Steve from England

This year is going to see a lot of changes going on. Many may not like those changes because what they will be is selfish. 'I' plan on living for me and that means devoting my time and energy to me and my soon to be 'husband',  Dennis. Essentially that will mean a hell of a lot less time for others. Entire relationships as they are now will change as circumstances change. Hopefully, we'll quickly become self sufficient financially and that will mean not having to rely on an handouts from others, not the state or family. No will will have the power to use their contribution to our existence against us again. No well meaning souls will be able to make that call to the benefit fraud team or safeguarding because, we won't be involved with those people. Our lives and our home will be under our own rules and standards. No body will have the right to behave superior or disrespectful again, it's not going to happen. Of course, this relies on our mega expensive next ...

Perhaps it's a survival of the fitness throw back not to seem 'weak' that so many people are averse to saying 'sorry'. It is one of the most powerful words however it is translated. It isn't an admission of a failure, it's an acknowledgement that things are not going the way they should. Those who have tried to use the word more have discovered the huge effects it has on their communication with others. If you have a disagreement with someone and you've reached a point scoring stalemate, just say 'sorry' and see what happens. "I'm sorry, this is not the way I wanted to this conversation to go, can we start again?" That's not the same as saying that you are wrong and they are right, it's an acknowledgement of your regret that this just isn't satisfying anyone. You could go on all evening one point scoring reply after another, he said this, she said that and where does it get anyone? Look at these two examples of a couple ...

Why do coincidences happen more frequently after I pray for them? Why is there a pattern to my life which, taken as a whole makes sense? Now, my faith doesn’t, any more than the entirety of my life, follow the flow or ‘normality’. I don’t go out of my way to be different more, I feel I would have to go out of my way to conform and find it so much easier to be honest with myself, be myself. I don’t know about you, I feel sometimes I have been afraid of trusting my own judgements in case I are wrong and only have myself to blame. But then I remind myself, everything in life needs some form of manure to grow. Some things can grow OK in unfertilised pastures but, honestly, adding in some manure really moves things along. This is the very best of lives. I am convinced that if I were never ill, if nothing went wrong, if I were never broke, I couldn’t fully appreciate the incredible nature of my life. Does a rich person appreciate a lottery win the same way or as intensely as a poor person? ...

After a false start, Dennis finally arrived in the UK on February 2 this year. It was meant to be the previous Sunday but there was a document we’d never heard of which he needed to have from the Philippine authorities. So, another few hundred £ down on the day we got everything sorted. According to the boards, his flight landed three times which was really confusing but eventually he came through customs after his extra long trip looking totally amazing … and cold! [caption id="attachment_2023" align="aligncenter" width="300"] His new desk and PC at home[/caption] [caption id="attachment_2022" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Karaoke with the family[/caption] [caption id="attachment_2021" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Our tea and biscuits evening attended by many friends and family[/caption] [caption id="attachment_2010" align="aligncenter" width="300"] The Fi...

I had read various pieces online about a US singer called ‘'#Kim Burrell and eventually looked into it further as #Ellen had issues with it, indeed, some were saying she’d effectively killed her own career. That’s a shame because, well, people say stuff because they believe it often times it’s because someone else convinced them and perhaps something happened in their life which triggered the response. In hers I understand that a partner left her for a homosexual relationship, that must have been quite devastating. Anyway, I feel my own experience is one which, when shared might not change the minds of those so convinced but could be enough to make them think and what I am sharing with you now is what I wrote on Ms Burrell’s Facebook wall. Some may not recognise it as me but then, a lot don’t know me as well as I would wish they did. Anyway, here is a paste of it and please, overlook any typos, it wasn’t meant to be perfect, just from the heart. I cannot get into a debate with you...

As we move on our annual passage through life saying farewell to one year and welcoming in the next I think it is important to look at our lives and take ownership. Some of us will have had a horrible childhood, it could be bullying, neglect or some other thing we consider to not have been ‘the best’. In later years we make choices, adult choices and sometimes we forget those choices and blame life in general for our situation. Do not please get me wrong, many things in life are indeed, unfair, some, possibly many are just plain wrong but accepting those we do have to realise we make choices. As an adult we can choose to let go of our childhood, accept that it happened but agree with ourselves that the only way to move forward is to stop allowing ourselves to blame the past for where we are, that’s just an excuse we tell ourselves because, let’s face it, life can be a scary prospect. We get so used to saying this or that causes us not to whatever that it becomes a comfort blanket fo...

It’s easy to write off a year and be glad to see the back of it but, even the worst years will have added something to our life experiences and made us who we are. What we do with those good or bad experiences shows everyone what we’re about. Not bragging too much about the good, not overplaying the bad. Coping when we can cope and accepting the help when we cannot. For me perhaps ‘interesting’ best described this rapidly departing year. One of highs and lows both of which have been heavy on the emotion. Serious issues with Zoey resulted in her finally moving out. That was a very unpleasant experience for many involved. Me and Dennis getting stronger in our relationship, becoming engaged, failing to get a visitors visa for him to come here, succeeding on getting a fiancé visa, huge highs and lows. Dealing with some huge trust and betrayal issues along the way and coming through it making us stronger. My getting close to the new family over in the Philippines Setting in motion getti...

I visited an old school friend earlier, first time I’d seen him in several years. When I say ‘old’ I mean the same age as me but, in his case, ‘old’ works. He answered the door and whilst it was obviously him what I saw was a little bent over old man. This guy has been an alcoholic for a great many years. He’s lacked confidence for as long as I can remember and acted the fool at school as it was his mask to hide his insecurities. He was a young man growing up with an alcoholic father and a mother who was of a generation which were always old in attitude and look, a lovely lady but, never young from my recollection, probably into her 40’s when she had him. He has a brother who put it about, on wife number 3 and I lose count how many children he acknowledges. His older brother was gay, he passed with a HIV related illness a long while back. He’s spent his life in the closet, not just for his sexuality, which he now acknowledges but also from life itself, too afraid to live a life in ca...

In the last month I finalised the sale of Dad’s flat in Essex, I worked out a 3 year plan whereby he keeps the ownership of the new flat in Northampton and has tenants in (already done) and this part pays for his care home which I found and he’s been in now  for 3 weeks. It’s a 3 year plan because part of that funding comes from his savings. Sadly, they won’t last forever but, when they expire, in about 3 years, the property should be worth a lot more than currently it is and he’ll have an additional funding source adequate for the rest of his life. I visited Dad the once after he moved into the care home but it was a horrible experience. He’s was at the stage whereby he knew I was, sort of knew who Daisy was but is in lala land for most everything else. He’s totally forgotten that I’ve been there for him these past few years and blames me for everything in his life going wrong. I will visit again but it’s been a really hectic time so I need to get myself emotionally strong enough ...

Dad’s condition took a turn for the worse. He now lacks capacity and cannot move into his new flat after all. Just when I finally got the solicitors sorted and working Dad gets permanently ill. Because of how useless they are he’ll never get to live in the flat and that’s a huge shame as he actually seemed really happy about it. That’s all up in the air. He’s in hospital now in Essex, within a week or two at the most his address will be Northampton and I’ve got to get one of the authorities to take responsibility for it all. He will either have to self fund which I’ve worked out a workable plan for or, I might be able to persuade them he needs health funding in which case his property and bank balance are preserved for anything he might want to do with it. He doesn’t even get his assessment until likely the end of next week which is now looking really busy. Great news is, Dennis got the visa (yay) which is the best news ever which I’d enjoy all the more if I wasn’t stressing so much ...

With the US Presidential elections about to happen I thought it was worth remembering how things really should be in the world. A lot of the campaigning from Trump has been about pushing one group against another. It’s painfully easy to do and so very difficult to stop once started. Probably most governments and powerful people do this and here is why … During the development of humans we lives in small groups. This worked very well because everyone knew each other, understood the abilities and the thought process. It made for successful production of food or hunting and gave them protection from other possibly rival groups. If a group became too big it would likely split into smaller groups. The notion of the group getting ever bigger was not seen as a workable option as eventually too many would not understand the needs and abilities of others and working together would be too problematic so we started down the road of, our group and, their group. That was all well and good when th...

That’s not a word but, it’ll do! It’s how I feel at the moment. I am trying to be positive, think things up but I don’t much like waiting on distant, often anonymous people to make important decisions or to do important work. The worry of having chosen the wrong solicitors is getting to me. I am having to point out such basic errors I wonder how many I might have missed which could come back to bite me at some point in the future. At the moment I am awaiting a new contract as they screwed up what they sent me, had I signed it then it wouldn’t have been legal. We’ve got the visa decision too, they could reject it just for the hell of it and I have no clue on what grounds to challenge it because I know it was OK, everything we needed was there. A rejection will just be them making the decision we’re not in a valid relationship in their opinion so, all I can fight with is that we are, in our opinion. They’ve got plenty of witness statements to support the case that we’re in a relations...

How do they differ from ‘normal’ relationships? For a start they are clearly not ‘straight’ Straight is normal as everyone knows so, therefore, it stands to reason that those entering into a same sex relationship will want to be as normal as possible. Clearly, one of the partnership must, to remain traditional (another word meaning ‘normal’), one must be the woman and the other, it follows, should be the man. Ideally the two identities should be easy to identify for normal people. It would therefore help if one is camp and feminine and the other is, perhaps, butch and masculine. Once the gender roles are indentified it is then customary for the couple to divulge to anyone asking what their sexual preferences are. Ideally not giving too much information as this is seen as gross but enough as to define that the ‘male’ of the couple is, indeed, the ‘top’ and the ‘female’ is the ‘bottom’. Following on from this the normal person will be expected to and it is accepted that they do ask wi...

I read this online somewhere and it resonated with me, summed me up quite nicely I thought though really is only a glimpse into who I am Contrary to popular belief, men have feelings.  Being highly emotional is not a weakness but strength. Men in touch with their emotions bring a lot to the table. Not only making the world a wonderful place, they offer the true definition of love and passion. Here are some things to remember if you are in love with an emotional person. 1. They want to be connected to the people in their lives They are in touch with their feelings and thus they are conscious of the people that they try to let into their world. If you are accepted into their world you should know that they would want a relationship that is substantive with you, something that they can cherish and has some meaning to them. 2. They will always take a chance on love Emotional people are not afraid of giving a chance to love. They believe all relationships can be full of possibilitie...

It’s been now 4 months since me and Dennis were together in the Philippines. The temptation to blow another few hundred quid for a few more days with him is strong but, I can’t. I find the stress of not being together overwhelming at time, occasionally we have stupid arguments because, instead of saying I just need a hug I start making stupid comments, nearly always at the wrong time. Of course, that’s not to say Dennis never does anything wrong, he annoys the hell out of me some times! But, I even love that about him and, more often than not, even though sometimes he is actually very wrong, he’s also right from a different perspective! I believe one of the issues with being single for so long is not being challenged and finding it difficult to accept that your loving partner is not at the same status as others in your life, the partner has the right to be listened to and acknowledged more than others. Not that others deserve to be treated badly more a case that, extra effort should ...

When I was a child I had a bucket list. I didn’t know it was one back then, not sure the term existed. I had a wish list, places I dreamed of going, things I dreamed of doing and, they were dreams too. I was in awe the very first time I saw Disneyland on the television, probably in black & white …. that means it was like, a really old TV because that’s how old I am. I knew I had to go see that place. I had no idea how I could or when but it was fixed hard in my heart, it had to be done. Of course, the Isle of Wight was the furthest I’d travelled which by any description would I have considered ‘abroad’ and I didn’t even know anyone I was aware of who travelled to other countries for pleasure. As I grew older I added New York to my list of places I wanted to see. All those amazing tall buildings, the yellow cabs, the park, wow. At 18 I got the opportunity to apply for a job there but was pipped to the post by a work colleague. By now I had at least been to France for the day! Tha...

I’ve decided that I am trying a different lifestyle. Except for special events I am going to turn off the electronics at 10pm and sleep by 11pm. After 9pm my phone will be off in my wind down time. I tried this last night, almost worked except that I woke up at 03:30 and needed to get up as my mind was too active to sleep. Half hour later I went back to sleep again so, getting there. My weight gain could be over eating, it could be the statins I am on but, it doesn’t matter what causes it ‘I’ have to change it. Since I lost weight I have now regained 8 lbs and feel like I’ve totally let myself down. MY clothes feel tight and I feel too heavy. Again, could be the statins but most likely the weight gain is causing aches and pains, none of this is good. I am going to be actively avoiding stressful situations. If I don’t want to deal with something a certain day then I’ll just put it off until another day and deal with it then. Me time is not going to be a luxury because it is clearly a...

[caption id="attachment_1965" align="alignnone" width="300"] Me Dennis & Mom[/caption] [caption id="attachment_1966" align="aligncenter" width="300"] On Alona Beach[/caption] [caption id="attachment_1967" align="alignleft" width="300"] Me & Dennis alone in the pool together[/caption] [caption id="attachment_1969" align="alignright" width="300"] Food time[/caption] [caption id="attachment_1970" align="alignright" width="300"] Harbour Front in Hong Kong[/caption] [caption id="attachment_1971" align="alignnone" width="300"] Panda, one off my bucket list for seeing a panda in China (close enough) Ocean Park, Hong Kong[/caption] [caption id="attachment_1972" align="alignnone" width="300"] Hong Kong Disneyland with Dennis[/caption] [caption id="attachment_1973"...

Sometimes, and I don’t care whether we say it’s chance of the hand of God, bad stuff happens but it is to path the way for something better. We’re being told that we’re heading down the wrong road and that there is a better way. This has been happening a fair bit lately. Both me and Dennis thought that being rejected for the visa was the worst thing ever but, in the grand scheme of things, with a lifetime to look forward to, it’s just allowing us a better opportunity to grow even closer. If I am honest, I need a holiday. I’ve not had a real stress free holiday for years. I’ve been out the country but it’s just been the sort of thing I do here but somewhere else, not really relaxing and certainly not with anyone special. Being on my own is OK but it doesn’t compare to sharing life experiences. So, thanks to Mr Credit Card and Miss Loan I am off to spend the month with Dennis. As said previously, all benefits are cancelled for the month so there is zero question as to whether this is O...

Dennis was denied a visitor visa to come here. This might to some just seem like a disappointment but, to us it is a huge set back. When a couple apply for a visa for a foreign national to come here one of the requirements is that both have visited each others country, met friends and family. It goes toward proving that the couple are in a committed relationship. If our own government then prevents the foreign national from entering the country on a visitors visa then the chances of getting any other sort of visa are greatly reduced. It doesn’t mean we won’t get one next year it just makes it more difficult. This year everything was right. I looked into it and we covered, as far as I could tell, every visa requirement, nothing was left to chance and yet, it was denied. I can’t help but believe that it was denied for reasons which are more personal opinion than legally based. They didn’t like the idea of encouraging a gay couple to be together. Sure, I can go there and likely will. ...