Steve from England

4 Hours out of my life and what a waste of time. OK, not entirely a waste of time but any gains were coincidental. I was invited to go along to a meeting at 3pm, the meeting started at 3:50! The section 2 expires for Zoey at midnight on Tuesday so you’d think the professionals would be in a mad panic to work out what is happening next but, no, not one of them came to the meeting today with any clue what is going to happen next week. How is this for logic: They cannot lawfully keep her there as of midnight Tuesday, that’s not possible because there is no section 2. They cannot issue a section 3 without having a game plan on what services to provide, they know this. The services she needs cannot be provided to an adequate level where she is, they know that too. They want her in a LD unit in Kettering except, that is unsuitable because it is all male at the moment and all have challenging behaviour incompatible with Zoey’s best care. Even so, the LD Psychiatrist today said that a bed ...

I become more convinced each time I explore the actions at the Berrywood Hospital that their actions are negligent to the point of abuse. They are ignoring the plan they were given by the LD team making statements that no one tells them how to run their wards! That statement from someone who is not LD trained, on the day in question, neither was any other staff member LD trained. Zoey is being left not monitored for over an hour at a time. Her bed is soiled but no one is changing it. She’s been diagnosed with a urine infection but because she is refusing antibiotics, this remains untreated, she is sectioned remember. Under a section 2 order someone can be medicated against their will except in extreme cases such as ECT. There is no reason on this planet why Zoey is not having her infection cured other than negligence. When I asked the head nurse the other day whether they were being slow in offering treatment in the hope that Zoey would be moved elsewhere she replied that she believ...

Last night, being alone in my house, I thought I’d say some prayers out loud, I mean, normal conversation loud rather than those late at night whispers. I’m not stupid, I just asked for life to go a little easier on me, allow something good to happen without the hell to over compensate for it. Feeling pleased with myself that I felt comfortable praying out loud I sat down to watch TV and realised I couldn’t focus on it at all. Then I realised I actually could barely see the TV! So, first signs of a migraine, great! Managed to control that with medication. Today, cooking dinner, couldn’t smell the wonder aroma of a Sunday Roast at all so went down to investigate, the oven wasn’t working! Thankfully, we have a top over, a fraction of the size but it still works so, dinner is getting cooked now. Am just wondering, I mean, I didn’t even ask for a sign that anyone was listening, I just trusted. Is the answer really that I am meant to always have to work so much harder than anyone else...

At least for a while. There is only so much I am able to take and whilst Zoey is somewhere she is being looked after, I don’t need to go there to be abused, I am taking a short break. Quote from Zoey: "fuck off and leave me alone you bastard" ... She said quite a bit before that but this was after I was explaining they were going to start making her get better there. Trying to let her know that we love her dearly and actually don’t have much say in anything any longer. All I could do was let her know she’s loved and I can’t do anything more to get involved in her care, it’s up to the professionals now. If there is anything positive it is that they finally got to comprehend the level of comprehension and communication skills Zoey has. They can’t pretend she just doesn’t understand any longer. I got the distinct impression I’ve been taken out of the loop. They don’t have to consult me so they won’t sort of thing. An advocate is being brought in now too, seems my opinions...

The situation with Zoey doesn’t look to be resolving any time soon. I have to stop burying my head in the sand and hoping it will all go away and life will get back to normal. I’ve got to face my worst case scenario. Zoey isn’t coming back and Sean & Daisy may well be moving out. Annoyingly, I didn’t quite clear all my debts yet, stupidly close and, if things don’t change it’ll be fine but, things have changed and most likely will change more. Zoey’s benefits stop on October 4th, that is in just a week and a few days time. Once that happens, all is not lost but I am struggling. I’ve switched my Caring role onto Robin as he says he needs me about but, doing that has cost Robin £40 a week, I need to make that up to him, he might say not to worry about it but that isn’t good enough. ‘I’ need to sort that. By the end of October the car gets cancelled too. I am trying to remain positive whilst being realistic too. I could wait it out, Zoey might get better this side of Christmas and...

I am told Zoey is showing signs of improvement. She is eating more, she is … well, I am not entirely sure what else precisely it is she is doing above and beyond that. She is barely drinking and her blood pressure is constantly low. She is in effectively a nappy (diaper) now because she’s decided she doesn’t much want to use the toilet any longer. She is still screaming at people and being violent when it suits her. Most of this I know from what I am told. Just about every time I am there I get virtually nothing and, why do I get virtually nothing? Because of ‘Susan’. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a nurse and probably a really good one. She’s been doing her job for many years and, so I am told, does manage to get Zoey to do things. The thing is, whenever I am visiting I don’t get to spend any time with Zoey without this woman being involved like she’s family. Every time I try and talk to Zoey she’s listening and comments when she feels the need. I am using my years of experience with my...

After my causing a huge fuss on Tuesday Zoey was finally moved to Berrywood Hospital in Duston. She stayed over night in Harbour Ward for assessment but tonight she moved over to Bay Ward to start the much needed treatment phase. I have zero idea what that entails at this stage, communication is a little patchy so I need to find out who I should be contacting for updates. To the best of my knowledge she is eating, not sure how consistently but she’s eating and occasionally drinking too. Am totally unsure if she’s using the toilet as she should be yet though. She’s had two visits today, this morning from Me and Daisy and this evening from Matt & Anne. Both those visits were good ones where Zoey was laughing and smiling. They are more strict here, it’s not a case of just wandering in so, if someone wishes to visit, please let me know and I’ll give details, make sure someone else isn’t already visiting then as they have a strict 3 visitor maximum. If anyone wants to take under 18...

We decided to take the boys back to see Auntie Zoey this morning, they were looking forward to it. She gave them an initial hug but said nothing. A quick smile and that was that. We spent 40+ minutes with her during which she didn’t engage at all. She responded to her name, knew we were talking to her but didn’t vocalise at all. We eventually left and Danny was crying because Auntie Zoey wouldn’t speak to them. They’ve also learnt that not eating and drinking leads to death and both the boys were really concerned that Zoey still refuses food and water. In short, both me and Daisy felt stupidly guilty for taking them, I think we both knew it would be a risk but had to try it. We were called yesterday and ‘maybe’ a placement has been found for Zoey at Berrywood which is not so far from here, just under 2 miles. ‘If’ she goes there then it will be on Monday. I really don’t have much confidence in the system at this stage. Had a lovely chat with Dennis. For oily skin try this Site ...

I thought that my ability to cope was second to none. You know, yeah, shit happens but it doesn’t phase me, I’m good me. Earlier on, this woman visits, a nurse type, quite nice and she’s here an hour or so talking about what her and her team are going to do for Zoey and it’s all good. Then she starts going on about how we’re coping, how difficult it must be, how we really need support at this really difficult time and I’m thinking … Eh? No, I’m good thanks, I don’t need anything, I am dealing with this shit, this is water off a ducks back to me, autopilot stuff. So, she left but then I started thinking and remembered that thinking isn’t what we do when we’re in this situation, thinking is bad. But, I allowed myself to think for just long enough to start wondering if I was coping OK and, it was a little scary when I realised that … Despite my outward appearance (I think) of dealing with this all rather well, I might actually, just possibly, be doing a hell of a lot of internal screami...

If at all possible, could you maybe send around £75,000 my way. This would no solve all my problems but it would make my future very happy indeed. Of course, should you, dear Lottery, see fit for a few £million then, I could use that very sensibly and generously. You see, I know a few people both in the UK and elsewhere whose lives would be changed completely by not a lot of money sent their way. So, if you could possibly, just swing some cash like that my way, I would be most ever so grateful.

I am going to compress this as much as I can. Over the last few days I have been pestering rather a lot of people to get off their fence and do something for Zoey. I’ve had Health, Social Service and Mental Health all stepping backward trying not to step up and take control. As a consequence of that, Zoey has received only observational care. No way am I knocking what has been done for her on the ward but their hands have been tied. Without any legal back up all they could do was observe and watch Zoey get steadily worse. I kind of blew a mini gasket earlier and insisted that I’d not allow matters to go one more day. If they didn’t do something today I would be raising at the very least, a complaint of neglect of duty. After nearly an entire day of waiting around with Matt we finally got the decision that Zoey was sectioned under section 2. That means they can now do what they need to do in Zoey’s best interests. By the time we left they were querying whether or not Zoey might be s...

Repeated on Facebook At the moment, some of you might have noticed, we're going through a difficult time. Life is about difficult times too. What happens when a family goes through a tough time is one of two things, they blow apart or they stick ever closer together. I am so incredibly proud of how my family has stuck together. I honestly believe that we are all the stronger for the tough times we share and it helps us appreciate the good times. For me, also, it means a lot, I mean, deep down a lot, to have my extended family in the Philippines. Dennis and his family and friends. His mum writes me quite a lot and I know they say prayer there too. Over here and around the world I have friends saying prayers all over the place, Steve & Rosie down in Kent, Jonny over in NYC, Daniel in Atlanta. Those who don't have a faith are still talking to something or someone asking for help even the total non believers. What will be will be. I have to trust that this works out even i...

Zoey is my third child, now 24 years old. She was the one we had to cushion Matt from the responsibility of having to care for his older brother, Jermaine. We were not to know then that Zoey would have special needs all of her own. Thankfully she is officially moderate needs which has meant there have been no health worries in particular but that she had significant developmental delay. ‘Delay’ is rather inaccurate as it implies there will be catch up eventually, this is not the case, she is what she is. To get a better idea, her academic level perhaps reaches that of a 5 year old. She can come across as quite normal but, put any 5 year old in an adults body and they can come across as grown ups for a short time at least. For the majority of her life Zoey has been no real issue. True, I may compare this to Jermaine who most certainly was a lot of trouble but, on the whole, she’s been very manageable albeit it is still quite difficult having a constant 5 year old around. She’s nev...