Steve from England

Mad dash to Milton Keynes this morning as we were all in the mood for some meatballs from Ikea and lovely they were too. This afternoon James came over, first time he's seen Josh since 16th October. He called asking to see him yesterday. Being a bit of a busy day today, well, this afternoon for sure, she suggested he came over about 3 until 5 (ish). He turned up at 3 and stayed until 4:50 though, the (ish) part meant he could stay until at least 5pm. There were no apologies for the wishes of death upon us, the insults to Deej, the statement on Facebook that he'd kill me himself for want of a gun, none of that. But, apart from that and a few minor niggles, all seemed well. Third hand news though, apparently, how true this is I don't know, he's written on Facebook that he was given no privacy whilst he was here. He spent the entire time in Josh's room. Daisy and Sean were in their bedroom where they would normally be that time of day, Deej was only here part of the ti...

Mad dash to Milton Keynes this morning as we were all in the mood for some meatballs from Ikea and lovely they were too. This afternoon James came over, first time he's seen Josh since 16th October. He called asking to see him yesterday. Being a bit of a busy day today, well, this afternoon for sure, she suggested he came over about 3 until 5 (ish). He turned up at 3 and stayed until 4:50 though, the (ish) part meant he could stay until at least 5pm. There were no apologies for the wishes of death upon us, the insults to Deej, the statement on Facebook that he'd kill me himself for want of a gun, none of that. But, apart from that and a few minor niggles, all seemed well. Third hand news though, apparently, how true this is I don't know, he's written on Facebook that he was given no privacy whilst he was here. He spent the entire time in Josh's room. Daisy and Sean were in their bedroom where they would normally be that time of day, Deej was only here part o...

New Look Daisy and I had our hair done today ... cost a fortune, hope it is liked as much by others as it is by us! Daisy's new look with Sean & Joshua I have never been so knackered afer a visit to the hairdressers ... we went in at 11:00 and came out again at 16:30! Managed to speak to James social worker earlier ... he is under the impression, from James, we have denied James access to Josh ... if you've read before, you'll know that is not the case. I imagine he'll put James straight soon and, in the near future I can report that James has contacted us to arrange a visit.

New Look Daisy and I had our hair done today ... cost a fortune, hope it is liked as much by others as it is by us! Daisy's new look with Sean & Joshua I have never been so knackered afer a visit to the hairdressers ... we went in at 11:00 and came out again at 16:30! Managed to speak to James social worker earlier ... he is under the impression, from James, we have denied James access to Josh ... if you've read before, you'll know that is not the case. I imagine he'll put James straight soon and, in the near future I can report that James has contacted us to arrange a visit.

Neither Daisy or myself stopped James seeing Josh, in fact, we are still not stopping him ... he has made no attempt to see him at all in over a week now. It was not my idea to go to court, I spent an age trying to prevent it. What James had was the following and. he knows damn well this is the truth so let's have no more of his damn lies ... He was able to visit any time. He could stay over if he wanted (and did both of those things) We were working to him being able to cope with Josh at his place as soon as Christmas but he said he still couldn't. He accepted our hospitality and paid nothing for it He ate here and drank here, used our Xbox and internet connection and my mobile whenever he wanted to He has paid a total, an absolute total of £10 toward the cost of his son, he still owes me nearly £70 for two items he bought for Josh. When he met Chrlsea and it got serious the week Josh was born he devoted his interests to her and away from Josh He was meant to go to Kent with u...

Neither Daisy or myself stopped James seeing Josh, in fact, we are still not stopping him ... he has made no attempt to see him at all in over a week now. It was not my idea to go to court, I spent an age trying to prevent it. What James had was the following and. he knows damn well this is the truth so let's have no more of his damn lies ... He was able to visit any time. He could stay over if he wanted (and did both of those things) We were working to him being able to cope with Josh at his place as soon as Christmas but he said he still couldn't. He accepted our hospitality and paid nothing for it He ate here and drank here, used our Xbox and internet connection and my mobile whenever he wanted to He has paid a total, an absolute total of £10 toward the cost of his son, he still owes me nearly £70 for two items he bought for Josh. When he met Chrlsea and it got serious the week Josh was born he devoted his interests to her and away from Josh He was meant to go...

Josh It is very difficult to describe becoming a grandparent. In some ways, not a lot different to becoming a parent except, the pressure to prove is not there. The fear isn't there ... OK, not true. Many of the same fears are there, the health issues, cot death to name but some. What isn't there is the fear of whether I will know what to do or not, I just do and, if I am not totally right or, even, quite off the mark about it, I don't panic because I do know when to worry, and when not to. By the time our kids have kids there is little point worrying too much whether we did a good enough job or not as parents, we already know that and it's way too late to change anything now anyway. In my case, no, I know I didn't do a good enough job. I am not sure, had I recognised when I was going wrong, I could have changed anything, I really just don't know. Should it have been obvious to me that the rosy image I had of my family was not quite so rosy? Well, yes, it shoul...

Josh It is very difficult to describe becoming a grandparent. In some ways, not a lot different to becoming a parent except, the pressure to prove is not there. The fear isn't there ... OK, not true. Many of the same fears are there, the health issues, cot death to name but some. What isn't there is the fear of whether I will know what to do or not, I just do and, if I am not totally right or, even, quite off the mark about it, I don't panic because I do know when to worry, and when not to. By the time our kids have kids there is little point worrying too much whether we did a good enough job or not as parents, we already know that and it's way too late to change anything now anyway. In my case, no, I know I didn't do a good enough job. I am not sure, had I recognised when I was going wrong, I could have changed anything, I really just don't know. Should it have been obvious to me that the rosy image I had of my family was not quite so rosy? Well, yes, it s...

Someone said to me recently, actually, 'someone' would be James Davies. That I did nothing for him, didn't try to help him in any way, am just a prick. Well, since he walked out on this family and his son I have had a chance to recall some of the things I 'did' do for him even though many, I am sorry to say, were misguided and based upon his lies. Because he said he was in trouble and had no where else to go, I drove 260 miles down to Folkestone to pick him up. I brought him into my home, I fed him, clothed him and loved him as a member of this family I paid for him to go on holiday with us to France I bought him his glasses I allowed him to repay me some of what he owed by effectively NOT paying me any rent for several weeks, in short, he never repaid me at all. When he was ill I sat with him day and night I took him to the hospital with his panic attacks I drove him to visit his mother in Folkestone more than once I moved our office not once but twice costing me m...

Someone said to me recently, actually, 'someone' would be James Davies. That I did nothing for him, didn't try to help him in any way, am just a prick. Well, since he walked out on this family and his son I have had a chance to recall some of the things I 'did' do for him even though many, I am sorry to say, were misguided and based upon his lies. Because he said he was in trouble and had no where else to go, I drove 260 miles down to Folkestone to pick him up. I brought him into my home, I fed him, clothed him and loved him as a member of this family I paid for him to go on holiday with us to France I bought him his glasses I allowed him to repay me some of what he owed by effectively NOT paying me any rent for several weeks, in short, he never repaid me at all. When he was ill I sat with him day and night I took him to the hospital with his panic attacks I drove him to visit his mother in Folkestone more than once I moved our office not once but twice ...

Much of today was spent on the phone getting legal advice about the future, about residency and access, that sort of thing. If we are lucky, it should all be sorted by March and we can all get back to normal. Shame it takes so long to process but there has to be the solicitors writing letters, the caffcass people doing their assessments for the court, all the history to go into, interviews ... hell, loads of stuff which was totally avoidable but which now, we just have to get on with. Not a lot shall be happening this side of Christmas so at least we can make plans knowing for sure now who is involved and, probably more important, who isn't. What we are doing now is probably what we should have done back in May or whenever it was that Daisy split from James, leaving it to the experts. Daisy will have her legal team and James will have whoever he has. We'll go to the social services meeting but Daisy's actions will be governed by her lawyer not anything that James, social s...

Much of today was spent on the phone getting legal advice about the future, about residency and access, that sort of thing. If we are lucky, it should all be sorted by March and we can all get back to normal. Shame it takes so long to process but there has to be the solicitors writing letters, the caffcass people doing their assessments for the court, all the history to go into, interviews ... hell, loads of stuff which was totally avoidable but which now, we just have to get on with. Not a lot shall be happening this side of Christmas so at least we can make plans knowing for sure now who is involved and, probably more important, who isn't. What we are doing now is probably what we should have done back in May or whenever it was that Daisy split from James, leaving it to the experts. Daisy will have her legal team and James will have whoever he has. We'll go to the social services meeting but Daisy's actions will be governed by her lawyer not anything that James, social s...

It appears we now have to go down the legal route with James. He claims we have done nothing to help him and has asked me to ... OK, I quote: "you are such a little prick your worth shit you are shit you are The lowest of lowes.. a bum y0ou need to go kill ya self or summat get out of this shit life you got with ya fucked up family " So, anyway, the official route it is. If anyone can see what he has to gain from this, do let me know because, to me, he's just shot himself in the foot or cut off his nose to spite his face

It appears we now have to go down the legal route with James. He claims we have done nothing to help him and has asked me to ... OK, I quote: "you are such a little prick your worth shit you are shit you are The lowest of lowes.. a bum y0ou need to go kill ya self or summat get out of this shit life you got with ya fucked up family " So, anyway, the official route it is. If anyone can see what he has to gain from this, do let me know because, to me, he's just shot himself in the foot or cut off his nose to spite his face

Am not sure I like 'Quiet', not at home anyway. It feels rather 'useless'. As I travel through life I, like many others must surely do, as myself "What is this all about?" The truth, I suppose, is that we probably won't ever know for sure. It could be some deep and meaningful enlightenment, some learning process or, indeed, we could be here for no purpose at all, we just 'are'. Perhaps many have decided, like me, that if there is a possibility that we are here for no greater good, no purpose, that we just have to change that, be our own rule book effectively, our own judge on whether or not we consider ourselves to justify our continued existence on this planet. I have not yet got my personal balance right. I spend too much time on the part of my life dedicated to helping others, not enough time on my own needs, indeed, I feel real guilt if I do something just for me. Even worse is when someone does something for me. It is so rare that this happens...

Am not sure I like 'Quiet', not at home anyway. It feels rather 'useless'. As I travel through life I, like many others must surely do, as myself "What is this all about?" The truth, I suppose, is that we probably won't ever know for sure. It could be some deep and meaningful enlightenment, some learning process or, indeed, we could be here for no purpose at all, we just 'are'. Perhaps many have decided, like me, that if there is a possibility that we are here for no greater good, no purpose, that we just have to change that, be our own rule book effectively, our own judge on whether or not we consider ourselves to justify our continued existence on this planet. I have not yet got my personal balance right. I spend too much time on the part of my life dedicated to helping others, not enough time on my own needs, indeed, I feel real guilt if I do something just for me. Even worse is when someone does something for me. It is so rare that this happens...

I found out something this evening which may well change everything, my entire attitude toward one individual to the extent that, quite possibly, and I am still not certain, the era of cooperation is over. Some weeks ago, someone was entrusted with some information and it was made clear, totally clear, with no shadow of doubt, that this information was to be kept secret. Under no circumstances was it to be shared with anyone at all and, if it were, the consequences would be rapid and dire for all concerned. Well, it turns out that they could not keep their mouth shut, that despite the warnings they had to go tell people anyway. How so fooking stupid can some people be? Why can they not see and accept that some things have to be kept secret and honour their agreement? I am, for obvious reasons, not going into what the subject matter is, effectively, the thing in question is now totally resolved. But, it is one of those things where certain individuals would argue, no smoke without fire...

I found out something this evening which may well change everything, my entire attitude toward one individual to the extent that, quite possibly, and I am still not certain, the era of cooperation is over. Some weeks ago, someone was entrusted with some information and it was made clear, totally clear, with no shadow of doubt, that this information was to be kept secret. Under no circumstances was it to be shared with anyone at all and, if it were, the consequences would be rapid and dire for all concerned. Well, it turns out that they could not keep their mouth shut, that despite the warnings they had to go tell people anyway. How so fooking stupid can some people be? Why can they not see and accept that some things have to be kept secret and honour their agreement? I am, for obvious reasons, not going into what the subject matter is, effectively, the thing in question is now totally resolved. But, it is one of those things where certain individuals would argue, no smoke without fire...

I am really REALLY tired! Today I have been on the go since ... yesterday with one thing and another. One thing I am pleased about is deciding to talk direct with James mum. Quite possibly this was a positive thing to have done, I hope she also got something from it and perhaps has a better understanding of the way I work and think. I really hate it when people presume I am a certain type of person before they have got to know me. We almost had a bad misunderstanding earlier over Joshua's birth registration. I am glad there was some intervention (divine? who knows?) to sort out that one before it became an issue. I do wish though that James could accept the situation as it currently stands ... Sean is here, he lives here and it would be stupid for him not to do things to help out with Joshua who he has become very attached to. Its unfair then for James to get uppity about this and threaten that it is so not going to happen. James, please, from Joshua's point of view there is no...

I am really REALLY tired! Today I have been on the go since ... yesterday with one thing and another. One thing I am pleased about is deciding to talk direct with James mum. Quite possibly this was a positive thing to have done, I hope she also got something from it and perhaps has a better understanding of the way I work and think. I really hate it when people presume I am a certain type of person before they have got to know me. We almost had a bad misunderstanding earlier over Joshua's birth registration. I am glad there was some intervention (divine? who knows?) to sort out that one before it became an issue. I do wish though that James could accept the situation as it currently stands ... Sean is here, he lives here and it would be stupid for him not to do things to help out with Joshua who he has become very attached to. Its unfair then for James to get uppity about this and threaten that it is so not going to happen. James, please, from Joshua's point of view there is no...

It was lovely to see our friends at the weekend down in Kent. Shame they had to shoot off but we can't help what they had arranged for weeks, it was great all the same even for one evening. Josh was taken to the beach at Whitstable on Saturday, he slept! This is not, of course, unusual, he is only two weeks old. Only a little surprising because of the strong wind at the time. What was nice was to get away from the stresses of home. Not that these are great, in fact, many of them are almost welcome such as having friends pop in, kids over for the weekend, that sort of thing, but, it is also nice just to get away and not 'have' to do anything. Very good to see Sean and Daisy so good together and Sean seems to be bonding really well to Josh. That takes nothing away from James, he'll always be Josh's dad but it does add something to Josh's life, an extra person to love him and we can all do with as many of those that we can find, he's a very lucky little boy. O...

It was lovely to see our friends at the weekend down in Kent. Shame they had to shoot off but we can't help what they had arranged for weeks, it was great all the same even for one evening. Josh was taken to the beach at Whitstable on Saturday, he slept! This is not, of course, unusual, he is only two weeks old. Only a little surprising because of the strong wind at the time. What was nice was to get away from the stresses of home. Not that these are great, in fact, many of them are almost welcome such as having friends pop in, kids over for the weekend, that sort of thing, but, it is also nice just to get away and not 'have' to do anything. Very good to see Sean and Daisy so good together and Sean seems to be bonding really well to Josh. That takes nothing away from James, he'll always be Josh's dad but it does add something to Josh's life, an extra person to love him and we can all do with as many of those that we can find, he's a very lucky little boy. O...

Week one went well, a few ripples of problems but nothing we could not deal with ... this week, this second week though, it feels different. It feels like, for some, the novelty has worn off a little. That they are moving on to things far less important, far more temporary and steeping back from the future. 22nd October seems painfully close, too close for comfort and yet, I have an all too familiar feeling that it is being ignored, like, it doesn't matter what may or may not have been agreed, that things can carry on 'as is' regardless. Well, it isn't up to me. I am, as it happens, becoming weary of mediating, of keeping things going and pulling something out of the hat to allow this situation we are in to work. It is, very much so, tiring. Should I continue to take a part if it appears that not everyone involved is taking their own role seriously? Would it be better to allow things to just 'happen'? Maybe let people more directly involved make choices and step...

Week one went well, a few ripples of problems but nothing we could not deal with ... this week, this second week though, it feels different. It feels like, for some, the novelty has worn off a little. That they are moving on to things far less important, far more temporary and steeping back from the future. 22nd October seems painfully close, too close for comfort and yet, I have an all too familiar feeling that it is being ignored, like, it doesn't matter what may or may not have been agreed, that things can carry on 'as is' regardless. Well, it isn't up to me. I am, as it happens, becoming weary of mediating, of keeping things going and pulling something out of the hat to allow this situation we are in to work. It is, very much so, tiring. Should I continue to take a part if it appears that not everyone involved is taking their own role seriously? Would it be better to allow things to just 'happen'? Maybe let people more directly involved make choices and step...