Steve from England

Look, this is how it is. What is it now? 8 months? Well, anyway, since October last year. You know, 'The James thing'. Summary ... he lied and manipulated to get here in the first place. Don't get me wrong, James has the potential to be an amazing guy, I am convinced that he is an amazing person but his inability to trust has ruined everything. I have worked harder to make things work for him than I have worked for anyone. I wanted to help him, I wanted, once I found out, to make it work for him and Daisy. Once I found out they were expecting a baby I tried to help him be a great dad but, he had a different agenda. James is so used to getting his own way and 'his' way that he couldn't see that he could have what he wanted, everything he wanted just by waiting and being calm, enjoying life. He chose, instead, to be try for the quick route. It is what he does. Everything which could be tried has been tried. Every compromise given. He has left so many times, offere...

Look, this is how it is. What is it now? 8 months? Well, anyway, since October last year. You know, 'The James thing'. Summary ... he lied and manipulated to get here in the first place. Don't get me wrong, James has the potential to be an amazing guy, I am convinced that he is an amazing person but his inability to trust has ruined everything. I have worked harder to make things work for him than I have worked for anyone. I wanted to help him, I wanted, once I found out, to make it work for him and Daisy. Once I found out they were expecting a baby I tried to help him be a great dad but, he had a different agenda. James is so used to getting his own way and 'his' way that he couldn't see that he could have what he wanted, everything he wanted just by waiting and being calm, enjoying life. He chose, instead, to be try for the quick route. It is what he does. Everything which could be tried has been tried. Every compromise given. He has left so many times, offere...

I do, quite clearly. Of course, I was virtually Jonny no mates. I did have friends, there was Paul and Garry and Dave and some guy who I can't even remember now but used to go drinking with whenever we could get away with it. Strange really, I was 5' nothing and still got served OK in pubs. I guess they figured anyone as diddy as me with the nerve to order booze must be old enough. I remember other boys at school had girlfriends and my thinking how amazing it must be to have a girlfriend but yet, totally convinced there was no one out there who would be interested in me. I probably missed the many signs to the contrary I was that naive. There were several occasions where adults would talk to me like an adult and I would answer like a kid and then kick myself later when I realised they were actually expecting an adult answer, which I could have given them, had I only accepted they were actually speaking to me as an equal. Wasn't that just one of the big issues with being 16...

I do, quite clearly. Of course, I was virtually Jonny no mates. I did have friends, there was Paul and Garry and Dave and some guy who I can't even remember now but used to go drinking with whenever we could get away with it. Strange really, I was 5' nothing and still got served OK in pubs. I guess they figured anyone as diddy as me with the nerve to order booze must be old enough. I remember other boys at school had girlfriends and my thinking how amazing it must be to have a girlfriend but yet, totally convinced there was no one out there who would be interested in me. I probably missed the many signs to the contrary I was that naive. There were several occasions where adults would talk to me like an adult and I would answer like a kid and then kick myself later when I realised they were actually expecting an adult answer, which I could have given them, had I only accepted they were actually speaking to me as an equal. Wasn't that just one of the big issues with being 16...

Some may think my current thinking is a little 'screwy' to say the least. On the face of it I am seemingly doing a total u-turn on previous decisions. Thing is, as a parent and as a person, I am always learning and adapting and, more often than not, playing catch up. As I see it, difficult and, frankly, humiliating as it is, I or, 'we' as Deej too is in on this, have to do what is right by our kids. Right now, Daisy being vulnerable is not healthy for her or the baby. She needs to feel safe and secure. I'll be honest, we were not expecting that our offer would be accepted. We are glad that it has been but are also afraid that the agreement is not 100%. You see, it needs to be 100% else it cannot work. Either both Daisy and James are committed to his living here until they are ready or it will fail. There cannot, as far as I can see, be any compromises on it. The time for compromise is over. Now they need to make a decision and stick to it like their future depends o...

Some may think my current thinking is a little 'screwy' to say the least. On the face of it I am seemingly doing a total u-turn on previous decisions. Thing is, as a parent and as a person, I am always learning and adapting and, more often than not, playing catch up. As I see it, difficult and, frankly, humiliating as it is, I or, 'we' as Deej too is in on this, have to do what is right by our kids. Right now, Daisy being vulnerable is not healthy for her or the baby. She needs to feel safe and secure. I'll be honest, we were not expecting that our offer would be accepted. We are glad that it has been but are also afraid that the agreement is not 100%. You see, it needs to be 100% else it cannot work. Either both Daisy and James are committed to his living here until they are ready or it will fail. There cannot, as far as I can see, be any compromises on it. The time for compromise is over. Now they need to make a decision and stick to it like their future depends o...

Erm, wow!

Erm, wow!

Daisy is back. She is trying to find a way her and James can be together and I am supporting her as a long term plan. I have no idea yet what she's gonna come up with but I am sure she'll make the right decision My long term plan is still that she and James shall one day be together as a loving family with the baby, careers, the normal sort of thing. I do know, for sure, that James has a lot of work to do before Christmas ... yes, I just mentioned the 'C' word as that will be the first big family occasion after the baby comes along. Gonna go cook a really yummy dinner with Daisy now ... tomorrow we are off to see the new Star Trek movie As an update on me ... they would not check my throat today, I need to see a GP, get them to write and go that way, stupid by 'rules' Had my ears cleaned out, I can now hear in my right ear again. I also had some new moulds taken so my hearing aids should be fully repaired in a few weeks and, already, no whistling. :-)

Daisy is back. She is trying to find a way her and James can be together and I am supporting her as a long term plan. I have no idea yet what she's gonna come up with but I am sure she'll make the right decision My long term plan is still that she and James shall one day be together as a loving family with the baby, careers, the normal sort of thing. I do know, for sure, that James has a lot of work to do before Christmas ... yes, I just mentioned the 'C' word as that will be the first big family occasion after the baby comes along. Gonna go cook a really yummy dinner with Daisy now ... tomorrow we are off to see the new Star Trek movie As an update on me ... they would not check my throat today, I need to see a GP, get them to write and go that way, stupid by 'rules' Had my ears cleaned out, I can now hear in my right ear again. I also had some new moulds taken so my hearing aids should be fully repaired in a few weeks and, already, no whistling. :-)

I have added some people to the list, I can only add 10 here and I can't for the life of me remember how I did it before. If someone doesn't want to get this, let me know

I have added some people to the list, I can only add 10 here and I can't for the life of me remember how I did it before. If someone doesn't want to get this, let me know

I forgot to set this up when all the sites went tits up earlier in the year, will try and get it sorted

I forgot to set this up when all the sites went tits up earlier in the year, will try and get it sorted

Six months ago I had a loving daughter who I had every reason to be proud of and then she started to speak to James, the sort of guy who lies first and then, if that doesn't work he tries a different load of lies and, if he still doesn't get his own way, he goes running to someone else to support his lies. They both lied about his mum throwing him out just to get him here because Daisy knew I was that stupid. They both lied about them having a relationship, because, as Daisy said, I have to trust her. They lied about having sex ... when she was pregnant. You know, I think I can write for ever on here and still I am not sure I could find space for all the lies they have been telling. This past couple of weeks has seen such huge lies there has to be a record broken somewhere for the most amount of lies any one person can tell. On top of the lies is the self praise for not seriously damaging me! Yes, because I said James should give 24 hour notice about going to his mates because ...

Six months ago I had a loving daughter who I had every reason to be proud of and then she started to speak to James, the sort of guy who lies first and then, if that doesn't work he tries a different load of lies and, if he still doesn't get his own way, he goes running to someone else to support his lies. They both lied about his mum throwing him out just to get him here because Daisy knew I was that stupid. They both lied about them having a relationship, because, as Daisy said, I have to trust her. They lied about having sex ... when she was pregnant. You know, I think I can write for ever on here and still I am not sure I could find space for all the lies they have been telling. This past couple of weeks has seen such huge lies there has to be a record broken somewhere for the most amount of lies any one person can tell. On top of the lies is the self praise for not seriously damaging me! Yes, because I said James should give 24 hour notice about going to his mates because ...

In a previous post about James, it may have come across as though I am wishing he fails and goes back to his old ways. I am anything but. What has happened over the last couple of weeks has hurt me deeply. I love James like he is one of my own. Being told by someone they cannot stand being in the same house as me because I am so horrible, not once, but twice hurts like crazy. Clearly it is quite possible that my writing clouds my feelings or doesn't show them, I wanted it clear. I will never give up on James. Even if I cannot do anything myself he shall always be a part of me, in my mind and I will always want the best for him. The trouble here is, what may be the best for him can actually be really difficult for everyone to live through. As I have told James many times, he is basically an amazing guy. When I say 'amazing' I use the word how it is meant. He has had a shite childhood and he has been screwed up by the system, become institutionalised. Getting out of that is g...

In a previous post about James, it may have come across as though I am wishing he fails and goes back to his old ways. I am anything but. What has happened over the last couple of weeks has hurt me deeply. I love James like he is one of my own. Being told by someone they cannot stand being in the same house as me because I am so horrible, not once, but twice hurts like crazy. Clearly it is quite possible that my writing clouds my feelings or doesn't show them, I wanted it clear. I will never give up on James. Even if I cannot do anything myself he shall always be a part of me, in my mind and I will always want the best for him. The trouble here is, what may be the best for him can actually be really difficult for everyone to live through. As I have told James many times, he is basically an amazing guy. When I say 'amazing' I use the word how it is meant. He has had a shite childhood and he has been screwed up by the system, become institutionalised. Getting out of that is g...

Grrr

Grrr

James moved in with us in October 2008. His entry into this family was based on lies. I was told that he and Daisy were just friends, most certainly, I was assured, it was nothing more than that. This was a lie. By December Daisy was pregnant, indeed, whilst she was pregnant both of them were still telling me they had no so much as seen each other naked let alone had sex, so, another lie. James is what is called, a 'relevant' child. That means, he was formerly in the care of social services but is not currently. Frustratingly, social services never approved his placement here. They always considered that we volunteered to have him here so they had no obligation to pay for him beyond the equivalent of £47.95. I worked it out, he cost at least £40 a week in food alone putting aside all the other costs associated with him on clothes and other items. His family too were hostile to us, so, in short, we were effectively on our own with him. I can honestly say that we did everything p...

James moved in with us in October 2008. His entry into this family was based on lies. I was told that he and Daisy were just friends, most certainly, I was assured, it was nothing more than that. This was a lie. By December Daisy was pregnant, indeed, whilst she was pregnant both of them were still telling me they had no so much as seen each other naked let alone had sex, so, another lie. James is what is called, a 'relevant' child. That means, he was formerly in the care of social services but is not currently. Frustratingly, social services never approved his placement here. They always considered that we volunteered to have him here so they had no obligation to pay for him beyond the equivalent of £47.95. I worked it out, he cost at least £40 a week in food alone putting aside all the other costs associated with him on clothes and other items. His family too were hostile to us, so, in short, we were effectively on our own with him. I can honestly say that we did everything p...