Steve from England

Me & Dad at his care home Dad has been gone for some time now and, despite that we didn't really get along I am missing him.  Christmas was difficult as was New Year, both as he had been here the year before and the year before that and we had a good time. Wednesday 15th is the day his flat is sold. It is the last tangible link to him. He never actually lived there, though that was the intention. His dementia suddenly got very bad and unmanageable at home just weeks before the completion of the sale so we instead got tenants in and used the rental income to part pay the care home fees. It was a very nice care home, Dad wasn't happy there but then, Dad wouldn't have been happy anywhere, that was Dad.  My feelings right now and all over the place and I have been feeling quite down, it's like the final goodbye. I don't know if you feel like this but somehow I feel different now that both my parents have gone. Sure, part of it is my feeling ...

This is a really insignificant post if I am totally honest .. and I generally am. I didn't set any new year resolutions, not really my thing and mainly because I know life has a way of happening differently. Updates as to where I am in 2020. I am now parentless, it happens. I was very lucky to have at least one parent survive into my 50's and still so ever so sad that my mum never got to know the real me at all. That finality happened last year so this is the first year of me being at that next level, in other words, the next generation expected to die! Let's get real, it's the way life is and we wouldn't want it anyway, parents should die before their children, they just should. My health condition has continued to get worse, no connection to the previous paragraph this, just how things are and I don't expect it to kill me, just make life more difficult than I would like. Certainly it is fair to say that I need to make some changes but with my limited cho...