Steve from England

Today would have been the 74th Birthday of my mum. It's amazing she has been dead 21 years now. I always hoped I'd one day remember her clearly after the shock of her death wore off but I never have. I can remember images at times of things we did, just silly things like her making a cup of tea (and spilling it all over the place), crying to me of how much of a burden she was (she really wasn't though I must have acted like she was at the time). For all those visuals I have I can't get any audio memories back. I have no idea how her every day talking voice sounded. It's strange, other people I have known and lost it is though they are still around but when mum went she went near totally. I guess this is how I eventually came to feel about most of my relatives. I was rejected big time either deliberately because they wanted nothing to do with me or through apathy that it never even crossed their mind they should contact me. I can't help but get hurt we never get ...

Today would have been the 74th Birthday of my mum. It's amazing she has been dead 21 years now. I always hoped I'd one day remember her clearly after the shock of her death wore off but I never have. I can remember images at times of things we did, just silly things like her making a cup of tea (and spilling it all over the place), crying to me of how much of a burden she was (she really wasn't though I must have acted like she was at the time). For all those visuals I have I can't get any audio memories back. I have no idea how her every day talking voice sounded. It's strange, other people I have known and lost it is though they are still around but when mum went she went near totally. I guess this is how I eventually came to feel about most of my relatives. I was rejected big time either deliberately because they wanted nothing to do with me or through apathy that it never even crossed their mind they should contact me. I can't help but get hurt we never get ...

Will I ever get to the point where my life is totally stress free so I can enjoy it or will I be so old by that point that my body will simply become my stress? Hell, I dunno so better just do as much as I can now! Classic line heard from one chav to another earlier outside IKEA in Milton Keynes. "Shuddap else I'll hit you with a Christmas Tree Bitch!" On the plus side, Matt is still doing ever so well with his mobile phone bill ... at this rate he'll be like me having more minutes and texts than he knows what to do with. Daisy has hurt her foot and her arm so I have to get her to see a nurse and find out when she can use it all properly again because otherwise her course work at school won't be done. I am really depressed about my weight and need to get to the gym really soon. I have to accept cutting down on food is difficult just because Deej, bless him, makes it as difficult as hell when I ask for a small portion and I get a large one ... that and that I am ju...

Will I ever get to the point where my life is totally stress free so I can enjoy it or will I be so old by that point that my body will simply become my stress? Hell, I dunno so better just do as much as I can now! Classic line heard from one chav to another earlier outside IKEA in Milton Keynes. "Shuddap else I'll hit you with a Christmas Tree Bitch!" On the plus side, Matt is still doing ever so well with his mobile phone bill ... at this rate he'll be like me having more minutes and texts than he knows what to do with. Daisy has hurt her foot and her arm so I have to get her to see a nurse and find out when she can use it all properly again because otherwise her course work at school won't be done. I am really depressed about my weight and need to get to the gym really soon. I have to accept cutting down on food is difficult just because Deej, bless him, makes it as difficult as hell when I ask for a small portion and I get a large one ... that and that I am ju...

As there has been an explosion of people saying how I am a terrible dad for writing anything (I assume here) I feel that I need to clarify a little of not a lot. Firstly, very few parents take on parenting intending to ever fall out with their kids and very few, myself included, ever stop loving their kids no matter what. As those who know will know, my eldest, Jermaine, has sworn at me and attacked my physically many times yet I still love him and support him as much as I can. I still love my Matt and Daisy and Zoey too of course. The thing is, most people don't get to see what their friends are really like but rather just the image they want to let them see. I don't write on here at all unless I am really hurt or upset about something. It is my way of dealing with life so I don't take it out on other people. Generally speaking, not many people read this anyway. The front page actually reminds people what this blog is for and also says " I’ll probably always love you ...

As there has been an explosion of people saying how I am a terrible dad for writing anything (I assume here) I feel that I need to clarify a little of not a lot. Firstly, very few parents take on parenting intending to ever fall out with their kids and very few, myself included, ever stop loving their kids no matter what. As those who know will know, my eldest, Jermaine, has sworn at me and attacked my physically many times yet I still love him and support him as much as I can. I still love my Matt and Daisy and Zoey too of course. The thing is, most people don't get to see what their friends are really like but rather just the image they want to let them see. I don't write on here at all unless I am really hurt or upset about something. It is my way of dealing with life so I don't take it out on other people. Generally speaking, not many people read this anyway. The front page actually reminds people what this blog is for and also says " I’ll probably always love you ...

Earlier I asked Daisy if she was coming with us to see Jermaine, Oh no, she already had plans to go to see her friends over the park ... a lie, she had no plans at all. I asked Matt if he wanted to come seeing as there was now a spare seat in the car. Oh no, he thought he'd probably have work this evening and was waiting on a call. I suggested he call them but apparently he didn't need to do that, they'd call him. I asked then, what will happen with the cash in hand they give you ... after some time he said he'd be giving it to me 'of course'. Matt eventually turned up back home around 01:30 with Anne, yes, again she is here and uninvited. I now have two lodgers that don't pay anything. Matt was going on about how Anne had bought him this stuff he had and how wonderful it all was ... I asked where the money was that he got paid but, apparently, they didn't pay him ... he did help them out but it was just like being helpful, not for money. Yeah, you see, ...

Earlier I asked Daisy if she was coming with us to see Jermaine, Oh no, she already had plans to go to see her friends over the park ... a lie, she had no plans at all. I asked Matt if he wanted to come seeing as there was now a spare seat in the car. Oh no, he thought he'd probably have work this evening and was waiting on a call. I suggested he call them but apparently he didn't need to do that, they'd call him. I asked then, what will happen with the cash in hand they give you ... after some time he said he'd be giving it to me 'of course'. Matt eventually turned up back home around 01:30 with Anne, yes, again she is here and uninvited. I now have two lodgers that don't pay anything. Matt was going on about how Anne had bought him this stuff he had and how wonderful it all was ... I asked where the money was that he got paid but, apparently, they didn't pay him ... he did help them out but it was just like being helpful, not for money. Yeah, you see, ...

I checked before I booked and nothing, all OK, nothing to worry about, go for it young man and enjoy ... HOWEVER! I just checked the Disney site and there are some alterations to their schedule. The following attractions are not open the week we are there: The Dragon beneath the Castle (Deej loves dragons and we were just chatting about it today) Pirates of the Caribbean ... for f****s sake! Several others are closed the week prior so I guess thanks for not missing them all. Pirates though closes the day we arrive and opens again a week later, just after we leave :-( I mean, two things I planned on doing are now screwed, three if I include a meal at the Blue Lagoon because that won't be open if Pirates is closed, that whole part of Adventureland is going to be dead. On the plus side, that seems to be the only closures ... so far. Matt is playing a blinder ... not only has he not moved out but he seems to have Anne staying here more often than not. So, not only am I not getting any ...

I checked before I booked and nothing, all OK, nothing to worry about, go for it young man and enjoy ... HOWEVER! I just checked the Disney site and there are some alterations to their schedule. The following attractions are not open the week we are there: The Dragon beneath the Castle (Deej loves dragons and we were just chatting about it today) Pirates of the Caribbean ... for f****s sake! Several others are closed the week prior so I guess thanks for not missing them all. Pirates though closes the day we arrive and opens again a week later, just after we leave :-( I mean, two things I planned on doing are now screwed, three if I include a meal at the Blue Lagoon because that won't be open if Pirates is closed, that whole part of Adventureland is going to be dead. On the plus side, that seems to be the only closures ... so far. Matt is playing a blinder ... not only has he not moved out but he seems to have Anne staying here more often than not. So, not only am I not getting any ...