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Showing posts from April, 2013

Loss

This subject is so complicated because it comes in degrees and variants. How do we measure loss? As a child, the loss of a goldfish can be devastating yet, as an adult, itā€™s just a fish. Loss is a personal thing, what may be shrugged off by one is the straw that breaks the camels back for someone else. As a small child I lost my teddy bear. I was in hospital when I was around 5 and another kid took it home with him, no other teddy would do, that was ā€˜teddyā€™ and bedtimes were not the same. Moving on and my life was not too bad. Even as a kid though I had valued toys stolen from me, that hurt as it was always by a relative, a cousin and no one seemed to care, it was always better not to rock the boat, not cause a fuss by mentioning anything so I got used to loss with silence and denial. I fell in love at 20, I was a late starter. We were together for 2 years and I loved him deeply. When he literally disappeared from my love it was difficult to get over but, I rationalised it that a pas...

Loss

This subject is so complicated because it comes in degrees and variants. How do we measure loss? As a child, the loss of a goldfish can be devastating yet, as an adult, itā€™s just a fish. Loss is a personal thing, what may be shrugged off by one is the straw that breaks the camels back for someone else. As a small child I lost my teddy bear. I was in hospital when I was around 5 and another kid took it home with him, no other teddy would do, that was ā€˜teddyā€™ and bedtimes were not the same. Moving on and my life was not too bad. Even as a kid though I had valued toys stolen from me, that hurt as it was always by a relative, a cousin and no one seemed to care, it was always better not to rock the boat, not cause a fuss by mentioning anything so I got used to loss with silence and denial. I fell in love at 20, I was a late starter. We were together for 2 years and I loved him deeply. When he literally disappeared from my love it was difficult to get over but, I rationalised it that a pas...

50th June 4th

Click on the image above to go to my site telling everyone what Iā€™d like my 50th to be about. Itā€™s not just June 4th, itā€™s all the moments leading up to it as well. Itā€™s important that by June 4th I have a clear idea of who values me, why they do and who doesnā€™t. Itā€™s actually really important to me as my 50th year, from 2012-2013 has been awful and totally shaken my emotions and trust, I have to rebuild somehow. So, for me, my birthday is my chance to do that, my opportunity to establish who thinks I am important to them and who doesnā€™t so I can move on with my life as uncomplicated as possible. If that means that some people ā€˜Iā€™ love and value will have to be removed from my life then, that will be their choice because, itā€™s only their actions which would make me think thatā€™s what ā€˜theyā€™ want. This may come across as very dramatic but, after the totally fucked up year I have had where I have all but lost it, ā€˜Iā€™ NEED to know who my real close friends are, who can I trust? Who thin...

50th June 4th

Click on the image above to go to my site telling everyone what Iā€™d like my 50th to be about. Itā€™s not just June 4th, itā€™s all the moments leading up to it as well. Itā€™s important that by June 4th I have a clear idea of who values me, why they do and who doesnā€™t. Itā€™s actually really important to me as my 50th year, from 2012-2013 has been awful and totally shaken my emotions and trust, I have to rebuild somehow. So, for me, my birthday is my chance to do that, my opportunity to establish who thinks I am important to them and who doesnā€™t so I can move on with my life as uncomplicated as possible. If that means that some people ā€˜Iā€™ love and value will have to be removed from my life then, that will be their choice because, itā€™s only their actions which would make me think thatā€™s what ā€˜theyā€™ want. This may come across as very dramatic but, after the totally fucked up year I have had where I have all but lost it, ā€˜Iā€™ NEED to know who my real close friends are, who can I trust? Who thin...