we failed in the process of becoming foster parents because Dennis doesn't yet have the right UK status I decided to try another route at helping to raise kids in need so, whilst it isn't all I am going for by a long way, it is on the list ... go me ... yay!